Midlife Butterfly: Self-Discovery, Women Empowerment & Life Transitions

28 - From Corporate Burnout to Soul-Led Living: Tracy’s Midlife Reinvention

• Kena Siu • Episode 28

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Hey Beautiful,

If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and asked yourself, “Who am I now?”—this episode will land deep in your heart.

Maybe you’ve left a marriage, a career, or a version of you that no longer fits. Maybe you’ve been the mom, the wife, the powerhouse professional—and now you’re ready to meet the woman beneath all the roles.

In today’s episode, I’m joined by my podcast sister and soul-mirror, Tracy Hill. She’s a former Fortune 500 executive who walked away from the hustle to come home to herself. Together, we dive into the raw and beautiful truth of what it means to unravel, awaken, and reclaim your life in midlife.

This one’s for the woman who’s no longer afraid of her own wings.


🦋 In This Episode, You’ll Hear:

  • The moment Tracy realized she no longer recognized the woman in the mirror—and what she did next
  • What happens when your soul starts screaming louder than your fear
  • The real cost of self-neglect and the power of micro-shifts in daily life
  • Why our identities crumble when we stop chasing titles—and how that collapse can become your breakthrough
  • How beauty, presence, and self-devotion can be your compass home


💖 Soulful Reflection Questions:

  1. What roles or labels have you outgrown, and who are you becoming beneath them?
  2. Where in your life are you seeking external answers that your soul already knows?
  3. What’s one beautiful fix—one small, soulful act—you can gift yourself today, just because you’re worth it?


Connect with Tracy:


And don’t forget, beautiful—you were never broken. You’ve just been unfolding. One butterfly wing at a time.


CLARITY: For the woman who feels lost and is ready to come HOME to herself.

Join me from July 22-24, 3 pm ET.

Sign Up Now: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/clarity

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You can find all the podcast details right here: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast

Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise

Follow Kena on Instagram: @midlifebutterfly

Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly

For Coaching, Courses & More Visit Kena's Website: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/workwithme

Request a Free Empowered Call with Kena if you're interested in working with her: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/empoweredsession


Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Kena Siu:

Let's talk about midlife transitions today from motherhood to corporate America, to an empty nester to entrepreneurship. Welcome back to Midlife Butterfly podcast. I'm your host, Kena Siu, and today I have one of my dear podcast sisters, Tracy Hill, who will share her story about navigating her midlife transitions. And if this resonates with you well, loss, reinvasion moves with a burning desire for freedom, joy and solid living. She feels the pull to rise, to fly. She's no longer afraid of her own wings.

Kena Siu:

Tracy Hill is a former Fortune 500 marketing executive, turned into a self-discovery guide, podcast host and the voice behind a beautiful fix. After burning out in a career that no longer felt like hers, she hit pause on the hustle and took a bold leap into the unknown. She now helps midlife women stop going through the motions and start reconnecting with what truly lights them up. Through her podcast, human design sessions and transformational retreats, tracy is on a mission to prove that your next chapter can be your best one, and it starts by remembering who you were before. The world told you who to be. Welcome back, sister. Such a pleasure to have you back in midlife butterfly.

Tracy Hill:

Thank you. Thank you, it is such a pleasure to be here. I've really been looking forward to this. I was listening to your podcast earlier, which I absolutely love. Thank you, I'm just so happy to be able to be here with you.

Kena Siu:

I'm so glad to have you back and have you this time to speak your truth, your story about how have you navigated midlife transitions.

Tracy Hill:

So it has been. You know I'm trying to coin the term midlife curiosity. I think that's one of the best ways to explain my journey, because I thought I always knew who I was Like. When I was in my 20s teens, I kind of knew exactly who Tracy was. I was chasing my dreams, I was doing what I thought I should be doing and I loved it. And something happened around my 30s where I just started to become I didn't. I started to not recognize myself of who I thought I was In my 30s. That's when I started my family. I got married at 26. I had my first son at 30, my second at 32, my third at 34, my fourth at 36.

Tracy Hill:

So my 30s was just motherhood. And it's like it's the way I do everything, kenna. It's just all or nothing. It's all or nothing. I can never do things just, you know, half. So I just went from the world being about me to being someone's wife, to being in corporate America, to suddenly being a mother four times within six years. It was insane. My boys three of the four had health issues. They had life threatening allergies, they had asthma. So my whole world, the way I thought I knew it, was turned upside down. Suddenly, something like food. Food could be a weapon. So you're already tired and exhausted as a mom and now, three times a day, I had to think about what I was going to give my children. Really think about it. Read all the I never read labels. So that started to change me.

Tracy Hill:

And at work I started to realize the things that I was chasing. It didn't really do it for me anymore. Suddenly the titles didn't mean as much Going for that next promotion that I was always thinking about what's next. Looking at the office I want it to be and all of a sudden it was like I don't know if I want to do that because that's going to require traveling. And I started realizing my God, I'm changing. And I didn't love it. I didn't embrace the change. I didn't like where it was going. I was Miss Corporate America. I wanted to be a businesswoman. I wanted to be a vice president of somebody's company. These are my dreams. And I started to get a little sad as I was getting pulled from it. And it just continued, kenna, it just continued.

Tracy Hill:

I stayed home for four years with my sons. Once I had my third, my husband and I were like it's getting expensive to have them in daycare. Someone needs to stay home. I was looking at him. He was looking at me. I ended up being the one to stay home. I was with them for four years and I completely changed.

Tracy Hill:

At that point I thought my career is done. I don't even know what's going on in the world of marketing anymore. Marketing moves fast. It went from print to digital and I thought I was done, I'm going to be their mom. And then I started to embrace motherhood and I really got into it.

Tracy Hill:

Then, 2008, 2009 hit carpet was ripped from under us. I had to go back to work. So suddenly I'm 40 years old now. I'm back in corporate America, where I thought I was kind of done. I no longer recognize myself that confident 20-year-old. She wasn't there anymore. I just wanted to be home with my sons and I just really struggled, struggled, struggled and I kept thinking I know I can get back. I know I can get back too. I would have loved this career in my 20s, maybe even my 30s, and I just kept struggling and finally I got to the point, 10 years later, where I was like I don't have the answers, I don't know what's next. But I know it's not this and I made a leap. That was a lot, sorry, that was a lot.

Kena Siu:

It's okay. It's okay, we're going to get into the pieces of it, okay. Okay, so now you know our listeners, they know how. You know how the transition went, and then so we can go you know, little by little. Okay, so you said that you were not embracing the change at one point. So this was when you moved from corporate America to motherhood. Was it one of the biggest struggles in there?

