Midlife Butterfly: Self-Discovery, Women Empowerment & Life Transitions

#24 - The Power of Worthiness Beyond Confidence with Dana Hunter Fradella

• Kena Siu • Episode 24

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In this juicy episode of Midlife Butterfly, we dive deep into the sacred difference between confidence and worthiness with my dear friend and podcast sister Dana Hunter Fradella. Dana is a powerhouse of joy, truth, and awakening, and this conversation will absolutely stir your soul. If you’ve ever wondered why success doesn’t always feel fulfilling, or why you’re still doubting yourself after doing all the things—this one’s for you.

 

In This Episode, You’ll Hear:

  • The sneaky difference between confidence (external) and worthiness (internal)
  • Why chasing achievement can leave you feeling empty
  • How the patriarchy and perfectionism chip away at your self-worth
  • A powerful metaphor that reframes the “broken woman” narrative
  • Real, raw tools for reconnecting with your soul’s knowing—and reclaiming your worth

 

Reflection Questions:

  1. Where have I been chasing confidence instead of cultivating worthiness?
  2. What would I love—not just what do I want?
  3. Am I willing to go to any lengths to remember who I truly am?

 

Connect with Dana:

🦋If you’re a Midlife Butterfly listener and you’re ready to take a big leap and know you want support, you can schedule your free 60-minute breakthrough call with Dana. Together, we’ll identify the leap you want to take, the biggest thing holding you back, and the best first steps to finally doing the thing you’ve always wanted to do. Book yours here for a limited time.

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You can find all the podcast details right here: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast

Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise

Follow Kena on Instagram: @midlifebutterfly

Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly

For Coaching, Courses & More Visit Kena's Website: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/workwithme

Request a Free Empowered Call with Kena if you're interested in working with her: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/empoweredsession


Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Kena Siu:

We often chase confidence, but what if what we truly crave is to feel worthy just as we are?

Kena Siu:

Midlife butterfly, a woman in the sacred in between. She's not who she once was and not quite who she's becoming yet. She's unraveling, awakening, remembering. She's navigating life transitions, divorce, loss, reinvasion moves, with a burning desire for freedom, joy and solid living. She feels the pull to rise, to fly. She's no longer afraid of her own wings.

Kena Siu:

My dear podcast sister, Dana Hunter Fradella, is one of the most energetic people I've ever been with. To tell you the truth, her joy, vitality is so contagious and I'm so happy to have you here, dana. It is a pleasure pleasure to have you, dana. She's a speaker, a transformational coach for women on the verge of a breakthrough. She's a founder of Girls who Recover, host of the Girls who Recover podcast and a mom of three wild girls.

Kena Siu:

Over the past two decades, dana has helped hundreds of women transform their lives, careers and finances, taking big leaps to create their biggest dreams. Her specialty is empowering and supporting women to finally do the thing they always wanted to do. A manifesting maven and lover of all things, new Orleans, dana has created a life she loves, complete with dreams, relationships, a driving business, optimum health, long-term recovery and even Taylor Swift tickets Her mission To help every woman confidently say I get to do, be, have and give whatever I want and I absolutely love my life. Oh my God, that's so powerful and in this it is. It is. I've had someone read my bio.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I'm like this is real. This is real. It's not just jargon that I jot down with chat GPT. It's like that's from my soul.

Kena Siu:

That's you yes.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It's a reflection of my soul and not so long ago and this is perfect for our topic I would not have well, I wouldn't have been here, but also I wouldn't have had the courage to not only write it but also receive it in the way that my soul is like. Yes, girl?

Kena Siu:

Yes, of course, and I'm just so happy just to see you while we're reading it. You were like hell yeah, that's right.

Kena Siu:

Oh, my God, so beautiful, ah, thank you. Thank you, dana, for being here and, uh, well, I really love the idea that you had to talk about what's the powerful difference between confidence and worthiness and, as you said, you probably would not be here if it wasn't for that evolution that you have gotten. And, to tell you the truth, me too, I would not be here because my self-worth was buried, not even on the floor. It was buried, so yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Did you like? Yes, I was thinking about that. I said, you know, just being a guest on someone else's podcast requires both. It requires confidence to be able to say, yes, I'm going to do that, but also this worthiness of you. Know, before I showed up here, I was in workout clothes and I took like 10 minutes. I said, okay, I'm going to put on a dress and I'm going to say a prayer and I'm going to get quiet for a minute. But I didn't do any freaking out, I didn't do any preparing, I didn't do any worrying, and so just this presence with you for both of us as you mentioned confidence and worthiness.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, and I also. I can't help but say we truly are both miracles and also podcast sisters, because we created our podcast and launched it at the same time and we have the same number of episodes and the same cadence. And can I just offer you a compliment? Will you receive it? Oh, of course yes. There have been a couple of times, kena, when I thought you know what I'm not going to do, it Like I'm not going to do, it's going to be fine, I'm not going to publish the episode, there's too much going on. And I said I would look at your podcast and I said, no, we're on the same week and we're going to have the same number. And it wasn't like a competitive nature. It was like this woman is inspiring me so much by fulfilling the promise and commitment that she made to herself, and so I'm going to do it too. And sometimes that's meant like publishing an episode that I didn't feel amazing about doing it anyway, or?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

staying up late to get it done, or just doing it in the middle of the day when my brain, the perfectionist part of my brain is like it has to be done this way at this time every week. You got to have a system blah, blah, blah, right which makes it no fun. Oh yeah, and so thank you for and even if you aren't doing that, I want you to know that I'm just looking to you as a complete and utter inspiration for me. So I feel like we're linked in hearts and both in arms, and we're walking each other home one brave step at a time.

Kena Siu:

Yes, oh my God, thank you, thank you. I well received. It got stuck on my throat, but it's for a good reason.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, great yeah.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, okay, I would like you to share a bit about your story first before we dive in. I mean, we talk a bit now how we have grown in some areas through here and where we are now. But yeah, well, I want to know more about your story. What's behind?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, it's almost impossible to tell my story, as it turns out, without involving the topics of confidence and worthiness, and so the thing that I mostly talk about beyond helping women transform and do the thing they've always wanted to do is okay, how can I like, how did I get here? How can I do that? It's. It goes way back to I. I have a really confident mom, and so I watched her do the thing. That's that confident people do and they take the risk and they speak in front of a crowd and they advocate for themselves and they say the hard things and so beautiful role model, and I'm so grateful for that.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And I remember this time where, in like the fifth grade, I stood up in front of the class and I gave a speech it was like with the DARE program, which is don't do drugs, basically and I won the speech and I was like, oh, that's amazing.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And then the next day I felt so empty I'm so proud of myself for winning the speech and doing the thing and then the next day felt really empty. I wasn't awake to that, but I mentioned that because it was the first time that something like that happened and I cultivated this belief. My mom is also very successful, and so this belief that I need to be successful, to do like what is not without understanding, like what does success actually mean? Well, here's what it meant to me it was get good grades, go to a really good school, Uh, and maybe they go to a really good school and maybe then go to another really good school and then get a job and make a bunch of money and then live the dream, have all the things and maybe get married and kids, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, that's what it's like.

