Midlife Butterfly: Healing, Empowerment & Self-Discovery

#12 - Boundaries That Empower You – with Tina Jett

• Kena Siu • Episode 12

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In this episode, Kena sit down with the incredible Tina Jett, a transformational life coach, clarity catalyst trainer, and Reiki master, to dive deep into boundaries that empower you.


We explore why midlife women struggle with setting boundaries, how people-pleasing is actually a form of self-betrayal, and why prioritizing yourself is the ultimate act of self-love. If you’ve ever felt guilty for saying no or feared disappointing others, this episode is for you!


Key Points:

  • Why boundaries are essential for self-worth, joy, and inner peace
  • The deep-rooted fears behind boundary-setting: fear of rejection, guilt, and losing relationships
  • How people-pleasing is actually manipulation—and how to break free from it
  • The connection between boundaries and inner child wounds (abandonment, safety, and validation)
  • Practical ways to start setting boundaries today—including the simple "yes or no" method
  • The power of self-boundaries—because honoring your own needs is just as important as setting limits with others
  • How setting boundaries shifts your relationships—some people may leave, and that’s okay!
  • Why choosing yourself is NOT selfish, it’s self-honouring


Reflection Questions for You:

  • Where in your life are you saying "yes" to others but "no" to yourself?
  • What’s one small boundary you can set today to protect your energy and joy?
  • How would your life change if you fully trusted that saying "no" is an act of self-love?


It’s time to stand in your truth, reclaim your joy, and set boundaries that empower you! 🎙️✨


Visit Tina's website: www.life-wire.net


Loved this episode? Share it with a friend who needs to hear this! And don’t forget to tag me on Instagram @kenasiu.

You can find all the podcast details right here: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast

Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise

Follow Kena on Instagram: @kenasiu

Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly

For Coaching, Courses & More Visit Kena's Website: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/workwithme

Request a Free Empowered Call with Kena if you're interested in working with her: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/empoweredsession


Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Kena Siu:

Hello beautiful souls, welcome back to Midlife Butterfly Podcast with your host, Kena Siu. And this time we have a special guest, a beautiful lady who is a transformational life coach, clarity catalyst trainer and certified Reiki master specializing in mindset mastery. Her name is Tina Jett and she is the founder of LifeWire, where she guides clients through a profound journey of discovery, helping them to align with their purpose, harness their inner strength and step into a life of violence and joy. And in her practice she intertwines the winds of wisdom of Reiki with dynamic coaching techniques, offering you a unique holistic path to personal and professional fulfillment. And her approach goes beyond traditional methods, harnessing the life-altering power of energy work to amplify your journey of self-discovery and success. Welcome, tina, it's a pleasure having you here.

Tina Jett:

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. It's my pleasure.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, so I don't know, besides that introduction that I gave, if you would like to add something else before we dive in into our topic today I was like, wow, that's me.

Tina Jett:

No, I'm just kidding, but that was beautiful. I mean, that's definitely you know where my passions lie, so I think you covered it quite well Awesome, beautiful.

Kena Siu:

Okay, so let's play into the topic of today, which is boundaries that empower you. So Tina is an expert in this topic. I've been working on that still, you know, keep working on it and so I'm very glad that you're here too, because I know our audience is going to be very interested in knowing which practices they can do to discover more within them so they can then stand up on their own and be able to set the boundaries that are required to live a better life and into their own alignment and truth. So I would like to know which are the main reasons that women struggle to set boundaries?

Tina Jett:

Beautiful question Women as beautiful, amazing goddesses. We are natural caregivers. Beautiful, amazing goddesses. We are natural caregivers. It's just, and we're conditioned to put others first, whether it's our families, our friendships, our careers. We're taught not to fill our cup first, and I think many of us were taught to say no, like if we were to say no, even though no is a complete sentence. But if we say no, that we're being selfish and that setting boundaries then in turn, makes it difficult for us. I think the biggest reason women struggle setting boundaries is fear, and that's what I see. There's normally a fear attached to it, fear of what or to what.

Tina Jett:

Number one would be the fear of disappointing others, or maybe a fear of conflict, or a fear of being seen as not nice. You know, we we tend, as women, we tend to tie our self-worth to what it is that we're giving and then setting boundaries for us can feel like now we're letting other people down, when actually it's the opposite. When we're setting boundaries, that's the healthy thing to do, you know, and you know, another big reason too would be guilt. So fear and guilt would be the two. I would you know, feeling guilty women especially what is?

