Midlife Butterfly: Self-Discovery, Women Empowerment & Life Transitions
Midlife isn’t just a phase—it’s a powerful catalyst for transformation. Whether you’re navigating divorce, an identity crisis, a breakup, feeling lost, a spiritual awakening, empty nest syndrome, moving to a new city or country, or grief—this chapter of life is calling you to heal, grow, and reinvent yourself.
I’m Kena Siu, your host and Self-Love & Empowerment Guide, and I’m here to help you embrace midlife as a time of expansion, self-discovery, and joy.
Join me and my guests as we share personal stories, mindset shifts, self-care practices, and spiritual tools to support you on your journey. Midlife is not the end—it’s a new beginning. It’s time to prioritize yourself, reclaim your power, and create life on your own terms.
Follow and listen for inspiration, healing, and practical steps to transform your life from simply surviving to fully thriving.
You are the creator of your life. Let’s co-create together so you can spread your wings and fly.
Much love 💜,
Kena Siu
Midlife Butterfly: Self-Discovery, Women Empowerment & Life Transitions
#29 - The Common Denominator: How Taking Radical Responsibility Can Set You Free
Beauty, if you’ve ever walked away from a relationship, sat in silence with a broken heart, or stared at the ceiling wondering “Why does this keep happening to me?” — this episode is for you.
In this raw and healing solo episode, I invite you into one of the most transformative chapters of my own journey — my second divorce, the grief of letting go, and the wild beauty of realizing that I was the common denominator.
This one’s not about blame, it’s about deep self-awareness. It’s about reclaiming your power as a midlife woman navigating loss, reinvention, immigration, awakening, and love in all its messy, sacred forms. It’s about shedding the victim mask and becoming the observer, the chooser, the creator of a life that actually feels good to live.
💫 In This Episode, You’ll Hear:
- What happens when you realize you’ve been the common thread in your own painful patterns — and how that can be your greatest portal to healing.
- A tender story of grief, London streets, Indian food, and the quiet kind of friendship that saves your soul.
- Why meditation was the threshold that helped me shift from autopilot to conscious creator.
- How I started becoming my own best friend — and how you can too.
- The power of unlearning: rewriting the beliefs, behaviors, and inner vocabulary that were quietly keeping me stuck.
🦋 Reflection Questions
- Where in your life do you notice a repeating pattern — and what might it be trying to teach you about yourself?
- How do you speak to yourself when no one else is listening — would you say those same words to a dear friend?
- What outdated beliefs or “life checklists” are ready to be released so you can create a more joyful, peaceful life on your terms?
Join my Midlife Butterfly Facebook group and catch the recordings of my CLARITY Live Experience, or get Clarity VIP which includes a Coaching & Integration Session on July 25.
For one-on-one coaching to help you find your common denominators and create your best life, book a call with me.
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You can find all the podcast details right here: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast
Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise
Follow Kena on Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Join the Midlife Butterfly Community: http://www.facebook.com/groups/midlifebutterfly
For Coaching, Courses & More Visit Kena's Website: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/workwithme
Request a Free Empowered Call with Kena if you're interested in working with her: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/empoweredsession
Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada
Have you ever wondered if you are the common denominator of the things that are happening in your life? Give it a thought. In this week's solo episode, I went deep to the common denominator that I used to be in a specific part of my life that I got to change. So stay tuned and I want to let you know that this week Clarity is happening, my three-day live experiences where you get to get back home to yourself if you're feeling lost, disconnected or stuck. So I invite you to join my Midlife Butterfly Facebook group. The recordings are being saved in there until Sunday if you would like to catch up and, if you want, you can keep the recordings for life by signing up for Clarity VIP, which also includes the coaching session and integration on Friday, july 25th. So join us in Clarity. I hope to see you there.
Kena Siu:Midlife Butterfly a woman in the sacred in between. She's not who she once was and not quite who she's becoming. Yet she's unraveling, awakening, remembering. She's navigating life transitions, divorce, loss, reinvasion, moves with a burning desire for freedom, joy and solid living. She feels the pull to rise, to fly. She's no longer afraid of her own wings.