Kena Siu:

The status quo checklist.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yeah, yeah, right, like where did that come from? I don't know. It's cultural conditioning, it's the patriarchy, it's a lot of things.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I loved making lists. I would go back in my journals from middle school and high school and there would be these journals filled with lists of the things that I did the doing the doing, the doing, the doing, the doing.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Because I thought if I did the thing, then I would finally be successful. And underneath that success is like okay, I finally feel. Well, what does that mean? Whole, okay, complete, at peace, because I didn't feel any of those things after I got the degrees and after I traveled abroad and got the great internship and was a school leader and almost married a wealthy man. And then I did all these things. I said I did the things. Why am I still so empty inside? And it was because, ultimately, I had a lot of self-confidence and not a whole lot of self-worthiness.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

But, I didn't even have the language. I really wasn't even awake to this until well, I got sober back in 2009. So it's been over 15 years and I started to rebuild both of those things without even knowing the words, Because when I got sober, I had lost not only all of the self-worth that I had, but also the confidence as well. So it was all gone and my mind Can.

Kena Siu:

I pause you there then.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yeah, absolutely.

Kena Siu:

So the alcoholism was giving you confidence.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Wow, that's a great question. And when I was reviewing the, I want to attribute at the beginning Jamie Kernley in this book Worthy, because it was such a wake-up call for me to read that book and it just gave language to all of the feelings that I was having. So, yes and no. What happens when we rely too much on self-confidence? And this is my experience, so I'll just make it about me when I was relying so much on the superficial but there was no foundation. That means that the ground below, the ground beneath, was empty. And so think about Jamie uses this metaphor confidence is the house. This is from the scripture too. Right, we build this house, which is our life. But if you're building a house on hollow ground, where all the ground underneath is just empty instead of a rock bed foundation.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Your house is going to be destroyed with the first wind or it's going to implode. And that's what happened is that I was so focused on building my self-confidence, which is achievement-based, it's doing-based, it's outcome-based, it's external-based, but I had no idea how to ground in and build that foundation of worthiness, because I didn't hear as a kid, and maybe it was said to me, except for specific instances and maybe I'll come back to those specific incidents, I'll let this out myself. It was in church. I was talking to my girls we just sent them to church camp this week. Then the first day they were so resistant, they're like we don't want to go to camp, we hate church. I was talking to my girls we just sent them to church camp this week. Then the first day they were so resistant, they're like we don't want to go to camp, we hate church. And I was like listen, you're going, I know the good stuff is there. And they came back singing these songs the first day of how worthy they were and how good God is.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And how good it is and how precious they are and how loved they are. And so I mention that because there were these instances where I heard I'm perfect and worthy and whole exactly the way I was. But it was like at church camp over the summer one year, or in youth group when I bothered to show up.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And it wasn't internalized. It wasn't this conversation around. It doesn't matter what you do. There's nothing you can do to be unworthy. There's nothing you can do to shake your value no degree, no marriage, no money. None of that affects your worthiness, and that's not the message that I got that I heard. Maybe I got it, kayna. I mean maybe people said it, but I had already made it my mind at the ripe age of 10 about what was good and what wasn't.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So I Let me answer your question just really quickly. What happens is that something has got to fill that hollowness.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And in my case, I used alcohol to fill it because when I drank, it made me feel whole. It made me feel like it was all going to be okay and it was finally complete. It was like all the puzzle pieces fit together. But here is the tricky part about alcoholism two features of it.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

One is when you start drinking, even with the best intentions and the best laid plans, you can't stop. It's almost impossible to stop, and so I would feel that sense of wholeness for a whole like 45 minutes, and then after that I'd continue to drink to seek that feeling. And then what happens is you black out and you do crazy things and you wake up and filled with guilt, shame and remorse, and then it's a vicious cycle, because then you feel empty again and something's got to fill that. And if not the degree, then the. And then the second part about alcoholism is it's progressive, which means once you've got it, it only gets worse. It never gets better unless there is I'm going to just say this with confidence a spiritual intervention. There is an intervention that involves a reconfiguration of your own worthiness which for me has been channeled by the spirit, so hopefully I answered that.

Kena Siu:

Yes, you did no. No, it makes sense how you say it and how it is that actual vicious cycle that it keeps going over there.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yeah, vicious cycle that he keeps going over there. Yeah, and unfortunately, when you are abusing anything whether it's alcohol or drugs or sugar, or eating or sex or gambling or whatever right Everybody has insert the blank issue. We're not addressing what the core issue is, which is I'm disconnected from my own sense of worthiness, of who I am and whose I am, and so of course I'm going to drink too much, of course I'm going to watch too much TV, of course I'm going to do drugs, whatever the issue is because I don't realize how valuable and worthy I am, which results in abuse of whatever. And that was my story, and I wish I could say like, oh, my first couple of years sober, I woke up and I realized like, oh, it's all about worthiness.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

No, ma'am, my first thought was how soon can I get the well-paying job back and how soon can I go back to school? And how soon can I get married? And how soon can I get external validation, but in the meantime, validation, but in the meantime as a gift of the recovery program. Yeah, yeah, yeah about all that. But the emphasis that I did start to hear and finally did internalize is like none of that matters if you don't have a connection with the creator or source or God or universe, whatever you want to call it. It does not care the thing that beats your heart, because we know it's not you. And so the foundation of recovery is based on this idea that we must connect to a higher power, greater than ourselves, even if it's as small as a mustard seed. A connection and a connection and a connection. Until not so long ago, I woke up and still had a bunch of self-confidence, but finally had this foundation of worthiness that was not contingent upon anything external.

Kena Siu:

Isn't that the best thing ever?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Which is when I left my six-figure job and I said well, none of this matters. What matters is I just woke up to the fact that I'm complete and worthy, no matter what, and so I'm going to go do what I would love.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I'm going to take a big leap which is what I help women do now do the thing they've always wanted to do, and you can't do that until you've installed this idea, or at least a beginning of I'm worthy and whole, exactly the way I am. Yes, I don't need any of this external stuff, and I think that's what blocks a lot of us. It's like, well, I got to pay the mortgage and I got to pay this and my identity, and so I won't stay stuck in the self-confidence which will take me so far but won't fix the foundation.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, definitely.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, yeah, If we could just keep focusing on in the exterior and not going in. That's why, that's when I guess that's one of that's what we say we have that. You know, midlife crisis, no, is when you really pop in there and it's like no, it's your soul calling you man, Women. In this case, that's what is happening. It's your soul's calling. It's about stop doing.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

The only crisis is the ego. The ego is having a crisis, that representative, that performative part of you that needs everybody to think you're perfect and have it all together. And guess what? You don't need that and you don't have it all together and it's okay. So it's an awakening, and I'm in the middle of it. I think we both are right.