Kena Siu:

the guilt for prioritizing ourselves instead of others.

Tina Jett:

Well, the guilt? Yeah, I mean definitely, they are definitely. Yes, I remember a time in my life where I mean I did everything for everybody and nothing for myself, and I was almost proud of the fact, in a weird way, that I was like I know we're on the list. There isn't everybody else's on the list, I'm not on the list and in, because if I was on the list then I would feel guilty about it. And we feel guilty because we're taught to be the fixers. We're taught that we need, we're the ones that need to keep everything running smoothly, and so we set very high expectations on ourselves, and when we are then able to set a boundary, it can feel like we are not showing up in that role as the fixer like we feel we should, because, again, there's an expectation there, and so we kind of at the expense of our own wellbeing, then we don't set boundaries, and so, yeah, you know, and then you know, too, the fear of you know how others will react.

Tina Jett:

You know if we say no to something, what if somebody gets upset with us or angry with us, or you know things like that. What if we lose a relationship? What if we lose a friendship Liking us? So all of that comes into play as well. But the truth is boundaries. Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They're about really creating a healthier relationship. And when we, as women, are overextending ourselves which I see it all the time with the clients I work with they're overextended. I've been there exhausted. When we're exhausted, what happens? We're, then, we're resentful, and then the worst part is that we're disconnected then from ourselves and disconnected from our own, what it is that we need, or worse, yet we don't even know what we need. Like we have no idea, and that's scary.

Kena Siu:

It is scary. It is scary because, as you said, then we feel resentment against the other people when we are the ones provoking that, because we are not filling our own cups first.

Tina Jett:

Yeah, absolutely. We need to fill our cups first and do it without feeling guilty or selfish. And we do that by learning to set boundaries. And if you haven't been setting boundaries, it's not going to happen overnight, but there's different steps that we can talk about today. Boundaries it's not going to happen overnight, but there's different steps that I can, we can talk about today.

Tina Jett:

But really we don't want to show up in our relationships because we have to or because it feels forced. You know we, you know we want bound. When we have boundaries set in place, that is going to protect our energy. It's going to say, when we're protecting our energy, now we're not going to feel as drained, and then now we're going to be able to show up as our best self, and so when we're showing up for our best selves, now we're able to be more present with those around us as well and then enhance, nurture and grow our relationships yeah, but then if we come back of the fact that we don't know who we are and what we want because we prioritize others, then how can we be or know who is our best self if we don't know that we don't know her?

Tina Jett:

and so it's going on that journey, so it's going on the journey of self-discovery. And how do we do that? By by starting to set boundaries, just very simple boundaries, just remembering no is a complete sentence. And then to stop people pleasing, because if we're people pleasing, that means we're not setting boundaries.

Kena Siu:

And then, more personally, like one of my main wounds is rejection. So I noticed how I used to be a pleaser in that trajectory, right Like so to avoid the rejection of others, then how I needed to play. And the truth is, when we and I remember when I heard this the first time for a coach or a mentor, I can't remember who this person was there was like when you are people pleasing, you're actually manipulating others, and I was like whoa, like, what do you mean? And of course, the victim in me at that time was like no way Like. But then, when I really stop and reflect on it, we are manipulating people when we're people pleasing, because we are not being ourselves, we're just being exactly or shaped on, using different masks according to each relationship. So then we please them accordingly.

Tina Jett:

then which is exhausting it is it's so and so when you're able to let the people pleasing go, and then you're able to set boundaries, then everything starts getting so much more full of ease.

Kena Siu:

And that's where joy comes in and all of that.

Tina Jett:

So yeah, definitely you're right. I mean that's definitely. You know, wounds that can be caused from people pleasing yeah, uh.

Kena Siu:

Which other wounds have you, like, experienced with your clients? Are some of the causes of people pleasing?

Tina Jett:

I would say when I, when I'm working with a client, or even old me before, I went through all the, all the work and the transformation is at the core of it. It's going to be a need for acceptance, to feel accepted and also to feel safe. Safety also plays a role in that as well, and so what I mean by that is that whenever we, somebody struggles with setting boundaries, there's an underlining fear. There's an underlining fear of being abandoned or being rejected is normally the two things that I see, and all of this stems from childhood, childhood experiences. Yeah, and you know, maybe maybe somebody grew up in a home where they felt unconditional love, or maybe they had to earn approval by being good, by being quiet, you know, staying quiet or keeping the peace. That was mine Keep the peace, stay quiet.