Tracy Hill:

Yes, because I always wanted a family. I always wanted children, but they were going to be a part of my world. They were going to fit in nicely to Tracy's whole world. And now she's a mom and she's got these four kids. But I had this whole other life and I never wanted to be just a stay-at-home mom.

Tracy Hill:

I wanted the career, I wanted it all, and when I left my career and I was at home with them, I didn't know who I was. When I met people, I couldn't answer the question what do you do? I didn't have a business card to hand. This was back in the days of business cards. I didn't have a business card to hand to anyone and all of my labels were stripped and it became mom and instead of me embracing that and realizing that was such a gift, I didn't realize how much of a gift it was until I was being thrown back into corporate America.

Tracy Hill:

So I spent a lot of those years with them longing for this life that I once had, instead of being present and right there with them and realizing this is the gift being home with them. This is really this beautiful thing. But I'm over here watching my husband leave to go to work with his tie and I'm getting ready to fix you know lunch again. Yeah, and I just wasted those years. And then when I went back to corporate America, then I was in corporate America and I was longing for the years that I was home with my children. I just that's why being present, being in the now, is so important.

Kena Siu:

Yes, yeah, that's, yeah, that's the key to enjoy life, and not just, you know, and not being in that survival mode or in that anxious mode of thinking, yeah, what's going to happen in a future, right?

Tracy Hill:

Or what happened in the past. You're always looking either you know, instead of being right here.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, yeah, that's true. What happened? Well, the thing, I feel it, that I perceive it when you were talking about that, you were not able to handle any more business cards because you didn't know who you were. It seems like, well, I guess we have been programmed this way, right, like to do the things, to follow the checklist, and at one point, when you are like, yeah, but you labeled your success as you said, in all these labels like having the job, the position and you travel a lot and all that, so then it was taken away, so your identity really, it was crumbling.

Tracy Hill:

That's what I imagine it was crumbling because all that was left was me. It was me and for me I felt like, well, that's not very interesting and that's not anything to talk about at dinner parties. And me Like, no, I need the job. I need to tell them about where I'm going next week and what I just finished working on. So, yes, it's complete programming. And when you strip that programming from you and you're left just sitting with yourself, for me it was a challenge.

Kena Siu:

What were some of the things that you actually faced in there?

Tracy Hill:

faced in there. I just had to. You know, when you're alone with yourself in a room and you've been living a life of labels and I wouldn't say that I wasn't authentic, I was just Tracy. This was corporate America, tracy. It wasn't like I was showing up, you know, I wouldn't go as far as to say I wasn't being authentic.

Tracy Hill:

But when you're just stripped down to just you, you really have to one of two things you either have to get comfortable with it and find self-love, or you're going to spiral and feel like you've got to fill your life back up with all the things. You've got to go shopping or cut your hair or start working out or something to change, if you cannot just sit raw with who you really are. So I had to do a lot of work. It was like almost having a mirror shine on me every single day of Tracy this is who you really are. What do you think? Yes, now that all that stuff is gone and it's just you, what do you think? Do you like her? Is she okay? Do you need to do you know?

Kena Siu:

Oh my God. Yeah, I give me chills just to think of that, because that's true. We tend to hide, as you said, going shopping or going partying all the time, or being with people around us, or binging Netflix, binging food, trying to really numb ourselves, or keeping ourselves busy in a way in quotes. Right, because we are afraid to see what's really in that mirror. We are afraid to see ourselves for the first time in the eyes and say what the hell I am.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, who is this person? Yes, and it was even wardrobe, Like I would walk in my closet and I had my wall lined with my corporate clothes and then I had it's like but I don't go there anymore, Like that's not even me anymore. I need something to throw on to go wipe up.

Tracy Hill:

You know, my kids spit or you know whatever it's like even my wardrobe was like I don't just everything, it was like my whole world was just, you know, turned upside down. But I will just say, really quickly, hearing myself say all of this, it really wasn't turned upside down, it was just really exposed. It was just real kind of, for the first time, it was just me having to sit in the reality of my world and not try to layer it with getting dressed in the morning with my corporate clothes. You know what I'm saying. It was just. This is the first time I've really ever thought of it like that. It was just me having to sit without all the labels and all the stuff and all the things that I would go to to make me into who I thought Tracy was, if that makes any sense, yes, yeah it does.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, I can relate to the wardrobe too, because when, yeah, because I mean you have all this clothing you know to go, you know casual clothing to go, well dressed up to the office and everything, and then suddenly it's like, well, for me it was like staying at home on my own. I was like, yeah, but I don't want to wear those. And then I have all these you know, like sports clothing. So it was like, okay, I really want something like in between. And then, as we are shifting our identity, it's also like, okay, so what do I want? How do I want to dress? Now?

Tracy Hill:

It's also that question because our the way we dress is also part of our identity. That's right. Yeah, that's right. It's almost like a little bit of a costume. So it's all of a sudden, if you're at home and you don't have this place, that's telling you the costume to wear and you can really wear anything. What do you wear? Do you wear the sweats that are super comfortable? That to wear, and you can really wear anything. What do you wear? Do you wear the sweats that are super comfortable? Do you stay in your pajamas all day, or do you still take time to get yourself dressed so that you feel good just for yourself? I mean, there's all of those questions to answer. Is it workout gear? So it's an interesting exercise to step through.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, One of the things that I've noticed lately. Like I'm getting ready to come to work, I mean it's a few meters, you know, from my bedroom to here, to this office and I put perfume, and I'm doing it just for myself. It's like why do I have to put perfume every time I go out? I'm doing it for myself, I want to feel good, you know, and it makes a difference. Something that simple.

Tracy Hill:

It makes it.

Tracy Hill:

I have perfume on, I put it on this morning I'm sitting behind a camera no one, but yes, I wanted to do it for myself. So one of the things that I'm doing is I'm the person who something is special. If there's strawberries in the refrigerator, I'll have one or two and let me put the rest away for something special, and then the fruit ends up going bad. Or I, the other day, got this body oil. I went to this wonderful event for midlife women and they had this amazing gift bag filled with product and one of them was this beautiful, just like body oil. It was in this beautiful packaging and when I first saw it I thought, oh, that is beautiful, I'm just going to put that on my shelf. And when I go out and I thought, no, I ripped it open and I'm like I'm putting the body oil to walk downstairs to my kitchen, like I'm done with the.

Tracy Hill:

This is only for something special. I'm special. This day is special. Every day is special. Yes, every day special. Stop waiting to wear the pearls and the. You know, yes, wear it for you.

Kena Siu:

I so agree, yes, yeah, and I think it has to. It's important for women to do that shift, to start doing it for ourselves and not for others, because it just changed the dynamic of how you present yourself, even if, at this moment, we're in front of camera.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, Well, I used to pride myself on being low maintenance. That's something I would probably say.