Kena Siu:

Yes, definitely.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It's not a crisis except for the ego. It's an awakening for the spirit. Yes, it's that call forward that's always been there. We've just now tuned in our dial to finally listen to it.

Kena Siu:

And then the crisis comes really.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

There is a crisis when we aren't brave enough, which is based on worthiness to take action, to be on assignment just like you have.

Kena Siu:

You've done this.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

You're a model for that. Terrifying brave action, but you can't not take it, you can't yeah no, we can't.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, it can take many foods, you know many paths, but we're going to keep being pushed, pushed until we can, until we just burst open, until we freaking surrender finally and say okay, I'm here, I'm listening, because I know you, beautiful voice of my soul, or from source, you are not going anywhere and I gotta finally listen to you.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Especially for women, we have such, in my opinion, closer access to that intuitive voice. Yes, that is literally. We have a line, we have a direct line to God, kena, and we're ignoring it. We're like you remember. You're okay, midlife right. So my midlife girls, I bet you had a wall phone right when you were growing up and the phone was on the wall and you had to go to the wall and pick it up and answer the call from the wall. I'm sorry.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I totally lost my train of thought where I was going with that. But like you have to answer the call, you have to. It's not going away. Oh, here's where I was going. Yes, good job, dana's mind, we're coming back together. Is that okay? If you knew that you had a direct line to the creator of the universe, knew, if you knew that you had a direct line to the creator of the universe, wouldn't you use it? Wouldn't you walk over to the wall phone and pick it up and be like, hey, god, can you tell me what to do about this? And then you sit in meditation and you listen and the answer comes yes, maybe not in meditation, but you will always be careful what you ask, because you will always get the answer.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Always and so this is a different topic, but if you're asking low, small minded questions, you're going to get low level, small minded answers. Now, if you take the time to ask expansive life giving on our call today, buzzing questions, the answer will drop in to the to the expansive question. You'll get an expansive answer.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So, so, yeah, so the answer. The question I'm asking a lot to myself and my clients and mentees is if you had a direct line, to God, wouldn't?

Kena Siu:

you use it Because I don't know, at least in my case, like I was raised Catholic, but it was more like being pushed to go to church, you know, and Catholicism is based on fear. So I never not until my adulthood I understood why I never felt like really connected to that religion and it was like who wants to live in fear. It's until I started doing yoga that I reconnected with mind, body and soul that I was like oh no, everything is based in love. It's love, not fear.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, and just to clarify, spirituality and religion sometimes have nothing to do with each other, and sometimes they do, and a lot of religion is based in fear. Why? Because it's controlling, and if we knew the whole truth then we would be totally free, which would be impossible to control. And so I have worked through my previous hard feelings towards my religious upbringing, and what I've realized is your spirit is everywhere and you can go to church. I started recently, in the last couple of years, going back to church. I love the experience, but I co-created my spiritual foundation without needing to do that, and now I just go because it amplifies the relationship that I already have and puts me around other people who are also seeking God in a way.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

that's very life-giving and the place we choose to go very much like. The core message is God is love, God is love.

Kena Siu:

God is love.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And it says where love is felt. The mantra of the church is where love is felt, god is found. Love is love, and it says where love is felt.

Kena Siu:

The mantra of the church is where love is felt. God is found, love is felt. Yeah, that would resonate for me, but not before.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Not me either. It was very much like you did what Get on your knees and say the rosary right, get on your knees, which? Is very like. Come on now.

Kena Siu:

And then my fault, my fault, and then with our heart, with our hand, we stepped our heart like this Like no, like no that's a big no I'm having.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I'm having a bit of an awakening now because you know, the big question is what happened to us? Like what? When did we forget and I'm not talking about an individual, although I get to coach, I do one-on-one coaching and I get to look a woman in the eye and say when did you forget that you were born completely, whole and perfect and worthy out the gate and nothing has ever shifted that. When did you forget? But the question we're asking now is on a whole scale, global level when did we forget? When did we forget Well, this could have something to do with it the patriarchal structures of religion, of education, of business, of finances, of society, and the whole message is you're not enough.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

You're not enough, you're not enough, you're not enough. So it's not like we have a problem as individual women. We have a global crisis.

Kena Siu:

Yes.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

We're telling people and women receive it specifically.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

How do you have to?

Kena Siu:

look, how do you have to dress? Oh, no, you are getting old. No, no, no, put photos for here, there, like why, and you know what? That's one of the things that I don't understand, because for women aging it's like, it's like a penalty Penalties, that's how we say it in English, you know, it's like a punishment or something. And for men it's like, oh my God, he's aging. No, who handsome he is. And da da da. So it's like are you freaking, kidding me? It's like, give me a break. And that's when we are actually more powerful. Because, as you said, at this time in midlife, it's when we start waking up and if we take that call and we start taking our power back, oh my God, well, we can achieve, and achieve. I'm not talking about well also in matter, but I'm talking about inside of us, that power that comes within, that is actually being into alignment, being at peace, in love, in balance, in harmony within, and then from here, propagate it outside. Oof, that's the best power ever.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And the way that we transform starts here. It's definitely an X. For me at least, it was a wake up call. I also just have to say I majored in women's studies, so I've always sort of been interested in the inequity and the discrepancy and, more importantly, in the okay, how do we do this? Not just close the gap, but remember who we are. Because a woman who knows who she is is a powerful superhero. Yes, she's a secret weapon. She's a superhero. You can smell her before she even walks in the room. You can feel her before she even gets to the block. Yes, a woman who knows who she is and whose she is.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Because, I'll be honest with you, this is what I found and I want to tell a quick story. So it was. This is last year. I thought, well, what can I do, like, what do I have that I can offer my audience as a masterclass that I think women need? And I've sort of asked questions and I did market research and a lot of what came back was confidence and I was like I got confidence, like I got that I could write the book on confidence, and I felt very confident about doing a masterclass on confidence. I didn't have to chat GPT. I literally just wrote it based on my own experience, understanding, and it was my favorite masterclass up to that point and it'll have like two people came, but I loved it. Okay, so I thought that's interesting. Uh, two people came, so it wasn't super. More people watched it after, but still, I normally had more people on the show up rate. Okay, that's interesting, hmm, so, but I still continue to market it.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I put it in my email signature. I was like I've got the lock on. I think it was called how to build unshakable confidence. And then the universe has a sense of humor. She knows exactly what we need and when we need it. And so, within 10 days after I gave that masterclass, oprah recommended to me I'm an Oprah insider because I love her so much, but she's like okay, you need to listen to Jamie Kern, lena's podcast and then you need to go buy her book and whatever Oprah says I basically do. So I read her book and was cracked wide open. I was like, what? I need to take that masterclass down immediately, because I'm now propagating the problem which is telling women that if you just had more confidence, then you'd finally get whatever you want. But that's not where it is, and I'm so glad that I found that because, yes, confidence is good, but where true fulfillment and purpose and happiness and ease, and also better health, better physical health, better mental health, better sleep, better sex, better everything comes from is not confidence, it's worthiness.