Tina Jett:

And so if we're raised in an environment, you know, on the flip side of that, where our emotions weren't validated, then you might have learned that making other people happy, keeping other people happy, was the safest way to receive love and then to in turn, avoid conflict. So that's where inner child work comes in. That's a whole nother. Another thing I do teach that with my, with one-on-one private clients, but another thing is our self-worth. That's that's something else that comes in and kind of fuels that as well. So having low self-esteem or low if somebody grows up so going back to the inner child if somebody grows up feeling like their needs are not as important as somebody else, they're going to start believing that they have to prove their worth by over giving, over committing, over performing, saying yes when they really mean no. We we need to remember when we're saying yes to something we're saying no to something else, and if that no is our ourselves, then we need to rethink what we're saying yes and no to yeah definitely. So people pleasing usually comes from past trauma, usually in some form of relationships. It's completely normal, I think. I know I had it, a lot of people have it. But it definitely is something you can work through and it's not scary to do that. It's not scary to work through it.

Tina Jett:

We just finally start discovering who we are at the core right, which is pure being of light. And healing begins when we recognize that and when we start setting boundaries. When we start setting boundaries, remembering that we're not being unkind and we're not being unloving, and if somebody doesn't like the boundary we're setting, that's on them, that's not for us to take on, it means what it means. When we're setting a boundary Again, we're choosing ourself, not in a selfish way, but we're choosing ourself. We're choosing to fill our cup first in a way that helps us to show up as our best self. So we're more present with our families, our kids, like I said, our, our job, our coworkers, whatever it is, our friends, by being our most authentic self. But it starts by showing up for ourselves first and being able to set those boundaries.

Kena Siu:

How can we do that? How can we start?

Tina Jett:

Well, how can you start? By setting boundaries. Well, so I do everything in baby steps. So the first thing is, let's just get aware of it, let's get a little bit of self-awareness yeah, and I want and bringing curiosity.

Tina Jett:

Never any judgment. We want to bring in curiosity. So the first step is noticing, you know, know, and noticing and saying, huh, this is interesting, I feel really drained over this situation or I feel really resentful, because I said yes to planning this party and I really don't want to, really overwhelmed over whatever it is that we're doing Now. Those are signs. So when we're feeling drained, when we're feeling resentful, when we're feeling overwhelmed, those are signs that a boundary is most likely needed. Okay, so that's baby step number one. We're just noticing. Again, no judgment, we're just getting curious going.

Tina Jett:

Hmm, this is interesting, I'm noticing, I'm feeling this way, yeah, these low vibrational emotions. And so the a simple, a very simple baby step that everybody can right away is practice pausing before you say yes to anything. So pause before you say yes. So if somebody asks for your time, your energy, whatever it is, take a breath, like breathe in and then breathe out before you respond. And as you're doing that, just ask yourself is this something that I truly want to do? If it is, do it. If not, don't do it. I, in one of the classes that I teach, I'll share this as well. One of the classes I teach, we do what I call live with every week. So every week they have post-it notes and when I give them a screensaver for their phone, but they have post-it notes up everywhere on their in their car, like I said on their phone, the screensaver all over their house, their bathroom mirror, everywhere, and there's a specific live with um.

Tina Jett:

One of the live live with is um, yes or no, and so for an entire week, the only way they can answer any question is it yes or is it no? That's it. Oh, do you want to go to get to a movie tonight? Is it yes or is it now? Do you want to you to? You know, can you come into stay late at work tonight? Is it yes or is it no? That's it. And so that that helps as well. So that's a little sneak peek, but yeah, that I'm sharing with you a little bit.

Kena Siu:

I love that because, yeah, there's not in between, it's either way. So it's just about being truth of ourselves and see how we feel in our bodies and then, based on that, as you said, like taking that pause and then give the response taking the pause, giving the response, or the other thing is is to say is it yes or is it no?

Tina Jett:

and you're going to get your answer like that, like I'll give you another example one of my classes, I I was teaching my yes or no week and so I got a dime and I said okay. And I asked for a volunteer and I said come with something that you are at a crossroads with, like it's either this or that, like, if I might do it, I might not, like what is it? It's the decision you need to make. Yes, I'm going to do it. No, I'm going to do it. So she she had her, she goes. Okay, I'm ready. And I said okay. And I didn't know what it was. And I said okay, you know heads, what is heads? She's like heads is yes. And I said okay, so tails is no, she's yes. So I did the dime and I said okay, it's heads, she goes there. And I said okay.