Kena Siu:

I'm very low maintenance A lot of women.

Tracy Hill:

They go to the salon once a week. I'm always like I'm very, very Now. I'm like that's not something to be proud about. Taking care of yourself, prioritizing yourself, doing nice things for yourself, it's not selfish, it is a priority. It should be prioritized because when you fill yourself up, you then can fill other people's lives from a place of fullness. I would always do, do, do, do, do, do. Do. Wear myself down, not do anything. For me. That's not a great place to mother from or to show up to work. That's why I burned out. If I had spent those years prioritizing myself and allowing myself to go on retreats or maybe go for massage every once in a while or to put that body oil on every day when I went into work, I honestly don't think I would have burned out. I know I would have been a better mom, so we have to get. Have burned out. I know I would have been a better mom, so we have to get.

Tracy Hill:

Last thing, I saw something. I think it was a couple of Mother's Days ago. A couple of years ago, for Mother's Day, a news station was celebrating the best mom. You could write in and nominate the best mom, and so I caught I don't like the news, but I caught it and they were celebrating this mom. I thought that's wonderful and the way the person who submitted the nomination described her was she is the most selfless person. She puts everybody else's needs first. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I stopped and thought we have to stop doing this. We have to stop saying that to be the best mom, you're last on the list. Everybody else's needs are the most important. She does not even think of herself. Like it's beautiful. I'm sure this was a beautiful mom and that's wonderful. But why do we set motherhood up that way? Yeah, it should be the opposite. To be a good mom, you take care of yourself. It's like putting the oxygen mask on.

Tracy Hill:

You have your cup overflow and that overflow is where you do for others.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, because then you give from a place, as you said, overflow of abundance and love. Otherwise, if you have your empty cup, you give from lack and what it builds up Resentment, yes, and then that resentment that we created ourselves, we are the creators of that, it's like wow, and the person feels that resentment.

Tracy Hill:

If I've worn myself down, I haven't slept for two days, I haven't taken a shower, I am miserable. I haven't eaten well, and then I'm cooking your food. I haven't eaten well and then I'm cooking your food. That's not going to be the same meal as someone who is coming from a place of well rested and just finished doing yoga. You know, yes, of course You're not helping anyone. So this low maintenance stuff, I'm done with that.

Kena Siu:

Oh yes, love it, love it, love it. I want to come back to when you were facing yourself in the mirror. Yes, like what were your thoughts? What was your inner critic saying? What was your soul also saying in there? Was there fear, like what happened in?

Tracy Hill:

there, oh, kenna, my relationship with fear. Fear has been there. You know, when I was a little girl I don't remember fear being a part of my life. But pretty much from the time that I probably started school and I started being around other people, fear started showing up. But in my adult years I didn't recognize it as fear, but it was absolutely ruling my life.

Tracy Hill:

My life was so fear-based and I got to the point where I really couldn't even look myself in the mirror, if I'm being honest, like I would look long enough to brush my teeth and make sure I'm not getting toothpaste all over my shirt, like that kind of look I would do. But I didn't look at myself because I just didn't. First, I didn't recognize her Physically. I didn't recognize her. I didn't recognize my thoughts. I was really hard on myself because I was mad at myself, because I've always known who I am. So in human design I won't go deep into it, but it's an energetic blueprint of your soul and I have a defined what they call G center. It just means I have consistent access to. It's like your own GPS and mine is defined. I always know who I am. I am the same person if I'm around you or if I'm around this person or that person, I'm still Tracy. Good or bad, I'm still me. I'm not someone who kind of like a chameleon who can, kind of I'm going to show up as myself.

Tracy Hill:

So I've always known who I am and I know what I want, and all of a sudden I'm this person that has no answers. I don't know what I want. I don't even know what I love. I can't answer any questions about what are you passionate about? What do you love to do? All of that? I can't even answer that. I don't know what's next. I don't know how to fix anything. I was just disgusted with myself. I was so over myself. I was just over. I was ready to get the answers again. I've always had the answers and I didn't. So I was just not very happy with myself. I was driving my husband crazy. Every conversation with me was me complaining, whining, asking him what do you think I should do? What do you think I'm good at?

Kena Siu:

Like it was, you know it was so the thing is, I don't understand why and I think this is not only for women, it's also for men that we supposed to have everything figured out all the time and life doesn't work like that. No, and we put too much pressure because then, as you said, if we go to see some friends or we have a conversation with people, and then we're not able to answer those questions Like what's your mission, what are you doing, and we are like I don't know, I don't know. We feel embarrassed and why not say I mean, why not say when people are between works, it's like I'm between lives, or I don't know what terminology can we use in there?

Tracy Hill:

Well, I think that's exactly right. I think that comes from self-worth. I think if you have, you know who you are, you have strong self-worth, you know that you are enough, you know that you're just figuring this thing out. I think you can answer that question with like, I don't know, I'm figuring it out, and it can feel good, but I think when you're in a place of lack, where you feel like you have to have this identity, you have to be able to answer that question with surety I'm a grown woman, I should at this point be an expert at everything Then I think that's where it is challenging. I think it's a beautiful place when you can say I don't know, I don't know what's next, but I'm here for whatever. I'm just in the present moment and whatever tomorrow holds. I think that's much, much healthier.

Tracy Hill:

We do this to our children. When they are 18 years old, they're supposed to know exactly what they want to do. It's ridiculous. When you go to college, choose your major. What do you want to do? It's insanity. I feel like you shouldn't be able to choose your major until you're a senior. I mean, let college be this exploration. Or even if you don't go to college, let life after high school be an exploration. We need to stop with this. We know everything, we have it all figured out. We've got to get back to curiosity and the unknown and following breadcrumbs, I don't know. So, yes, that's why I was, I think, just in a really rough place. I didn't enjoy not having the answers. Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

And what happened through it that then you start getting those answers.

Tracy Hill:

So when I was in my corporate role, every day I was looking for the answers. I would go to work and I would come home and I would search, I would search job.

Kena Siu:

That was before motherhood or after? No, no, no, so this was after. This was my last.

Tracy Hill:

This was after I had to go back to work. After being home with my sons, I found myself back at work at 40. This was that whole. For 10 years I stayed in this particular role.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, so in the case, before we move forward, I would like to see how was your experience. Before we move forward, I would like to see how was your experience I mean, I'm not a mom, but how was your experience of shifting your then identity from corporate America to a motherhood and then, which has been, I don't know, probably the main lessons?

Tracy Hill:

that you have learned during that 10 years, have learned during that 10 years. So you mean, how was it going from being in corporate America to starting to starting my family? Like what was that shift like? So that was the beginning of, I think, the change with me, because when I, before I, had my children, I, I'm telling you I was as ambitious as they came. I am a Capricorn, true and true for those that follow astrology I was just all about. I loved working. I'm a generator in human design. I could just go, go, go, go, go, go, go go.