Kena Siu:

Can you, in that case, tell us what's the difference between these two?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yeah. So if you're open to it, I'm just going to read a couple of things from Jamie's book. Of course, go for it. Her words are so powerful. The gist of the difference is confidence, is your belief in your ability to do Okay. So confidence is doing. It's action oriented, it's external, it's achievement oriented and it fluctuates. It's very volatile. So it's like I had a masterclass with 50 people in it, yay, and then the next one's two, and I'm like, oh, I'm a failure, right, that's the difference in a fluctuation of confidence it's based on the number and outcome.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, okay.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And you can build it, but it's all external. Okay, worthiness is not in anything that you do. It's all about who you be. My girl it's who are you?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

who you're being and it's the belief that you are inherently valuable and deserving of everything good love, connection, belonging, abundance, joy. Simply because you're here, it's your birthright, yes and a knowing, and it doesn't matter where you went to school or how much money you make, or how many kids you have or how many cats you have. Nothing matters, because you truly believe in your core that, just because you're here, you're worthy and abundant and enough. And it's not something that you ever earn. There's nothing you can do to get more or less of it, but it is something that we remember and, as it turns out, midlife is a perfect time to remember.

Kena Siu:

And also.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I hope that the message reaches women before midlife so that they can grow up, which is why I feel this compelling energy in my bones and my soul. I have three little daughters I've got five-year-old and an eight-year-old, and tomorrow I'll have a 10-year-old, because it's her birthday and I want they've heard this before. There's nothing you can do to be more worthy and loved than you already are. I don't care about your grades, I don't care about if you're on the dance team, I don't care if you, what your attendance percentage is, none of that actually matters. You were born as a creation of the creator, through me, as the channel, and you're worthy and perfect exactly the way you are. There's nothing you can ever do to break that. Wouldn't we all benefit from hearing more of that?

Kena Siu:

That was exactly what I was thinking. Our world would be so, so different.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

This is the thing I've learned about kids is they actually don't care what you say. It's good, it's good to hear what you say, but you know what they do care about who you are.

Kena Siu:

They care about who you are.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So are they seeing a mom who's so grounded in her own worthiness that she just radiates, and it doesn't matter if we're on the school field trip, it doesn't matter if we're at church, it doesn't matter if we're at the pool. They are with a mom who is so clear on who and who she is that it resonates everywhere I go. And that's the thing I have the most confidence is is I remembered who I was, and it had nothing to do with any action that I took. It was a simple opening the heart and remembering what was always there. But I was asleep at the wheel and I couldn't see it. Yeah, because I was chasing the checkbox and the list and the degrees and the external. The other thing is about this external. There's nothing wrong with it. Like you know, we love having money. It's great.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yeah, I've been fortunate to be generous and invest and buy ourselves fancy things and take vacations and go to Mexico and create your sister to myself. There's nothing wrong with that, except that's first Is that first. If so, your ground is hollow. But if the connection with your source and yourself, your higher self, is all that matters, all that other stuff will fall into place, because you are created by the creator of the universe. You are the daughter of the king or queen and king and queen.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, so that was a very extended response. I didn't actually use Jamie's words. There was. Those were some notes, but I do want to say a couple of things that she said. So self-confidence is what you show on the outside and self-worth is how you feel on the inside.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

On the inside Self-confidenceworth is how you feel on the inside. Confidence is based on mastery, which is do, do, do, do, do, do. And self-worth is based on identity, which is be, be, be, be, be. Confidence is what you can do. Worth is who you are. Confidence is believing that you're skilled enough. I'm confident as a public speaker. Why? Because I've had a lot of practice. Was I confident the first time? I'm not going to lie. I think so. I told her the story in fifth grade. That's like an innate, something that I was just like out the gate. Here you go. But the other thing is I didn't have practice being a podcast guest. So the first 10 times I was a podcast guest, I felt very much in growth mode and not as confidence.

Kena Siu:

Okay, it's built with practice.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Exactly so. Confidence is built with practice. It's how baseball players become confident. It's how my girls learn how to ride bikes and swim because they practice and they practice. But the worthiness is having the audacity to show up in the first place.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, of course.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I don't care if I blow it, I don't need to put, I don't need to, I don't need to spend an hours and hours getting ready for a podcast interview. I'm perfect and worthy exactly the way I am. Whatever comes out of my mouth is a gift from the creator.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

So it comes to me then, because to our listeners they're going to say so. How do I then get back that sense of worthiness? Right, because I think it's rooted in wounds, in trauma, like in my case it was rejection. Like what do you?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

think are the more common like wounds or kind of like generalizing situation that can cause us, since we are children, to believe that we are unworthy. Wow, that is such a big question, kayla, so I can only speak. I want to speak from my personal experience and then what I've observed, studied and observed, although human beings are very complex and we all have our own adventures and journeys and I don't know why Candyland, but the Candyland adventures through life. Have you played Candy Land? It's very curvy, it's lots of colors. There's a lot going on in Candy Land. At our core, we're all pretty much the same. So we've got these wounds of. I'm not enough. Please don't leave me this fear of abandonment, this fear of not being enough.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And then it will come up as different variations of that. I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of success, I'm afraid of taking action, I'm afraid of being judged, I'm afraid of what they think but really it's. I'm afraid I'm not enough and I'm afraid of being abandoned or rejected. But I want to pull up this quote from Marianne Williamson because underneath all of that is something much bigger. And so give me just a second to pull this up. I love that. It's just coming through, I think. I'm almost sure. Okay, it's from her book A Return to Love, which is written in the 1990s. If you don't know, marianne Williamson, no, I do so.

Kena Siu:

I'm just wondering if you're going to read the quote that I love from her. So let's go.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It's a stellar one. And the other thing about Marianne Williamson is she's a great example of someone who clearly has both confidence but a foundation built on worthiness, and in her book, a Return to Love, she speaks into that, so I highly recommend that book. Also, she ran for president recently and I got to meet her Whoa, that's amazing, it's about from my girl, marianne Phillips. I'm sorry. She ran for president in the United States. I keep forgetting her in Canada or Mexico, depending on where we're at, just take you but she recently ran for president of the United States. Okay, so she is a master of many things wisdom and spirituality primarily, and because she created such a following and she's a brilliant political scholar she also has a political experience too.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Are you ready for the quote? Yes, okay. She says actually, who are you not to be? You are the child of God, and your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us, and it's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And she closes with this as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same, and as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. So a couple of things there. This comes from psychology, our core fears of I'm not enough and fear of abandonment. That's actually not it. That's the patriarchal conditioning, but underneath that it's I'm afraid of my own power.