Tina Jett:

So what does this tell you about what you already know? The answers are inside of us. We don't need a coin to tell us. We don't need to worry about what other people think. The answers are all within, inside of us. If it feels heavy, the answer is going to be no. If it feels light, the answer is going to be yes. And so you know, just it's just. It's all about starting small, just baby steps. So just starting with that pause before saying yes, have fun. Is it yes or is it no? Like you know, you don't have to make drastic changes overnight.

Tina Jett:

It's not going to happen overnight, at least it didn't for me, and I teach all of this and you know, and I still work on it I still work on setting boundaries and I still work on my yeses and my nos. But if we start with one small boundary and maybe that's just, you know, telling a friend that you know I can't answer your calls after 7 PM at night because that's my family time Maybe it's something as simple as that. Yeah, you could try. Maybe, like I said about outfit, on Sundays I do not go on my computer, which is really hard Because I can work, work, work, but I don't go on my computers.

Tina Jett:

I try really hard not to go on my computer on Sundays. I don't do it every week, but for the majority of the time I'm like nope, this is my day to do whatever it is that I want, because I need to fill my cup so that I'm full for the rest of the week. You know when it starts. So for me that's great. If somebody asks me to go to dinner, first thing I look and say is that, in alignment with what I want, if I already had something planned on Saturday night, and maybe that was a bubble bath and a meditation with some incense and some good music, and I've been looking forward to it all week and going to the dinner sounds a little bit draining. Then I'm going to honor my by saying yes to myself and saying no to them, and I don't have to explain, it's just no. But thank you for thinking of me. Yeah, exactly.

Kena Siu:

And that's one of the things that at least I experienced that we usually think about boundaries with other people, right, but what about self boundaries? As you just said, you know, with you not using your computers on Sundays. So how good are we with our own self boundaries on Sundays? So how good are we with our own self boundaries? Because I guess no, I guess, I know that the more we practice those and we put them those ones, and we say, okay, no, this is the boundary I respected, I honor it with more reason, then we're going to be able to then follow up those boundaries with other people. Because if we keep stepping into our own self-boundary, I mean 100, yeah, definitely, and it's starting small.

Tina Jett:

And then, like you know, boundaries for like for ourselves. I don't answer phone calls after seven o'clock at night, my phone is off. Like I don't go on social media very much anymore because that's draining, um, because that's, that's just a numbing activity anyway. So I'm doing more things for myself and I set that boundary that, no, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, and so I think that that those are all really good tips that everybody can start using right away.

Tina Jett:

And I think the final one would be it would be releasing any limiting beliefs. And that's where the guilt is going to come from, um, if we have guilt, and so we have to shift that and release the guilt, the guilt we have for when we tell somebody no, or when we tell even ourselves no, because we're setting a boundary for ourselves, you know. And so remember that again. This is, this is the, this is the writer downer for everybody listening is that every time you say yes to something you don't want to do, you're saying no to yourself, and we don't want to be doing that. And so setting the boundary isn't about rejecting other people, it's about choosing you, saying I, choose me. And when you do, then you're going to find it the people that you want in your, in your energy, that you want around you.

Tina Jett:

Those are going to be the right people because they're going to respect you for it and anybody who doesn't is not going to probably be somebody that you want in your energy anyways, and that's okay too, because that's important to mention, because when we start setting boundaries, then people are going to.

Kena Siu:

a lot of people I don't know anyway might walk away from us because they are not obtaining that benefit that they were getting while we were saying yes to everything that they were asking for. So I noticed that that's a normal thing, that will happen, that some people will walk away. I noticed that that's a normal thing, that will happen, that some people will walk away, and even when it might be hurtful at the beginning, or painful.

Tina Jett:

it's just when we're standing in our truth and we say, yeah, I set this boundary because of me, because of the benefit that I get, then at one point that pain, it will go away. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, I work with women and I see it. They're exhausted, they're overwhelmed, they're not setting boundaries and they feel guilty when they're setting boundary because there's an underlying fear that they're not going to be accepted or someone's going to be upset with them. And again that goes back to inner child. But that can be released.