Tracy Hill:

Once I had my first child, my son, and I left for maternity leave. I was a little terrified of motherhood because this was unknown to me. I didn't have younger siblings. I've only had to take care of animals, my cats and my dogs. Suddenly, I had to take care of this life growing in me for nine months and when I delivered Maxwell, my oldest son, I was so proud of myself. I did it, I did it, I saw it through. Oh my God, thank you. I felt like my part was done. I literally thought the nurse was going to congratulate me, pat me on my back, take the little baby, put me in my own room and just let me sleep. That's what I thought was going to happen. That's not what happened. They cleaned off Maxwell, gave him right back to me. Let's start with the breastfeeding. Just I'm like wait. And it hit me. Oh my gosh, my life is never going to go back to being all about me Like it's good I have to. So motherhood was a big wake up call for me to be responsible for another human being.

Tracy Hill:

Then my maternity leave it was just Maxwell and I. It was just us. I was afraid of motherhood a little bit. Can I do it? All the fears, but you have to just jump in and slowly over my three-month maternity leave I became Maxwell's mom. I really got to know him. We spent every moment together. I knew everything about him. I felt very confident. I knew how to hold him and swaddle him, the whole thing.

Tracy Hill:

And then, when it was time to go back to work, I was torn. That was the first one I knew. I wanted to go back to work, but I kind of didn't. And when I had to leave him at childcare I bawled my eyes. The women at daycare was like what's happening? It was like they were ripping my child on my arms for life. I did not expect that, and when I got to work I realized something is different. I wasn't, and I've never been able to really go back. I was able to figure it out, but with each child it just pulled me further and further and further away from my career, further and further and further away from my career. So, yeah, that's. I think they were the beginning of me, you know, getting kind of off the path that I thought I was going to.

Kena Siu:

I was supposed to be on. Yeah, Wow, I can. I can imagine how each of them has moved you towards more of bringing you more to yourself because I know well again, I'm not a mom but our relationships and I believe that children, more than enough just to see like, oh my God, like I would like them to do this, or reflecting it back to us at all times and, at the same time, like it's their life. I need to allow them.

Tracy Hill:

I have learned more from my children than probably any other life lesson. Once I realized someone told me or I read in a book or heard a quote that our children are here to teach us, versus the other way around. First I was like wait what? And then I thought, oh my God, that is so true. If you are open to receiving the lessons that they are here to bring, it is probably the most powerful thing, because they are a mirror for you. It is probably the most powerful thing because they are a mirror for you. They tap into a lot of your inner fears.

Tracy Hill:

They, especially this generation they question everything. They ask why for everything. And if you're being honest, sometimes you have to stop and be like I don't know why, like we've just always done it this way. But this generation's like okay and Well, that's stupid, I'm not going to do it that way. But this generation's like okay and Well, that's stupid, I'm not going to do it that way. And I kind of look at them like, wow, that's good, that's good, we just kind of followed. You just do this and you do that and you do this. They're the generation of saying I don't know why, questioning, questioning, and if you are confident enough in yourself to not be offended by that and not say, well, just do it, because I said, but to really sit and think about it, there's some powerful things. It really made me question a lot of what I do. We do so much unintentionally. There's not a lot of intention in what we do, we just follow. We just follow the programming you know. So, yes, they have been my biggest life lessons, for sure.

Kena Siu:

Wow, and I want to congratulate you for that, for allowing them to teach you, because, unfortunately, there are parents that they are like oh no, but you want them to study certain things or whatever, because the parents are the ones who didn't actually, you know, being able to materialize their dreams and they want their children to do it, which, no, it's a different human being.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, and also it's kind of scary when someone questions why are you doing something. It shines a big spotlight on your own life, like, oh my gosh, have I just been following and not thinking for myself, you know? So it's very easy to get in your feelings about it. But I think what helped me was my father.

Tracy Hill:

When I was a little girl, he would, when I would come home from school, he would say what did you learn today? And I would tell him and he would just say that's awesome, that's amazing. And he said he wanted to do that because when he was a little boy, he would learn something new and he would try to tell his elders and they're like oh, you can't tell me anything, I'm a grown man. They would shut him down. You are a little child, there's nothing you can tell me. I'm an adult, therefore I know more than you. And he was like I don't. I never want it to be like that. I always want it to learn. And so when I had children, I could hear his voice and I thought, tracy, don't be the know-it-all, what can you learn from them? Let them teach you. So I think that helped me.

Kena Siu:

Yes, definitely, you had a very good guidance in there. Yeah, beautiful, okay, so now let's move on, when you actually needed to leave motherhood. Well, stay home, mom to go back to work. Yes, how was that?

Tracy Hill:

That was brutal. That was brutal. I literally did not think I would ever return to my former career because I had these four small children and I knew how stressful it can be and just how time-consuming and how your whole world can get wrapped up and I thought, no, I'm a mom of four, I can't do that. But that's exactly where I ended up. That was where all my experience was, and from the time that I entered and I say this all the time it was not the job, it was not the company, it was absolutely me. It was a wonderful company great managers, great colleagues, coworkers, everything it was just I was kind of broken walking through their front door. I did not feel confident. I had imposter syndrome. I felt like I've been at home watching SpongeBob for four years with my sons. I don't know why I'm here, I don't even you know, but I had to. I had to show up every day. I my family desperately needed me to do it. So I did not have a great mentality, unfortunately, the entire time I was constantly looking for how can I go back to, you know, being home with my sons. So that's not a good place Again. You need to be in the now If I had accepted and been more present, I think it wouldn't have been quite as stressful, but I was constantly. I'm always trying to get back or go forward, so it was really challenging for me.

Tracy Hill:

But I stayed there 10 years and it was a wonderful experience. I grew so much in those 10 years. I did things that I did not think I was capable of. If I didn't have to work and I could have just said I'm done with this, I would have easily gone home and just taken the easy route. But I had to stay and it showed me how much I really can do, how strong I can be, how brave I can be and how much more I can do than what my mind was telling me I could do. So it was a really good thing for me to go through, but I got to the point at the end where I could no longer fake it.