Kena Siu:

Yes.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Who would I be if I stepped into the light and claimed the power as my birthright, as a creation of the creator? What then? What then would I be responsible for? It's big.

Kena Siu:

Yes, it's a big thing.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yes, and when we do. But when we do that and Marianne's a great example, I mean she gives. She gives very few Fs I was almost sure you were going to. She's willing to step into her own light and be brave and make mistakes and have to apologize and write books and run for president, because she has a core belief that she is available for her own power. She has a right to her own power and so she does things like that the audacity.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And as a result I will I'm going to drop it here is that she was called every name in the book on her political tour. She was called a witch, a bitch, a whore, every single thing you could think of along the way, and she just said see, this is the patriarchy. And she didn't let it shake her much. I can imagine her sweetheart was shaken a little bit. Let it shake her much. I can imagine her sweetheart, like, was shaken a little bit, but she didn't let it stop her because she's clear on who she is and who she is, and she uses the word child of God.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I say daughter of the King. You say whatever you want, you were created by something that created the universe. So you might have a little bit of light and special in there. Would you be willing to step into that? Okay, so, but that didn't answer your question at all. Right, your question is what do we do? Your question was well, why, why? Well, I mean, we can write a manifesto on the why, but can we agree that it's because we're afraid of our own power and also we're entrenched in the patriarchy? And let it just be that simple, because what I don't want to happen, mostly because that was part of my journey, especially pre-sobriety is oh well, I just need to go get more therapy and like no, no disrespect on therapy. I have pretty consistently had a therapist for my whole adult life, but that's not the thing that has created the transformative belief and identity that I am worthy exactly the way I am. No therapist. Nobody could ever have said that to me until I was willing to remember it for myself.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, it's an inner work. We have to be willing, as you said, to be open, to go in, to do the work, to go in and say, okay, what is that, what is that shadow, as we call it? You know, what are those parts of yourself that you're not willing to go see Because, again, somebody told you that you don't supposed to look over there, you have to be shameful or feel guilty, or blah, blah, blah, blah.

Kena Siu:

all these stories to be shameful or feel guilty or blah, blah, blah, blah. All these stories. And that's one of the things that until we don't really accept that shadow and accept that light because, as this quote says I love that quote, every time I read it or I hear it it gives me chills and I want to cry because I know it's talking to my soul and it's also recognizing that light that we are and until we don't accept, understand and love all those parts of us, until then we're not going to feel that we are worthy because then we believe and we think that we are broken. But we are not broken, we are always whole. It's just because of the different wounds, the trauma, et cetera, et cetera, life experiences. Then we start putting those little hurt parts of us aside and aside and aside, and that's what we feel that we are broken, but no, when we put all those parts together, then we're going to understand that we are whole, we have been whole all the time and that we are worthy since we've been given birth in here.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

From the first breath until this moment Exactly this moment.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And that concept. I've really struggled a little bit, or I don't know struggle, but like kind of agreed and then disagreed and gone back and forth with this idea that we're broken, because I truthfully don't think that we are. What I think has happened is we're looking too much at the mirror of our own lives and these things that we've experienced and I'm not dismissing them like humans, especially women, have encountered many things that are not ideal and that are harmful, and they are like taking a hammer. Every time something like that has been experienced and hitting the mirror and part of the mirror breaks. And the next thing that happens hitting the mirror and the mirror breaks. And I don't want to be general right, so it's like when my dad, when my dad, my parents, got divorced, it was like bam, part of my identity broke.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

But notice that the hammer is hitting the mirror, and so it's the mirror that's broken. It's not me, it's not the woman standing in front of the mirror. It's the way I see me. It's not the woman standing in front of the mirror.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It's the way I see me, but I'm whole the whole time. Yes, I love that analogy. So the other you know. And then it's like, yeah, how many hammer, how many knocks on the mirror have you endured? Probably a lot, right? So there's in my story, just quickly my stories. My parents got divorced and then I had experience with sexual assault and then I had an eating disorder and then I had self-esteem issues and then I didn't get this. I got bad grades and then I did this and this, then alcoholism and this right, and then like, so many bangs on the mirror, I'm not enough. This person left me and I didn't get this and my dad died and it's like, why me? And knock, knock, knock on the mirror. But the woman standing in front of the mirror was always whole.

Kena Siu:

And unworthy.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And here's the shift and it's never been given to me like it has just been is that the difference in my life now is I'm not looking at the mirror for who I am, I'm looking at the creator. I'm looking at the creator. I'm looking at the creator and it's like where's the creator? Well, I'm looking at her right now in the form of Kata Sue, and then I'm looking out the window in the form of the greenery in New Orleans, and I'm looking at my children, what they're playing, and I'm looking. And so if you need visual evidence of God, look around.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It's everywhere I don't have to stand entrenched looking at this broken mirror, and I don't even need to fix the mirror. There's no fix. There's no fixing needed because I was never broken. Those experiences only shattered the idea of what I thought I was. I don't know where that came from C Kane it's the first time I've ever but it was divinely downloaded, so I hope that's helpful. It's beautiful.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So the question that has to come next is okay, I hear you, I'm with you, the coach right, like they probably have. Many of them have multiple degrees, many of them are high earners, many of them are high achievers, and they were all asking this question of okay, I hear you, like the confidence thing isn't sustainable, so what do I need to do? And that's where the transformation happens. So would you like me to share how to build a little bit more worthiness?

Kena Siu:

Yes, please, I was sure our early centers that were like I'm waiting for this?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Please tell me.