Tina Jett:

I'm able to release the limiting beliefs. I can show them how to do that, or they can find somebody that can help them release the limiting beliefs so that then they have the courage to step into their power and set boundaries without feeling guilty or selfish. Because when you're able to do that, the ease and the peace and the joy that come with that, you're just in stillness, you're connected to your body, like it's all just feels so good and we don't want to be living our life full of guilt because we say no to something and or beliefs that don't serve us anymore. They might, they probably serve us at one time and they did their job and we'll pat them on the back and we'll say thank you, but we don't need them anymore. You know we can move on. You know I'm just, I'm just.

Tina Jett:

I'm passionate about this because I, this is, this is the life that we're walking right now and tomorrow's not promised. And when we get to the end, whenever that is, we don't want to look back and say, wow, I wish I would have set boundaries, I wish I would have done that. We want to say wow, I did that, I showed up for myself. That was scary. I remember when I said no to that, but that was the best decision I ever made, because when we're saying no, it might be opening up a whole nother, something for us, a connection with somebody, whatever it is, that we wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Does that make sense? Of course it does, yeah yeah, definitely.

Kena Siu:

You know what what you just said? It just brought me back to my, to my previous marriage, because he used to drink a lot and I was. I was basically basically became her mom, like taking care of her, his finances, and then you're drinking too much, slow down, and all these things. And even though, like I was trying to put the boundaries until at one point I was like no, this is, this is not for me, like I'm tired to keep doing this, and so I have to put up under you like and and at one point to say I don't want this anymore. So I chose myself over that relationship because I couldn't anymore and it's, yeah, it was painful, it was painful, but sometimes that's the way it has to be. And, as you said, then, from there then I got single. I mean I work, I did in-ear work and stuff and my life now I mean it just I love it and it keeps getting better and better.

Tina Jett:

And for that simple well of course there were many things in the marriage but that was one of the things.

Kena Siu:

So choosing myself over.

Tina Jett:

There was something like yeah oh my gosh, we are so parallel. So I was married to 18 year 18 years to my kid's dad, um, alcoholic, and I kept thinking I could fix it. I kept thinking I could fix him. I kept thinking if I was a better wife. I kept thinking if I was more understanding, if I, the kids were doing you know, everything was perfectly fine. I did nothing for myself until one day I looked around. I can't do this anymore. I can't, I have to choose me. And it was hard, it was very hard, but that's when I went on the path of self-healing. And now I mean I'm single but I'm married to myself, like I date myself now, and I figure I've been in a relationship the first half of my life. I cannot be in a relationship except with myself the second half and I absolutely love it and there's such a peace and a joy that comes with that.

Tina Jett:

But I had to fight my way out. I talk a lot when I'm taught public speaking about this being in the dark pit and that's what it is. It's like being in that dark pit and trying to crawl our way out and it's difficult. And then we get in and, um, when we're able to let go, that we're responsible for ourselves and we're able to set those boundaries, you're going to find the right people. The right people are going to come. They're going to respect you.

Kena Siu:

They're going to honor you for that yeah, definitely, and, as you mentioned at the beginning, one of the things like I don't know you, but for me was more because of that safety. I was there in that relationship for 10 years and it was like, okay, but then, breaking up this, you know there was still love, a lot of love in there. So that safety or I mean, even though I have my job and everything, but it's you have a house together, it's like getting out of the comfort zone.

Kena Siu:

Better said, that's what it was like, but it kind of pulled me back a lot to set the boundary and said finally like no, no, I'm out of here Because there's a fear of the unknown.

Tina Jett:

Yes, fear of the unknown can be when we're making a drastic change in our life, like contemplating a divorce, a divorce, or it could be just going through a self-help program or a mindfulness program or whatever it is, and we're growing and we're stretching, but we don't know what's on the other side of that because we haven't experienced it before. So if you've not experienced, with boundary, for example, we there's no proof that it's going to work. So our little critter brain goes into, you know, fight or flight and says whoa, whoa, whoa. She's thinking of making a change quick. What can we do to stop her? Let's give her some fear. Throw some fear out, or that's her right throw some worry. Let's throw some low self-esteem at her. Um, you know to let's stop her because there's no proof that it's going to work. And so, quiet that mind down and just and being able to go within. And then from there you'll be able to start setting the boundaries and, of course, in baby steps. Yeah, and I love that.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, I would like to know if you would like to share some of the questions that you ask your clients to then shift those limiting beliefs. What is something that you will ask them?

Tina Jett:

Well, I mean that's a whole coaching session that I do privately with my clients when I'm working on limiting beliefs. It's going to be specific to each client and.