Kena Siu:Are you the common denominator? A dear person very close to me, is going through some life transitions at this moment, and so she divorced and then she's moving back home for a while While deciding what she's going to do and because of other things besides that separation and it just you know brought to me a lot of memories back from when I separated and then divorced the first time. This was back 15 years ago actually, and I was thinking about the people who was there supporting me. I was thinking about the people who was there supporting me and the kind of impact that that can create when going through a chapter in life like that, because it's fucking tough, at least for me. At the time, I was living in Romania and so we were going through the process of immigrating to Canada and even though we were separated already for a year, we were still living together. So just that situation itself was quite hard. Have you ever been next to someone and missing them at the same time? And missing them at the same time? That's one of the more nostalgic, I can say, emotions ever, at least for me Missing someone that is just next to you.
Kena Siu:So when I left Romania with a friend of mine, we decided to go to London. We were there for four days or something. Uh, this guy was my colleague and it was just so much fun and it was so healing for me. Uh, cause we, we took the bus to go to Bucharest to then fly to London and just by getting in that bus with a couple of pieces of luggage, that was all I had with me.
Kena Siu:I remember sobbing for quite some time. It was so sad, it was so, so fucking sad and hard. And you know, it was my first marriage and at the time I mean for some people still is, but at the time I had that idea, you know, of the happily ever after. At the time I had that idea, you know, of the happily ever after and I realized that at least with one partner or with one person for me that was not the truth. It could be for you but it was not for me, and a lot of things shattered just by realizing that. And at the time I mean you know the checklist of having the studies and then I travel around and then having the husband. I travel around and then having the husband and then not having kids and deciding not to have kids by choice. You know the disruption of the checklist and the status quo and I am very, very grateful for the fact that my parents were always there for me. I remember when I talked to them on the phone and told them what was happening and they say, well, what we care about is your happiness. So whatever choice you take, we are with you. And that was so liberating for me Because I mean, they are my pillars and it was important for me. But I thought about it, um, yeah.
Kena Siu:So coming back to so that trip to London, I remember, with my friend we I guess we were very lucky because only one day rained and most of the days they were sunny and then we were just walking and walking and walking through the streets of London. It was so fun. I remember at one point we were hungry and you know this little shop and I it was, I mean, the owners were from India and it smelled so good when we got into there and I was like, well, just get some food. I think we paid like two pounds for a dish of Indian food oh my God, one of the most delicious ones. So we were just sitting on a bench in a park somewhere eating this delicious food while, you know, taking a break from our walk, and, ah, so beautiful those memories.
Kena Siu:I was just reading in my journal about that and just thinking that how healing could be just someone walking next to you Sometimes we didn't have to talk, or probably most of the time we didn't talk and just by walking and processing and thinking the healing process of that. It was so beneficial for me and it was great, you know, because at the time I was flying back to Mexico to visit my parents for a couple of months before moving in and migrating to Canada. So those four days in there with my friend made a huge difference. With my friend made a huge difference because when I got home to my parents and my family, I didn't allow them to see me that sad and if I didn't want them to see me like that, it was more because I know it was hard for them the fact that they were not able to fly there and help me or support me during that time. And it's painful for the parents I mean, I'm not a mother but I know it's painful when people go through those things and witnessing your children go through that, to those situations in life, even though when you know it's part of their journey and they need to learn and it's their process. You know the whole thing. I was aware then that it was hard for them to see me that way and so, by arriving there in a better state, emotionally and mentally, I felt better. And of course, I did cry with them and I, you know, shared stories and I, you know, share stories and stuff. But it was such a healing process for me to spend two months with them before moving to Canada. Having the family support has been so great. They've been always there and even when my father has transitioned already, I know he's with me, I can still talk to him and I still ask him sometimes for guidance and my mom's still there, always supporting. We have been always welcome to come back home, home.