Kena Siu:

Yes.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And I will say it is whatever. You make it. So you can say it's a lot of hard work or you can say it's going to be so fun and easy because you get to decide how anything is. You literally can decide how your day is going to be before it even happens. Did you know this? Yes, of course. So of course you did right. Like we're in the same spectrum. You can decide before you ever have the meeting, before you ever pick up the phone, before you ever get in bed with somebody, like whether it's going to be amazing or whether it's not, because we get what we look for and expect. I don't know where that came from. Oh, the perception of the work, because the question is is it going to be hard? Is it going to be painful?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It's going to be what you decide that it's going to be, is it going to be worth it? Yes, yes, yes, I'll say you know this. This, this work, isn't for everyone it's. Yet in order to be, in order to be in front of the work, there has to be this came into me in meditation, so I'm going to go ahead and say it. There has to be. This came into me in meditation, so I'm gonna go ahead and say it. There has to be this answer to a question that I'm gonna ask.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So, in the recovery community, oftentimes, if you are being taken through the work, the your guide will ask you are you willing to go to any lengths? And if you're, if you're issues, drugs or alcohol, like my first mentor said, are you willing to go to any lengths to get sober? And I was so beaten down. This is the great. The other great thing about alcoholism is it will win. It always does, and we can either surrender or not. And so I was so surrendered and so devastated at the time that she could have told me to strip naked, paint my body blue, orange and purple and go run in the middle of the interstate. But she could have told me to strip naked, paint my body blue, orange and purple and go run in the middle of the interstate, and I would have been willing to do that. Now, that's not what she asked, but what she did ask is are you willing to go to any lengths, are you willing to do whatever it takes?

Kena Siu:

And I said yes.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And so the question here is listen, this work is not for the faint of heart, it's for the woman who's ready to remember who she is. And so I'm going to ask the question are you willing to go to any lengths to remember your own worthiness? Hell yeah, and it needs to be a hell yeah. And you don't even have to know, you just have to be willing. Yeah, and that's when you've made that decision. You've already won, you've already, you've already started the remembering process. Okay, so I took some notes, but I'm going to actually abandon the notes. Maybe I'll weave them in, but the process of transformation doesn't look the same for everybody. But my suggestion is the very first step is to get clear on where you're suffering right now, where your longing is, where your discontent is, and just get it all out. It's almost like we have just bought a piece of property and we're going to build a huge, beautiful mansion for ourselves, but before we build anything, we might have to knock down the shack that's sitting on it.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And you might need to take a look at the shack and be like, actually I don't want to live in a one bedroom, half bathroom piece of termite infested like whatever it is. You understand it's a metaphor. So we have to look closely at what is not working and what we don't like. We're not going to shy away from the darkness. You said the shadow. We're going to look the shadow in the face and we're going to get clear on the ways that we're suffering, struggling, longing, discontent. Get it down. That's the hard part. We're getting that out of the way so it doesn't come back and bug us.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And once we've gotten clear, then we set it to the side. We've done the demolition and we have this beautiful plot of land and now we start the blueprinting process. Just to use the house metaphor, the mansion. And so before you take your ideas to the architect and tell her what kind of mansion you need for her to design, you got to get clear on what kind of mansion or home that you would love to live in. So the core question I'm inviting you to really swallow this and digest it and meditate on it is this what would you love? What would you?

Kena Siu:

love.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And it doesn't matter if we're talking about I tend to specialize in career, business and finances, but we can also talk about your health, your relationships, your travel, world travels, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. But you don't ask your relationships, your travel, world travels, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. But you don't ask your mind, kena. You go straight to your heart and maybe your stomach area, which is the seat of the soul, the solar plexus, and you say what would I love? And then you start to imagine, you start to let those images or those sensations or those feelings come, and then you get a pen I prefer a pen because it's a connection to your body, the channel for the soul and you start writing and you write, and you write, and you write or you picture or whatever, like, whatever it is. Don't let your ego step in and say I don't like writing, like, no, no, no, no. I didn't ask if you like writing. I asked what would you love? And then you let it pour through you. And then can I get a little sexy with you, kena? Of course, go for it. I was just describing this to a client, okay?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And then you ask this really sexy question, okay, I don't know if you've ever been in bed with somebody and it's like really good, they're like really hitting all the spots, and then they look up at you and they're like, oh, you like that, what else, what else? Oh, I love that. So that's the second question, right, and you want that same kind of pleasure-based love, energy, because guess what that does? It amplifies your reach of your soul, which is brings that, it brings it to you like a racehorse to the finish line. So you ask what would I love? And then you make it sexy and you say, what else, what else? I like that and please that, and then this, and by the end of it, you should. When I do this, well, the end of it is like a spiritual orgasm where I'm like, yes, yes, yes, almost like sleepless in Seattle.

Kena Siu:

And when I do this in a coffee shop.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

People are looking at me like I'll have whatever she's having, I bet Okay. So short and sweet of that. My cheeks are blushing. That means it's working. Yes, so we've gotten clear on what we don't want. We've gotten clear not on what we want, but what we would love. Say this for me, what do I want?

Kena Siu:

What do I want? Yeah?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Now say this what would I love?

Kena Siu:

What would I love?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Which one feels better in your soul.

Kena Siu:

Oh, the second one. It feels more exciting.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I feel the tingles in my chest, yeah, it's different, it's perfect, because what do I want? Or what do I want is a very mind confidence-based thing. And then the question begets is like, why don't I have it? And am I not good enough? And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, there's underneath, that is well, I don't have it. So there's scarcity. But when you ask the question from your spirit what would I love? Your spirit tells you. And it's probably not a Lamborghini, maybe it is, I don't know, but it might be just this sense of feeling at home with yourself, no matter where you are what would I love?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

What else? The third thing that happens and this is where it's so important to have a coach, a mentor, a guide, a partner in believing whatever you have access to, because what happens after you've gotten clear on what you would love is your ego rises from the depths and says absolutely not, not happening, Absolutely not.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

She says absolutely not, not happening, absolutely not. And she will start speaking to you in the most sexy and attractive voice. That probably sounds like you. It probably sounds very logical. It might sound like your mom or your dad, who knows. She will speak to you in the way that your mind will listen and she'll say things like you don't have the experience and you don't have the money, and that's never going to happen, it's going to take too long, and what would your family think? And that's not possible. You don't even like social media, like you're not. You have it too, right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu:

Yeah so number one.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

That's good news, because that means you've just started to expand what your heart knows already. But your mind has one job and it's to keep you safe. You're built like that, right? I like to give my mind massage for trying to support me, keep me safe, but I'm going to need you to get on the back. Yes, I'm going to need you to get on the back. I try not to fight her. I try not to resist her, because we know what we resist persists and it just yeah. A whole separate episode on that.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