Tina Jett:

I have to uncover where. So if it's boundary setting, for example, what's what's the underlining? Is it, was it what? What is the fear that's there? You know, is the fear a safety issue? Is the fear of choosing themselves. They feel guilty, like what that is.

Tina Jett:

But the first is noticing. Again, I would just say, just getting curious. That'd be. My advice is to just get curious and notice when they're not setting a boundary, um, and you know, but I dive in with them privately, um, one-on-one to help them, to help them uncover exactly what it is, and then I can usually release it within a few sessions, even our child, and then obviously a little bit longer than that. But really it's just. You know, one thing viewers or listeners can ask themselves is just what is it you want to be experiencing? What do you want to be experiencing that you're not experiencing in your life right now? I love that, yes. And then when you have that answer and this is something they could even journal, you could journal this. You know, what do you want to be experiencing in life that you're not experiencing? And then what will happen when you do experience? Yeah, what else is possible? What else is possible that you haven't even thought of yet?

Kena Siu:

and I love that because, as you said, that's going to help us then to imagine and then getting out of that unknown, of that fear of the unknown, so we're going to be able to then take those baby steps to move forward right absolutely, yeah, just, we want to keep moving.

Tina Jett:

Asking yourself where I'm at right now, the same space From today, and we don't. We want to keep like I'm always evolving All my clients, I have the same struggles as well. I'm just in a different space because I've been working on it for a while. But you know, I still struggle with setting boundaries or the little, my little critter brain will shut me down. You sure you want to do that and I'm like no, we're OK, we're safe. There's, you know, unless there's a you know deadly gorilla with a banana getting ready to get us. We're OK, we're safe, right, and so it's just, you know, what is it you want to be experiencing and am I OK in this space and what is it we again, we don't want to. Time goes by so fast and you don't want six months a year from now, five years, and be still be in the same space you want to be. You know, I figure I'm going to be learning to the day I take my last breath, which is hopefully a really long time from now.

Kena Siu:

Um, but all there's always something to learn and grow and and do so yeah, definitely one of one of the things that I like, um, help, um, well, yeah, helping my clients to set boundaries is really to make a list of uh, like what's the boundary that they want to set, and and then also put like who's that relationship with, because every relationship is different, so it's going to be different to put a boundary, I don't know. Let's say with our mom, that with our partner or with our kids or family, right? And then I had them like really imagining, like okay, if you want to set a boundary, how can you approach it? Because most likely, if that is a close relationship, it's going to happen again. So it's like, okay, if you know it's going to happen again, how would you like to act?

Kena Siu:

So they can kind of imagine and visualize it in a way in their head and say, okay, so I can do this or I can do that. So they are kind of like prepared in advance. So when they want to set the boundary, it might happen that they could do it the first time Probably not, but at least they're going to have that awareness to say, oh, this is happening again. And okay, I noticed it's's happening, I didn't do anything and it's still okay, I'm aware now. So next time it could be, as you said, a little baby step, because otherwise, if we want to take big steps, our nervous system is just gonna shut down exactly yeah and yeah, no.

Tina Jett:

I love that and it's just saying you know what, that I want to draw, and and then stick to that you know if the boundary you want to draw is you know when you're not going to stay late after work, or you're not going to be on your phone after seven, whatever, you know when.

Tina Jett:

If somebody asks something, you're saying no to that. Um, you know, if somebody is complaining, gossiping things like that, you know you don't want to be a part of that and so you draw that boundary, you know, and I love spending time with you, I love our having our conversations, but just so you know. You know I have a no gossiping rule and that's setting the boundary, you know.

Kena Siu:

But I would love to hear about what's going on in your life, what's going well yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that because, yeah, it's about like, as you said, those boundaries are for us to work in our favor, so and then, at the same time, when we get to do that, as you said, if you're interested in the life of that person, you, you're going to have more rich and nurturing conversations, right, instead of having, like, a draining conversation or a complaint or whatever thing. So it's really how, as you said, how do we want to experience our lives and then, based on that, set the boundary itself, exactly, yep, yeah.

Kena Siu:

That's beautiful, yes, yeah, wow, I love it. Ah, I don't know if you would like to share something else, something related with the boundaries, or an experience that you have that is a bit like deeper, that it could be something nourishing for the audience that is listening um something having to do with boundaries that I've set personally or yeah or anything else. I mean about the people pleasing if you had experience or something whatever you would like to share I would.