Tracy Hill:

I thought I was faking it for 10 years. I thought I was showing up the way they needed me to show up, but towards the end all that was crumbling down and I just couldn't pretend anymore. So I didn't have the answers. I wanted to have the plan and the answers before I jumped. I did not. But I told my husband I have to just try. I don't know, I cannot keep going. To just try, I don't know, I cannot keep going. And so I made the leap without knowing what was next, which was terrifying. But all of the answers showed up after I made the leap, and that's something that I love for people to hear, because so often we want the answers before we leap. We want to know the clarity and have everything in the plan, which is wonderful if you can do that I'm not trying to If you can do that first, great. But for me, none of the things would have appeared if I did not take the action first.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, yeah. I think it's when, as you said, when we take the leap is when we finally said to the universe I'm done with this, this is enough and I want something else. And then I start just delivering right, absolutely, and, as you said, it's action really was going to give us that clarity that we need. Yes, it's always action we need.

Kena Siu:

Yes, what do you think? Yeah, what do you think it was causing that crumbling Like for you, that, that itching. It was kind of like a I don't know knocking on the door or what to start. What do you start flowing through your heart or into your mind?

Tracy Hill:

Yeah, when I was going through it, I I self-diagnosed myself as having a nervous breakdown. My life had become so fear-based I was just. Fear was my motivation for everything. Everything that I did was out of fear. I have to do this, I have to do this, I have to do this. And so I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.

Tracy Hill:

But now, looking back on it, it's I think Oprah said it first that the universe will send you. You know a whisper, you know a tap, and it just keeps getting louder and louder and pretty soon it's a brick. Sometimes it may be a form of illness. I just think it was literally my world shaking me out of the tree, just kicking me out of the nest, like she's clearly not going to do this on her own. We are going to collapse everything until she makes a move. I was not where I was supposed to be and I needed to make a change. I really believe that.

Tracy Hill:

I just think here's a horrible analogy. So my cat just jumped up a few minutes ago. It's kind of like if you have a cat and you have a litter box, you have a litter box. It's a good system. You can put the litter in the hair, the cat goes in there and does its stuff, covers it up with the litter, that will work. The covering up will work for a while, but if you don't take care of that litter box, after a while it's going to get to the point where you're going to notice it. You're going to have to. Horrible analogy, but I kind of feel like that's what happened in my life. I kept just trying to cover things up and it got to the point where the screaming was so loud that I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate, I just couldn't do all the things that I had done to keep me there for 10 years.

Kena Siu:

Wow. So your soul was really screaming like get out of here. We need to do something different.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, do something different, yes, or you know. But whatever you do, you can't just continue. This is going to fall apart one way or the other. You can take the reins or you can let other people, but it's not going to be able to continue this way.

Kena Siu:

Wow, I think it's so important to listen to that whisper, or, if not, I mean, as you said, we get to listen to the scream, listen to the to the scream. Either it's a very loud voice or is our body causing us pain somewhere.

Tracy Hill:

That is telling us, you need to move from here.

Kena Siu:

Yes, and many times you're so stubborn like no, no, but this is because we're in a comfort zone, right, and then we feel that the unsafety like how am I gonna leave my job? But if I have financial, you financial stability, and then I have all these benefits and the money still is good for the family, we think that we have to stay there, we must stay there and we don't want to listen until something very crucial happens. Don't want to listen until something very crucial happens. Unfortunately, humans, we are like that. We get to be pushed out, you know, like the eagles kicking out the kids so they can fly.

Tracy Hill:

Otherwise we don't fly. It's so. And here's the thing I don't. You don't have to wait to get to that point. And I don't even think that I needed to leave my job. I don't think it was the fact that, oh, my job is this and I have to go do that. I needed to stop. I needed to wake up inside, Like we talked about in the beginning.

Tracy Hill:

If I had done the self-love, the self-care if I had, I would show up for work and I made my whole world work. My job was not asking me to make my whole world work. I did that. If I had left and gone to yoga or taken a course or had a hobby on the side or said I'm going to take off this week to go on a retreat, or if I had filled my life with these things, I don't know if I would have gotten to that point.

Tracy Hill:

So that's why I keep saying it's not necessarily the job, it was me, it was self-neglect, it was just going through the motions, not being present. It was so many things that I was doing wrong, Telling myself that I shouldn't even be here, I don't belong here. All the things, the negative self talk. If I could have gone back and just been more loving to myself. I think I would have had a completely different journey. Instead, I made it all about I'm working and that's it. That's it. I'm working. I couldn't possibly go do this. I couldn't do that. I'll take yoga next. Let me push that off, and I just broke so.

Kena Siu:

Thank you for sharing that because I mean, yeah, like self-care, it has to be a priority, definitely, but, as you said, that self-neglection in it can burn us up. We cannot handle life if we don't nurture ourselves, if we don't listen to ourselves, we can't. We need that nurturing, we need that guidance to keep going. Otherwise, I think it's when really what we call the midlife crisis that is no, it's an awakening.

Tracy Hill:

It's like, hey, hello, you've been there for how many decades it's time to move.

Kena Siu:

It's like start listening to your heart, to your soul, what are they telling you? And start moving towards that direction. And the more we start doing, practices, while in that transition to move to something else, that transition is going to be easier and it's not going to be that abrupt and that kind of like feeling such a big disconnection and getting numbed and stuff and saying like being lost literally, like I don't know who I am really and I don't know who to take care of myself and where do I go from here exactly so anyone who's listening to us, please take care of yourself.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, prioritize yourself. That's the moral of the story yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kena Siu:

Self-care for me really, uh, it changed my life because when I, when I separated, uh I, I thought, yeah, I love myself, you know, and so one of the things that I prioritized it. And then, thanks to COVID as well, I'm very grateful for that season that. I know it was very tough for a lot of people, but for me was a blessing because I was able to spend time on my own and it's when I really took it and I said, okay, they are calling us back home, so I'm gonna go back home, and that home I finally found it. That is within me, it's in my heart, is where my soul lives. But the only way to get there is by taking care of myself and the more self-care.

Kena Siu:

And the thing is, I don't know why we make self-care so complicated, but at the end, self-care is habits. It's like what habits do you have that is going to benefit you? That's what self-care is. It's like what kind of cream of oil are you putting in your body? How are you hydrating yourself? What kind of foods are you putting in? What kind of information are you consuming? Right, it's all those little things that are habits that we have, that are really how we can take care of ourselves, and the more we do it and the more we're going to then start loving ourselves.

Kena Siu:

It's like a friend. When we meet someone, it's like, okay, what are you interested in, what would you like to do? And you start, you know, interacting with the person. It's doing that same thing in our head and talking to ourselves and saying, okay, I would not talk to my best friend, harsh or very judgmental. How can I speak to her differently? Right, changing that vocabulary, and start saying, okay, how can I speak to her differently, right, changing that vocabulary, and start saying, okay, what do I want to do for myself today? How do I want to pamper myself? And that's how we get to know ourselves too by trial and error, like saying, okay, I tried this one, no, I didn't like it, so let's go for something else. And that's how we nurture any other relationship. That's how we get to nurture ourselves, and the more we do it, the more love we're going to gain.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, yes, I love that and it's being very intentional. You mentioned the habits. It's being very intentional and mindful with the habits Because sometimes we do things, we get up and we go through our you know self-care brushing our teeth, washing our face, whatever but it's just so like we've just always done it this way. But when you get to the point where you're very mindful with why are you doing the things you're doing? Why are you choosing what kind of toothpaste, you know what kind of cream? Are you going to go for the expensive body oil? It's every little moment being very just, observing what you do. Why are you doing it? Is that in your best interest? Even the foods that you put in?