Kena Siu:And then, why the question of if I was the common denominator? It's because you probably know, or not, that I've been divorced twice. My second relationship was with a person that I met here in Montreal and we were together for almost 10 years. So when our relationship as a couple came to an end, it's when I started questioning. It's when I started questioning like, okay, this is the second time that this happens to me or for me, better said now, and well, the common denominator it's me. So what is it in there that I get to fix between codes that I you know? What are the things in there that I am doing that I am thinking which are my patterns that are actually not helping me to have better relationships? And it's when I went deep into my healing process because I wanted the answers to all those questions. It was a long process. I journaled a lot, I meditated a lot and did yoga and fucking cried a lot. And that's why, for me, covid was a blessing, because I had the time to go through that painful process. You know, since we were at home, I didn't have much work to do, so I was able to take that time to take care of myself. So I did, and so I did. And again, I processed a lot of things and I even took a program called Master your Mindset and that broke me a lot of more awareness on the kind of vocabulary that I was using to understand.
Kena Siu:And I do believe that mind control it is the best investment we can do in ourselves, because what we experience in life it's based in our minds, it's based in the education you received From your parents, from school, it's based on the culture you lived in the religion that you had, your environment, the political, whatever. It's based in so many things and we create our lives based. Create and live our lives based in our perceptions, and those perceptions come from our life experiences. So they are so fucking limited if you think about it. And when we get so stubborn on wanting things to be a certain way or people to behave a certain way, we're trying to control something that we can't. That's how we create a lot of suffering and that's how we feel miserable or live miserable by putting expectations on things that you cannot control, because the truth is, or my truth is.
Kena Siu:One of the only things that I'm able to control really is my mind, and it takes a lot of practice. I mean, I can say it now, in my late 40s, but when you have to change beliefs and programs and patterns that you have had for decades, fuck. It takes time and a lot of compassion and kindness and practice and practice. That's really what it is, because you need to deprogram, you need to unlearn so many fucking things to then learn new things that are better for you now, that serve you now, and I'm saying now because as you keep evolving and growing through your life, it's going to continue to shift. I mean, our physiology change, our body has other needs, and then our mind also, how it evolves as we keep growing and having different relationships. And then, you know, also learning new things in life, but also like, if you like, investing in programs and mentorship or listening to podcasts and then integrating them into your life, as I do you keep shifting and shifting right, right. So that's why, for me, investing in my mindset has been a life changer, and it started with meditation, with something that you don't even have to pay for it. Yeah, meditation was a life changing for me because it was the threshold. Yeah, it was really the door for me to start getting more awareness of what was in there. To start getting more awareness of what was in there.
Kena Siu:If we don't take the time for stillness, to observe what is going on In the mind, then we cannot know. That's how I and you and many people are living in autopilot, because they don't even know what's going on in their mind, which are the thoughts, the beliefs, the patterns, the programs that are in there, and then we're thinking that life is happening to you, not for you, because some of the programming it's being a victim, because it's easier being a victim than taking responsibility. What they don't know and you might not know is that when you actually take responsibility, you take your power back. You do, and it's so fucking great. It is so great because then you realize, oh shit, yes, I am the creator of my own reality.
Kena Siu:So what do I choose now to create a better reality? What thoughts do I have to shift? What kind of vocabulary I need to implement? What kind of programs you need to unlearn? What kind of new programs you want to install in your brain that serve you better now? Install in your brain that serve you better now. And when I'm saying this I'm I'm smiling because it's such a cool experience once you are there and start, like really what I'm imagining now is like, have you ever played Tetris? You probably do, I mean if you're in midlife, right.
Kena Siu:So it's observing when the pieces are falling, meaning being aware of your thoughts when they are coming to mind. So when you get to observe them, then, if you like, in the Tetris, the piece comes, starts moving down and you need to shift it into a certain way so it completes the line right and then that line, if it's 100, complete with all the little blocks, it disappears and then you're gonna have more space for the pieces that are falling right To then create as more full lines as possible. So the more aware you are of your dots, the more you can shift them to something that works for you, instead of harming you in a way yeah, mentally affecting you and then feeling miserable or suffering for things that are not necessary. I really love that Tetris analogy Because that's yeah, that's so fun Once you see your mind and your thoughts as a game like that and start shifting them and then at one point, some of them they finally get to vanish away and then you start bringing thoughts that are more helpful for you, and one of the things that I did after I separated the second time was I chose, I decided to become my best friend, and I actually have a program about that, if you want to check it out in midlifebutterflyca because one of the voices in your mind is the critic, that inner critic.