Tina Jett:

I was the one that said yes to everything. For years I said yes to everything and the thought of I mean would put my stomach in knots, and because I didn't want to disappoint. And so, as I started going through, you know, my journey of self-healing and I started to set boundaries. I remember one of the first boundaries that I set.

Tina Jett:

Somebody had asked me they wanted me to be like you know like on a like on a full profit or to help them, and I think it was a nonprofit. If I recall yeah, it was a while ago, the nonprofit and they needed so many people on the board. And they asked I wanted to be a part of it. And so I was like sure, without speeding and checking in with myself, and then I thought about it and I was like I don't want to be a part of this. I have to tell them. And so I did. I said you know, I'm not.

Tina Jett:

You know, I thought about it. I'm not going to, that's not something I can be engaged in and actually took it really well. And so then I was like, well, this wasn't so bad. And so since then I mean, that was probably I don't even know four or five years ago, um, setting boundaries. I don't even think about it, it just it's just the way I am, and if somebody asks something again, I feel with my very in tune with my energy as a reiki master, and so I can feel within my body.

Tina Jett:

So I don't listen to my thoughts as much. I listened to how my body feels. That's me, that's what I do, um, so that my body on. You know, even when I'm coaching a client, my body guides me on what I'm going to say or how I'm going to coach. Um, but the peace, but the peace, the inner peace that comes with. That I don't feel is taught, um, you know where you have to experience it.

Tina Jett:

But the inner peace that comes with when you're able to set boundaries and when you're able to fill your cup first and when you're able to let go of the fear or the limiting beliefs, there's such a peace, an inner peace that comes in there comes from that that you realize everything that we're looking, we're searching for our whole lives has been us the entire time, and so it's just going on the journey of self-discovery and bringing in curiosity, not judging ourselves.

Tina Jett:

I'm a big one that would judge myself and beat myself up. I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing and now I'm like, okay, well, I learned, I guess I won't do that way Again. I tried, it didn't work. I just much more in my flow, and so that's what I encourage for everybody listening is to just it's okay and it's okay. It's okay to say no and it's okay to notice and get curious if there's a fear there, if there's an underlining belief, and then ask ourselves, well, where did that come from? Like, who said that to me? Where did that come from? And most likely it was childhood, and then you can always dive into inner child work which is really actually a lot of fun to do.

Kena Siu:

I love inner child work. Yeah, taking care of the little one. Definitely it's a beautiful thing to do. Yeah.

Tina Jett:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, that's a beautiful share Because, as you said, we do have all the answers within. It's really about taking the time, the stillness, to do that self-discovery, because that's the only way for us to know what we really want and also to discover what we don't want. Usually we know what we don't want, but then it's about okay, so what do we want, what do we deserve? Right, because we don't know that there is so much conditioning and so much programming. Uh, since we are born, you know caregivers, society and and all that that we feel lost and and we just follow the status quo and that's why, then, prioritizing everyone except ourselves is part of that, and because of that, we never have we never there to look ourselves in the mirror and and and really look at us, at ourselves, and see what is there, what is there deep down exactly.

Tina Jett:

you know you're right on, you're 100, 100. That's beautiful and and it's remembering too. We are the writer, we are the director, we are the producer of our lives. We do not get a do-over and you get to live your life however you want. And if you're, you know people pleasing or not setting boundaries, or you know self-sabotaging, whatever it is we get to turn the page and we get to write a new chapter.

Tina Jett:

Yes, and you'll notice that, if you need, we need help with that, there's plenty of resources out there that can guide us and help us and hold our hand or set us up for accountability or whatever it is. But I think that's the thing is remembering that we get to write our destiny. We get to write what do we want it to look like, what kind of life do we want to be living? And then, because we get to choose to say, okay, this is the type of life I want to lead and live, and I don't know how to do it. I'm going to get help to guide me so that I can live my best life and I can fill my cup first, without feeling guilty or selfish.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, and we've got to start there At least. After my separation, then divorce, I really focused on my self-care. I thought that I loved myself until I realized that I was alive, and then the more self-care I was doing in me, the more curious as you said, because it was already curiosity, I guess is when the judgment start kind of like fading away and it's when, with that curiosity, to say, ok, oh, I like this, oh, I don't like this anymore, and then see what was like already outdated and then what was something that I wanted to experience. And then from there it's how we keep like really like evolving and making the yeah, life more fun. Because when we stop, then growing I mean I don't know, at least for me like self-healing, like going deep and exploring more and more. For me I like it.