Tracy Hill:

I have the biggest sweet tooth. But when I'm really being mindful, I'm thinking, tracy, you just worked out earlier today You've done all these beautiful things for yourself. Do you really want that pint of Ben and Jerry's? The answer is always yes, but at least I've paused and I've recognized the disconnect and maybe I don't eat the whole pint, maybe I just eat half. So, yes, I agree, it's these habits and it's thinking and it's prioritization and feeling good about it. That's the other thing Not feeling the guilt, because I tend to feel guilty. When I go get the massage, I feel like I have to justify it. Or I buy the toothpaste that is $2 more than that one. You know, I I feel a little bit not anymore. Not anymore, there's a reason. And that $2 extra that I spent, if it's going to make me feel happy and feel good, then my husband's day is going to go better, and my children are. You know, it's beautiful how it works.

Kena Siu:

So yeah, and it's simple things like that. As you said, just paying those two dollars, you know, if you know how the toothpaste is going to last, you like, at the end, how many cents per day is. Yeah, it's simple things like that that can make the difference to our day.

Tracy Hill:

Yeah, I have found that the answers are always simple. They're not necessarily easy to do. It's the simple things. It's the simple things that we overlook because we're looking for the big thing In order for my life to change.

Tracy Hill:

I have to change my job, I have to quit my job, I have to divorce my husband, I have to move states, I have to do something major. Most of the times I call them micro shifts. It's these little little decisions, little, they're always free, they're always available to us, but they're so simple that sometimes they can be overlooked. You know, I didn't pay a thousand dollars for this course to tell me it's just filling gratitude, what Like that. You know, but that's where the power lies, in those simple things, yeah.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, and it's the mundane, really, what makes the difference at the end? Because, as you said, we're chasing those big moments, yes and yeah, but when we got it, it's like we are in it. We celebrate one minute and then we are like what's next? So what's the point? The point is really enjoy the journey to get there.

Tracy Hill:

Right the journey, those small, mundane, often overlooked choices that we make throughout our day. That's the magic. Yeah, that's the magic. Yeah, that's it.

Kena Siu:

That's the magic, because I mean, those moments had to do a lot with our dear ones, and then what happened, when they are not there anymore, is when we actually notice them. So it's about noticing them, since now, things that we get bored or we get pissed or triggered, it's like okay, it's there, I can feel it and I accept it.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, yes, yes, can I? Yes, that's exactly why I started A Beautiful Fix. Because so A Beautiful Fix the word fix is literally meant like a fix, like someone who's a drug addict. It's about getting high on life. Though it's a beautiful fix, it's let's get high on life, because life is so beautiful, but you have to notice it, you have to look for it a little bit, you have to explore it, you have to see it. When it's right in front of you, you have to. And so that's why I started Beautiful Fix, because when I was in that place, those years of just my life being unrecognizable, the way that I started to come back to myself was I would ask myself well, tracy, what do you find, what are you passionate about? And I didn't have this great answer, but I would tell my husband whatever it is, there's this thread of beauty. And I don't mean physical beauty, like makeup beauty. I mean like I love going to beautiful places, traveling to beautiful countries.

Tracy Hill:

I love staying in beautiful hotels, I love seeing a sunrise, I love looking out in my backyard and seeing a deer. I love having a beautiful conversation like the one we're having now. I love music. Music can move're having now. I love music. Music can move me so deeply I can cry. I can't sing a note, so to hear someone who has a voice like an Adele, I can't handle it. It's overwhelming. So I would start realizing I love beautiful things and it would shift instantly. Beautiful things are high vibrational. It would shift my mood. I could go and sit on my deck and see a gorgeous bird for the first time and feel better. And so I would start going on these beautiful fixes, looking for my fix of beauty to feel better.

Tracy Hill:

And that's when I said I want to start this company that shines a spotlight, because we forget how beautiful this world is, and I mean everybody's world. You cannot convince me that you could not look right now in your room, in your environment, wherever you are, you could be in your car and not find something that's beautiful. It's not possible. You might think, oh well, I don't have the latest Birkin bag I think that's what they're called. But no, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about I got to the point of having, because it's also gratitude, it's a gratitude practice seeing beautiful things and feeling gratitude for it. I started to heal and come back to myself when my gratitude practice got to the point of not I'm happy that I got that promotion, not I'm happy that I just bought a brand new car. Not that kind of gratitude. That's good too.

Tracy Hill:

My gratitude practice got to the point of I can wake up in the morning and walk a few steps and go to my bathroom, my own bathroom. I don't have to share it with another family or you know. I recognize that is a gift. Not everyone even has that. And then I would go to the sink and wash my hands and turn the sink on and there's running water. When I got to that level of gratitude, my world started to open up. Yes, because I couldn't see those things before. I would just take it for granted, I would just go through the day and just rush through all of that. But once I realized, oh my gosh, because when you can feel that level of gratitude there, then you start to notice all the things that you can be grateful for, all the blessings that you have, how full your life really is, exactly the way it is today. And so, yes, I'm sorry to go on a long thing, but that is the beauty of a beautiful fix Life is beautiful.

Kena Siu:

It is when you can look for it. Yeah, yeah, it's been open to see it that way, because we have been programmed to see things in the negative. If I mean, if we have an experience of I don't know, something happened in 10 minutes and then something happened for a second, and we're going to focus on that second that something went wrong, instead of on the other 10 minutes that everything was great. That's the way they taught us to, you know, to focus on that. But it's about doing those little shifts and choosing. Yes, I want to choose to see something beautiful, and it has to be intentional, and the more we seek for it, the more we're going to get it. And I want to mention something because when you said beautiful things, I remember once I went to a retreat in Costa Rica, so we went to, we arrived there, to this beautiful finca full of any kind of plants that you would like.

Kena Siu:

I mean, it was so gorgeous and then the river, the cascade from the river going there, and I remember being one of my sisters there and we went for a program that we were taking and we were so overwhelmed, tracy, and the worst thing is that when I got there, that I was presencing all that beauty, I thought that I didn't deserve it. So that was, it was overwhelming because I thought that I didn't deserve it. And that was I was like wow. I was very impressed to have that sensation in my body and saying, wow, this is happening and why am I thinking that I don't deserve this?