No just to have the awareness of it. Yes, I'm awake to it, I'm not running, I'm not hiding, I'm not fighting. I'm saying listen, this is my convertible bitch. Get in the back, get in the back. And I just want to attribute that analogy to Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote this beautiful book Big Magic, and the whole first chapter is about fear. Of course we have fear. If we're doing anything big, we have fear. And she's showing up and she's trying to get in the way and you say welcome, I love you, I've been waiting for you, thank you. Now get in the back. You can come in the car but you're not touching the radio in the car. But you're not touching the radio and you're not picking where we stop to eat and you don't even get to roll down the window. But you can come and you're sitting in the back. It's kind of like my five-year-old. You're coming and we're strapping you in, okay, you're not going anywhere, sitting in the back for safety, okay.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So this third phase is learning the tools and techniques to bridge the gap when all of your fears show up and dance naked in your driveway. And then the next step is to take action that feels like your soul is completely alive. It's aligned action, it's not from the mind, it's what feels good, what feels exciting, what is buzzing, what makes me smile and create energy. And yes, maybe it creates fear too, but I can't not take it. And I guide women through this process of soul, aligned spirit, aligned action. And it doesn't come from the mind. We learn how to open ourselves up to the intuitive direction. We source our list from there and we take one baby step at a time towards Mount Olympus. And Mount Olympus looks different for everybody. But even if my original mentor, mary Morrissey, says, even if you just take baby steps, as long as you don't stop, you will reach the top of Mount Olympus. And so it's that end piece of once. We know what we don't and know what we love and know how to navigate fear, know how to access our intuition. Then we take the action.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Most people think it's like well, I'm just going to this girl on the call today. She was like I don't know what, I can't take any action. I feel stuck all the time and in my heart I'm like, yeah, girl, I know, because you don't remember who you are. And if you don't know who you are through this process of transformation, of course you're going to feel like you're stuck because you think it has anything to do with action, and action is the last thing that creates results. It does, but as long as it's founded on this deep belief of now I know who I am and whose I am, and how to navigate this thing called life, then I'm ready to take action. And it's not a year long process, it's something that can happen in a very short time.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And the last part and this is what I love doing with you you and I are doing this together is who we are becoming because of this process. We're becoming women who have podcasts, and it's not about the podcast, right? It's about we remembered that we have a voice and it's important. And by stepping into our own light, we are empowering women to come with us. Don't walk behind me, that's not where the light is. No, come next to me, step in front of me. Let's go into the light together. And I promise you, kana, because we were brave enough, seated in our own understanding of who we are, women are already coming and asking and receiving more than they ever would have had we not come from that place and taken that brave action from a place of. I'm terrified, but I know who I am and I'm doing it anyway all right, give me chills.

Kena Siu:

It gave me chills because, yeah, that's the path. That's the path. What a beautiful journey that is, and it's very powerful oh wow.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

so much I mean, and there are little little tips and strategies that Jamie offers in her book and that I've used in my own. But the truth is is that the first key to cultivating worthiness is to make yourself willing and open to remember who and whose you are, which means, as we talked about on the call and before, there's a need for a spiritual practice, and I'm not shying away from that. Yes, you're going to have to start praying or talking, it doesn't matter Talk to the plant.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

The plant's not growing because you didn't make the plant grow. Talk to the sun, talk to the ocean, talk, call it whatever you want. And then there's this other practice of and then you listen, just like let's walk back over to the wall phone. From seventh grade you picked up the phone, you're talking to your best friend for like 10 hours and you're talking sometimes and she's talking sometimes and if you're talking the whole time, she's not going to want to be your friend. If she talking the whole time, she's not going to want to be your friend. If she's talking the whole time, you're not going to pick up the phone again.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So it's a balance of praying and meditating or speaking and listening, and through that you become an open channel to the voice of your intuition and you feel liberty, just like my five-year-old does, to say whatever you want, whenever you want, to the creator. My five-year-old will say anything that she wants to me or her father, at any time of day or night. She will come in at 3 am and be like I think we should get a new bunny, and it's almost my birthday and I love my teacher and wish I went for school tomorrow. We're like dude, it's 3 am. You got to go back to bed. But listen, god never says dude, you got to go back to bed. God's like.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I'm waiting for you what you got. I'm waiting for you what you got. Give me more, tell it. And then this loving presence that wants you to be quiet and listen and receive all that is yours, this reminder of joy and worthiness and, yes, confidence. Right Again. Like I'm not knocking confidence, I'm just saying you can't build your whole house on this foundation without knowing who you are. And if you're a woman who has tried the root of self-confidence, only you know what I'm talking about. And I was her, I was her.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, I actually yeah, we're still kind of, you know, moving the check away. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just we got to know where we start.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And also, the more worthiness I open myself up to and the more worthiness I receive and remember, the more confident I am and the more willing I am to show up, even when I have no idea about how or when or why or whatever. I'm just like, I know what I would love and I know who I am. And so here we go. Podcast, yes. Coaching practice yes. Investing tens of thousand dollars in guidance and programs and leadership, because it's my dream that came out of this process. Yes, yes, I will. Yes, I will, because why I'm worth it I will. And here's something I can say with assurance that I couldn't before is that I am my best investment.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I'm going to get an ROI on me. I'm always going to win if I invest in me, and so when I'm on calls and they'll say, wow, it's an investment to work with a coach, it absolutely is.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And here's what I also know, especially from my gals who are moms, is that when my daughters ask me for something, 100% of the time I absolutely want to, and most of the time will say yes Horse camp, yes. Tennis lessons yes. Swim team yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But when it came to me and investing in me, I'm like, oh no, I can't, I couldn't, possibly. And what am I showing them when I'm not investing in me?

Kena Siu:

Now you're unworthy.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I'm open to them. I said I invested this number of dollars in a business coach for six months. She's going to help me expand my understanding of business, and I use that language and the specific dollar amount so they know that their mom is investing in herself to create her dreams, because what else is there really? Come on.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

What else is there besides the longing in your heart, the voice of your intuitive guidance, which is your assignment? Everything else is ashes.

Kena Siu:

Is that too much? It's powerful, it's beautiful, and the thing is you are showing them that way. It is because that's the only way they're going to recognize the worthiness in themselves, by showing them, as you said, they might not listen, but they pick up all your behavior to what you are doing, what you are saying, what you are embodying, and that's what they're going to get and that's the power that you are giving them by doing the work you. You are giving them that huge, beautiful gift.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Can I tell one more story? One more story along this, along the lines lines it just came up, I was like, yeah, we have to, we have to tell this, okay. So when I told you about my mom, superstar trailblazer, incredible. She's still amazing, but my mom was very rarely able to show up for things at school, after school stuff, because she was working, which is what was required of her work, and I felt a little angsty about that, especially when I was like, but mom, everybody else's mom is there, or everybody else's whatever? Okay.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So through the recovery process, I was able to work through that and let that go. But I did make a commitment that when my kids have something that I'm invited to, I'm coming, I'm going to be there, and my being there speaks louder than my I can't, because or I want to, but I can't. My presence shows them, through my actions, that you are worthy, you are valuable and of course, I will be there. Where else would I be? Yes, where else would I be? So I will cancel with clients and I will be inconsistent if I need to, because I know who I am and what's important to me. And here's the story. Are you ready for it? Yes, okay, so this my girls take dance and uh that you know they're not quite Simone Biles, but they are getting there. But they take this little community dance and they have a yearly review recital and this year my four-year-old, then four-year-old, my then seven-year-old were doing it.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And we also I live in New Orleans, which is why I say I'm obsessed with all things New Orleans. I also happen to love, and have always loved, festivals and live music. It's just like where I meet God and find God. So I will go to all the festivals. I have loved music. Okay, so I will go to all the festivals I love music. Okay, so we have Jazz Fest two weekends in New Orleans in April and May, and Kena my very favorite band and they've been my favorite band since 1996, is the Dave Matthews Band. I mean, I know every song, I've been to a bunch of shows, I have their T-shirt, like everything Obsessed Dave Matthews Band, dmb, whatever. I'm obsessed with these guys. And so we've got a lot going on.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