Kena Siu:

I know some people they are afraid of it because what they are going to face. But for what you have mentioned from your experience, what I understand is it is worth going deep. Experience of what I understand is it is worth going deep, it is worth going to that shadow part because once we understand it and accept it, the light, the all the light that comes in it is, yep, Absolutely.

Tina Jett:

Absolutely. I remember for years going well, how do I love myself? I think I love myself. I don't know what it's supposed to feel like. What does this love feel like? I don't know.

Tina Jett:

I was on like an Oprah show way back in the day and I don't remember who the guest was and they were talking about, you know, loving yourself and the guests. Oh, this is absolutely. I just I'm amazing, I'm wonderful, I'm fabulous and I'm just like okay, they're talking about this, but how do you get it? It's not something you get, it's something that's inside of us.

Tina Jett:

I think the thing to remember, too, is that change is scary because it's on the other side. So our little critter brain is doing everything it can to halt us, to say, oh nope, you can't afford that. Oh nope, that's not going to work. Oh no, you've tried that it's not going to work because we haven't gone through it. But I promise, I promise, I promise it is scarier to stay stuck where you're at than it is to go through the transformation. And once it's like why didn't I not do this years ago? This is what everybody was talking about. This is what it feels like. It's like a secret little club and it's amazing and but it can, it's I wouldn't get there. I can get my clients there quickly and it's not scary. It seems scary, but it's not. I promise. It's scarier to stay stuck and not set boundaries.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, I agree that it's. It's worse to get to stay stuck in there than move forward, because it's going to be a few moments, yeah, discomfort, pain or whatever it is, but once we get out of it, it's just. I mean, it's just amazing what we can experience and live every single day from there if we want to.

Tina Jett:

Yes, absolutely.

Kena Siu:

Beautiful. So, tina, would you like to share anything else before we close today's interview with you? It has been an honor. Seriously, this conversation is. I have enjoyed a lot. This was so fun. It has been an honor. Seriously, this conversation is I have enjoyed it a lot.

Tina Jett:

This is so fun, it went by so fast. I'm like, wow, there's so much more to talk about. You know. I think, just as a takeaway is just remember to fill your cup first and, to you know, start your day with intention. Start your day. I always start my morning slow, I caught with coffee and journaling, and that's my quiet time. But taking yourself, giving yourself time every day, um, for me, I love starting my day that way, because there's something peaceful about noshing. So I love the quiet mornings, um, where I can just sit with my thoughts and my minds and just allow space. That's where my clarity comes from. But just feel to fill your cup first, to just give yourself permission to, to take time out for yourself, even if it's, I always say, 30 minutes a day and I say I don't care if it's 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the afternoon, 10 minutes in the evening, so that's like 3%, 5% of your day.

Tina Jett:

That's good, it's almost nothing for you, Not, and not. That doesn't mean watching Netflix, that doesn't mean scrolling on social media or um, you know, um, playing a game or anything, but just no phone. Just be with yourself, because that's where you start to connect and start asking deep, powerful questions. You know, what is it that I want in life, what is it I want to be? And that's going to allow that space, for that clarity right To come. And you know, changes happen, but they happen, you know, in small moments. In small moments like that and taking a time out for ourselves, when we're able to just really pause and just be present with ourselves, feel our heart beating, engage our senses, just look around, look, there's beauty all around us.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Tina Jett:

Thank you so much.

Kena Siu:

You're welcome. Yeah, there's beauty all around us. Us, if we choose to see beauty, we're gonna see it, that's for sure. And I believe that that beauty it had to start by us looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying, yeah, I am enough, I am worthy and I know how to say to go to set a power, one boundaries, so I can honor myself.

Tina Jett:

Yep, honoring your yes, yes.

Kena Siu:

And I have a question for you before we close. What is a pleasure of you that you enjoy?

Tina Jett:

Well, I enjoy the sunrise, sunrise, the sunsets um, I love taking that time out for myself, um, like a meditation. I'm an avid meditator. Those are the things my life more enjoyable and more pleasurable is. Giving myself time outs is what I call my putting myself in timeout, and on the days that I don't, then I feel it in my body. So I just I love quiet time with myself. I love spending time with with myself yeah, that's very inspiring.

Kena Siu:

I call it me time, yeah, okay. Well, thank you again, tina. It has been a pleasure having you here. You brought a lot of thank you so much this.

Tina Jett:

Thank you so much. This was so much fun.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, it was so much fun. Thank you so much.

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