Tracy Hill:

that was my next question why? Why?

Kena Siu:

I, I. It was mainly because I needed to work in my own self-worth, so it's. I mean, if we want to see beautiful things out there, we got to start seeing that beautiful things inside. Because by the end of the retreat, after doing a lot of healing and processes and you know, and integrating and everything, when we left there, when we were leaving, and I was like, fuck, yeah, I do deserve this beauty and I want more. But it was really going to that process of the healing. Again, it was a healing process that really helped me by saying, yeah, if there's beauty out there, what's happening? Why do I think that I don't deserve it? What is in me?

Tracy Hill:

That is powerful. I've dealt with a lot of self-worth issues through my life, for sure, but I've never thought of that. When I see beautiful things, I feel at home, I feel connected, I feel drawn to it. I light up inside the idea of seeing something beautiful and questioning. That's powerful. I'm so glad that you took that time to recognize wait a minute, why am I feeling this? And to do the work and heal to the point where you're like not only do I deserve this, but I want more. That's powerful because I try to put myself in those situations as much as I can. Walking through a store, I remember going to see Lion King the musical. Have you seen that?

Kena Siu:

No. The musical no oh.

Tracy Hill:

I was overwhelmed the way you said you were overwhelmed. I can get like that when all of my senses are being you know turned on.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, it is overwhelming. So the Lion King I didn't really know what to expect. The opening of the Lion King, if you ever get a chance. I was there with my mother-in-law, she gifted this to us. I was there with my boys and I didn't even realize this. But when it opens up, it starts off. I'm not even going to try it, but they do that kind of like little.

Tracy Hill:

I'll say chant, and then the music starts and slowly the animals come out, not just on the stage, which is where you're expecting them, these beautiful costumes, but they start coming through the theater and you look up and there's an elephant and the creativity of these costumes and the music is playing and it's getting more and more. And I didn't realize it. But I was just inching towards the end of my seat Like I was, I think my mouth was open, like I was overwhelmed and I looked over at my mother-in-law and the look on her face, she was watching me have this experience. It was almost orgasmic. I mean, it was just, I was just and I'm bawling and I'm crying. This was the opening. I just. That is one of the best examples of being fully immersed in just the high of life, just from the music, visually, the creativity. Knowing that some person saw this visualized it. It's just so good. Costa Rica is on my list, so I will have to absolutely go there. I've heard it's just beautiful?

Kena Siu:

Yes, it's beautiful. I mean it's one of the chakras. It's one of the chakras of the earth. For what I hear, I didn't know that was a thing I didn't know. That's all I know. Don't't know, that's all I know. Don't tell me, that's all I know. But I know that the earth had chakras too.

Tracy Hill:

Okay, I'm going to be rabbit holing with chat TPT after this. I didn't know that that was. I've heard that there are powerful energetic places on earth, but I never thought of it in terms of chakra. Okay, I'm not sure.

Kena Siu:

Yes, I mean to tell you the truth. I haven't dig in, that's all I know. But I was like, okay, that sounds very interesting. So there you go.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, it's got goosebumps. Yes, okay.

Kena Siu:

Okay, so what we talk about a bit already about a beautiful fix, yes, so what is it that that you do in there?

Tracy Hill:

Well, we already speak a bit of what is what is about, but yeah, so my whole thing is I wanted to reach women that felt the way I felt during those years of not knowing who I was and searching, searching, searching, searching for the answers outside of myself, always through books, courses, other people just searching. I wanted to help women searching. I want it to help women first of all, take these micro shifts, to start to go inward, because the answers are within. They are absolutely within. You don't need anybody, anything but yourself. It sounds easy but it requires a lot of work. Like you said, it's a lot of healing. It's a lot of facing the demons, facing the woman in the mirror, unpacking it, looking at your conditioning, your programming. So it's a lot that goes into it. But I want it to just help women realize that the answers are within, to remember how beautiful their lives are as they are and just rediscover who they are. So I do that through my podcast, bringing people you've been on my podcast sharing their stories so that they can identify with they're not alone. I have women from every telling stories that are completely different, but there's this theme of them going on a journey and something happening in their life and then them finding something that started to heal them. So the podcast, through storytelling or through my retreats. So an immersive experience of taking that time for yourself to get out of the habit of your everyday life, just breaking that habit, putting yourself in a whole new environment so that you can spend some time reconnecting with yourself, and through tools like human design, because human design is all about helping you remember who you are.

Tracy Hill:

We're so conditioned, kenna, we're so conditioned we talked about that a lot on today's podcast. We've been conditioned away from who we really are. We've been conditioned to believe that the way we are is not how we're supposed to be. We beat ourselves up and we're constantly trying to be like that one over there. Human design is just about no, you are designed to be exactly how you are. You just need to remember and strip away all the conditioning so that you can remember like, oh my gosh, now that I've taken away all these layers of what everybody else was telling me who I should be, this is who I am, and lining up with that and being authentic and aligned with that, everything else unlocks. Everything else unlocks. So I have the podcast, human design sessions and retreats. So those are the way that I, you know, try to connect with with women and help them remember who they are.

Kena Siu:

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Yeah, it's. Yeah, I mean in in different ways. You and me, what we're doing is really guiding women back to their to themselves, to to know who they are, and bringing that clarity and, yeah, understanding who they are and love themselves, love themselves. And yeah, I want to bring you back to, yeah, I want to bring you back to to do a human design. Yeah, To talk about human design. Yeah, what were you going to?

Tracy Hill:

say sorry? I would love that. No, I was just going to say yes to everything you were saying and to trust themselves. I think I stopped trusting myself because because my body was telling me that this corporate world that I was in was no longer right for me. I didn't trust that because I knew that was exactly where I was supposed to be. Society tells me that this is what I'm striving for, that this is it, and I wasn't listening. So, if I can help women just trust themselves, trust the little whispers, the little nudges, the little breadcrumbs of curiosity. Trust that. Trust that, before anything else, drop back into your body. Trust where your heart is leading you, where your gut is telling you something's right for you or something's wrong for you. Put up those boundaries and those guardrails. Protect your energy. You know it's all of that. It's all of that Just giving women permission. Stop beating yourself up. I promise you. You are designed exactly how you're supposed to be.

Kena Siu:

Yes, I have a couple of questions for you before we close this out. Sure, how would you call your current midlife butterfly chapter?