The calendar wasn't quite right, so we were like, oh, dave Matthews is coming to New Orleans and we're going to go see him. We got childcare lined up. We like took off, cleared the calendar, we're definitely going. We're going to stay all day. We're going early, we can't. We're going late, so excited, okay. Well, here comes the girl's recital and I'm like I don't have it in the calendar. When is it? You know, when it was right.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Yeah of course it was the same day, okay, but that's not even the story. I thought my kids will definitely understand. If we go, we'll get the recording, we'll see it next year, it's fine, it's going to be fine, we'll go to the recital. So, but I said, let me check with them. This is why you've got to check, okay, with source. And sometimes God speaks through my kids. So I said to my seven-year-old Audrey I said, audrey, would you mind if we just went to the rehearsal and then caught the video of the recital so that mom and dad can go see their very favorite band, dave Matthews Band? And she said absolutely not. This is much more important than that. And I thought you know what? Not only is she right, but I'm so proud that she knows her worth. Yes, and she knows what's important.

Kena Siu:

And she spoke her truth.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And so I won't lie, I was still a little sad that I didn't get to see my Mandy Matthews band, but when I was at that recital I saw God being like, yeah, that's right, remember who you are, remember this gift of these beautiful children and this gorgeous community and this presence of life, surrounded by grandparents and surrounded by support. I'm like I see you, god. I don't even need Dave Matthews man, you're everywhere, you're here. But to know that my seven-year-old was so grounded in what was worthy and valuable and important that she would say absolutely not.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

You know what's the most important Act. On that, I thought well, you know what's the most important Act on that. I thought, wow, well, okay, and that's the difference. I said okay, I'll be there. Plans canceled, important thing work. Everything Cancel Because I know what is worthy. Pretty cool, huh.

Kena Siu:

Very cool, yeah, wow. Well then it's clear that that worthiness that you feel within you are already showing it to them, as they are also embodying. So, wow, respect to that, dana.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

How beautiful is that, lisa? The other smaller thing if you want to start small is something that is emphasized in the community we share with Kathy Heller is to cultivate this deep remembering of your own worthiness. When someone offers you anything a compliment, a coffee, hold the door, let you in traffic the only thing that you need to say is thank you.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Instead of oh that old thing, I got it at Target. Or like that old thing. Or my hair blah, blah, blah, like this rejection, this resistance. Part of you practicing your unworthiness is you simply saying thank you, thank you.

Kena Siu:

Being open to receive, and that's so. It's hard for us, for women, because we are wired to give instead of receiving.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

And you don't have to give them a compliment back and you don't have to earn it.

Kena Siu:

Nope, there's no earning and worthiness, it just is, and your thank you is receiving and remembering and reminding. Beautiful, what a beautiful conversation. Thank you for sharing all those stories. You gave me chills several times.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

It was so wonderful I got them too, I got them too. It's what happens when we hear the truth, I think.

Kena Siu:

Yes, definitely. What? So, closing up this beautiful conversation, what would you call this midlife butterfly stage, where you are at this?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

moment. It's an awakening, kena. It's an awakening. I'm waking up and I don't know about when I fell asleep, but it's an awakening and it's so broad, it's so vast, it's so vast, but there's so much light. As long as I can remain open and say well, this is interesting and this is fun and this is new, and this is like. What is all this sweat at night? I'm like this is interesting. Maybe it's like the hot song I'm going to detox every night. Great, I think there's a metaphor there, right? So we're releasing all of these old negative paradigms and beliefs, and the sweat at night is just a metaphor for letting it go yeah you're definitely releasing.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Oh wow, I would call it an awakening, which is a letting go and a remembering, and you see much more light and beauty and God everywhere you look. But you've got to put the right glasses on, you understand. You've got to decide in advance that you're waking up and that you're going to decide that it's good.

Kena Siu:

Yes, it's a decision. Wow, and what's? A simple pleasure that you enjoy the most.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

I go to the gym at least three days a week.

Kena Siu:

That's not it.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

That's not it. Okay, now I a couple of reasons why I go to the gym. It makes me feel good, it makes me look good, I have friends there, it's part of my routine, but really and truly, between you and me and the girl who works at the front desk, the only reason I can get myself to the gym is because at the end of it there is this aqua massage chair, this hydro massage chair that I spend the last 10 minutes in. So I'm like, if I go to the gym and a workout that I can go, get in the hydro massage chair and meditate, it just feels like a whole army of mermaids is working on me. Army of mermaids, I love that. I want that too. So I leave the gym happy every single time. So it trains my nervous system to want to go to the gym, even when the alarm goes off at 5am and we can't consciously decide where we're going. It's just we've trained ourselves and because it's the mermaids are waiting for you.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

So is the Stairmaster, but that's okay so is the Stairmaster but that's okay, oh wow, yeah, it's great.

Kena Siu:

I mean how we can find things that motivate us to actually do what we got to do, right yeah.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

Mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm. Well, besides, I already told people they can find you at the Girls who Recovered podcast. It's also your brand. Where else can they find you?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

My favorite place to hang out is the podcast. I also am on Facebook and Instagram and if something resonated with you and you feel called forward and you're like, listen, I know that the reason why I haven't done the thing that I know I need to do is because of a misunderstanding around confidence and worthiness. Send me a DM. I would love to connect and support you, because my whole work in the world is helping women do the thing that they've always wanted to do, and most of the time, we're not doing it, not because we can't or we're unskilled or the fear. It's because we've forgotten how worthy we are. Isn't that a cool assignment?

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Much better than a corporate life that I was living before.

Kena Siu:

Oh wow, thank you so much, sister. Such a pleasure for this conversation. It has been wonderful, a lot of insights. I know, I'm sure that this is going to benefit a lot of women listening. And yeah, reach out, we are here for you, dana is here, I am here. Thank you for listening and hope to see you next time.

Dana Hunter Fradella:

Thank you, Kena Much love.

Kena Siu:

I love you too. Thank you for tuning into Midlife Butterfly. If this episode lead a spark in you, hit that subscribe or follow button on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you love to listen, so you'll never miss the magic. If you're feeling generous, drop a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps this empowering content reach more souls ready to transform their lives. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and living in joy, growth and pleasure.

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