Tracy Hill:

How would I call it? Yes, I think true to the name Midlife Butterfly. It is a period of transformation. It really is. I am not the same person that I was in my earlier years and that's the beauty in it. I'm evolving. We have to be afraid of that evolution. When you think of a butterfly, can you imagine if it fought itself when it decided to go into the chrysalis to turn into this unknown thing, but to turn into this beautiful butterfly? What if it said, no, I'm good with the caterpillar stage, I'm good, I'm just going to. This is what I know. I'm going to just keep doing this man. It would miss out on having wings and flight and being this gorgeous. So I believe that I am truly there. I'm embracing the unknown.

Tracy Hill:

I do not consider myself an expert at anything. I say this all the time. I don't want to be an expert, I want to be a student of life. I want to be curious, I want to learn. I do want to guide and take other people's hands and shine that spotlight on them so that they can remember kind of who they are and trust.

Tracy Hill:

But I just want to go on the journey. I don't want to know what's around the corner. I don't necessarily want to know what tomorrow brings. I don't want to know what I'm eating for dinner. I really want to be right now. I'm here with you. I'm so deeply present with you right now and that's new for me, because I stay in my head. I live in my mind. I used to live in my mind, but now I'm giving my mind a rest. My mind is all about lived experiences. I don't want to keep living the same day over and over again. So now I'm dropping into my body and I'm embracing, following nudges and the not knowing. I'm excited about that. So that's where I am. I am the butterfly. The butterfly actually is the logo for my company as well. Yes, I know I don't use it everywhere, but that's where it kind of started, because the butterfly represents everything, everything. So I'm just flitting around these days. I'm just flitting and fleeting, that's where you'll find me.

Kena Siu:

Excellent, I love it. And what's? A simple pleasure that you enjoy the most.

Tracy Hill:

Oh, simple pleasure. I enjoy the most. Simple pleasure I enjoy the most. That's hard because I go to. I love reading, I absolutely love reading. I love at the end of the day, when the day's behind me, everything's done, it's just kind of my time and it's like, ooh, what I want to do? That's my favorite time of the day and I love it when I realize I can just sit down with a book.

Tracy Hill:

But I think it's being present. I'm going to say it's being present because I've spent my life not being. No, I don't want to say it. Let me go back.

Tracy Hill:

I think, when I was a little girl, I was very present. When I was playing with my friends, I was right there, I was completely 100%. If we were playing school, I was working it. I was a school teacher, I was there. I was not thinking about anything else. Somewhere along the lines I forgot that and I forgot to be present and I stayed constantly in the future or looking back in the past. I think I am at my happiest and enjoying life the most when I'm just in the moment, whether it's my sons coming home and I'm in the middle of working and I'm trying to get that thing done that I need to get done and they're trying to tell me about their day. Done that I need to get done and they're trying to tell me about their day, and I have enough presence to shut my laptop and just lean in and listen and really listen and forget about all the to-dos, just being in the moment as much as I can.

Kena Siu:

That's fantastic. And I'm going to have to do another question because, as you said, you manage now how to stay present. What is it, which practice do you do, or what is it that you do to practice to get to this present moment? Because it's simple but it's not easy.

Tracy Hill:

Exactly so if I had to answer, I would say it's been a long road and I don't mean that to sound like someone hearing this today can't immediately start it, because you can. It's just that for me, I've done a lot of work on myself to not be in my mind, in my head, to not listen to. I call him, Mr no, he's the voice that lives in my head, that ran my life when I was in corporate America To recognize that that is fear and he's not going to run the show anymore. He's there to keep me safe and I thank him for that. But it's like I'm going to need you to take a back seat.

Tracy Hill:

So it's a lot of energetic work. It's making the choice to meditate in the morning. It doesn't come naturally for me. I want to get up and start doing all the things, For me to stop and say, no, we're going to sit down and for three minutes we're going to meditate, or for one minute I'm going to listen to Kathy Heller's meditation or something, but something that quiets my mind it's. I used to have an alarm set on my phone to every two hours, just beep, so that I could stop and question Tracy, are you in your head, Are you being present? Oh I love that.

Tracy Hill:

Yeah, it's good because you catch yourself and be like wait, what? And it makes you okay, wait, let me think. But it was driving everybody crazy. My alarm was going off at all kinds of places and so I kind of stopped.

Tracy Hill:

but it's a good exercise for someone to try, make it every three hours, make it every five hours to just hear that alarm and stop and say, tracy, are you present? Are you present? Are you present while you're washing the dishes? I mean, are you present while you're eating your food? Mindful eating is powerful. Are you smelling it? Are you tasting it? Are you nibbling it? All of that you can really take this. Kathy Heller has said it best Meditation doesn't have to be a thing you do. Your life can be meditation, your whole life can be.

Tracy Hill:

An active meditation. Yes, an active meditation you can be. It's just being present in each moment when you're driving. Everything can be a form of meditation. So it's something I work on constantly, but it's getting to the part where it's becoming more of the norm. Yeah, then you know every once in a while.

Kena Siu:

Yes, yeah, it's a continuous practice. Yeah, it is, it is, it is the way it is, but it's beautiful, because then we reduce anxiety, we reduce fear, because, because we are focusing in the present moment, this is what it is and here there is only, there's only peace and love.

Tracy Hill:

You cannot be anxious in the now. You can't. You're only anxious when you're thinking of the future. You're only depressed when you're thinking of the past. So, if you can train your mind to stay in this present moment, which is all there is, you can't be either one of those. So it's powerful. So it's worth doing it. It's worth doing it.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, and that's how we can create our lives the best we can, Because we're choosing by being present. We can choose intentionally and then from there that creation is going to come.

Tracy Hill:

Yes, one moment at a time, one beautiful fix at a time. Yes, mic drop.

Kena Siu:

Oh, tracy, thank you so much for this extraordinary and loving conversation, thank you for your presence, your presence, your love, your energy, thank you. Thank you for your presence, your presence, your love, your energy, thank you. Thank you, and to all the listeners, I'm going to be putting in the show notes where you can find Tracy and we're going to be having her back about talking about human design.

Tracy Hill:

Thank you, and I was going to say, if anyone's interested, I do have a free guide that is filled with just five micro shifts. We've talked about these micro shifts. Yes, they're also simple. They're also simple, but it that is something that you know. If they want to take a look at it again, it's been. It's looking at them and just being mindful enough to say, okay, this seems so ridiculously simple you can do the eye roll, but then just kind of try it and just see what happens. So excellent.

Kena Siu:

We'll share it in the notes too, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for tuning into Midlife Butterfly. If this episode lead a spark in you, hit that subscribe or follow button on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you love to listen, so you'll never miss the magic. If you're feeling generous, drop a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps this empowering content reach more souls ready to transform their lives. And don't forget to take a photo of you while listening and share it on your socials. You can tag me at Ken as you, so I can celebrate you and your expansion. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and living in joy, growth and pleasure.

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