Kena Siu:It's so mean and I don't know about you, but at least in my case I used to talk to myself sometimes so harsh and so mean that I wouldn't even be capable of doing that, not even with my worst enemy Like seriously. So how come it's possible that you are harming yourself with vocabulary that really hurts? It's just, it's a big no-no. Why would you do that, like seriously? And by saying this, I also want to remind you that you are not your thoughts, that's only one of your voices in your head, the inner critic critic. And the thing is, if you are not very connected to the other voice, which is the one from your intuition, from your soul, this inner critic, the one that we also call the ego, when it is very, very loud it's very hard to listen to the soul voice. And then we believe what this inner critic is telling you, is telling us.
Kena Siu:The thing is like in the Tetris in this game, you are the observer, right, you are the one playing with the pieces and shifting them. It is exactly the same with your dots you are just the observer, you are not them, right, right, just take a moment to pause, just by you thinking about oh, am I my thoughts? Who actually thought that? Who was the observer? See, it's your consciousness. It was not you. You are just the consciousness behind observing your thoughts. So once you get to understand this, the more selective you can actually be with your thoughts.
Kena Siu:Coming back to meditation, that's why, for me, meditation was a game changer was because by doing passive meditation, so meaning sitting and observing my thoughts, that's how I started then doing my Tetris game, and at the beginning it's hard and I remember my mentor used to say because she said at the beginning it's like the cleaning phase Did you know that you process around 60,000 dots per day? That's freaking insane. I was making a math once and said if we sleep eight hours a day, if the rest of the time we are awake, it was having around one thought every second. Isn't it crazy? I mean, no wonder why we feel so insane and so crazy many times and overwhelmed and stressed. And it's because then we don't know what's happening in there. We don't know, but we feel the stress, we feel the overwhelm. Do you? I can imagine you just nodding.
Kena Siu:So when you take the time to meditate and stay in stillness and observe your thoughts and just seeing them passing as clouds, you know I love this metaphor of you being the sky and your thoughts being the clouds, so just See them passing by and that cleaning process. It's hard and that's why a lot of people quit meditating. Or they said they cannot meditate within quotes. But what happened is when you finally start noticing your thoughts and the fact that most of them are negative, the fact that most of them are repetitive and the fact that a lot of them are thoughts that we were, thought that they were not good, thought that they were not good. It's when we cripple and when we want to quit, because you will start seeing your shadow in there, the things that they tell you to hide no-transcript, or that you were unlovable, or that showing your emotions is bad, or any other thing or perception of a person that you got because, according to, again, the collective, either religion, culture, society, etc. Etc. It's not good between quotes then you hide so many things in you and that's what it's called the shadow and that's what it's called the shadow.
Kena Siu:What you might not know is that when you get to observe that shadow and accept it and love it and welcoming it as a part of you, welcoming it as a part of you, that's the key to start feeling whole again. And notice that I say feeling because you are whole already. You are whole. It's just the fact that we were taught to avoid, to ignore, to oppress so many parts because they don't supposed to be welcome when the reality is that they are part of you. And once you go to that cleaning process of the meditation phase and welcoming these parts of you, that's how you can shift your life immensely, because, again, being able to control the mind is the key to create a better reality.
Kena Siu:You have probably heard about the let them theory right Of Mel Robbins Robbins. It's basically you taking control but letting them do it. It means that you are taking control of your life and what matters to you, and by deprogramming and unlearning and then learning and program yourself with things that serve you, that's how you can shift your life. I've done it and I've seen many people doing it, and I'm sure you can do it as well, and I do think that having coaches and mentors to help you do that it's key. We need support of people who have already done it to be able to do it in an easier way. Otherwise it can take you lifetimes, not only this one.
Kena Siu:I mean. The mind keeps so many things, and can you believe it that we only use not even 10% of it? Oh my God. Anyway, that's another story, but yeah, so what is happening in your life? Happening in your life that you are the common denominator of seeing certain results in it. So for me I've been divorced twice and I am the common denominator of this situation If I didn't take the time to heal, to see what was on my mind, what was happening in there, what kind of limiting beliefs I needed to reprogram, what kind of programs and patterns I was having by behaving in my relationships like that that it was harming the relationship itself, what kind of behaviors I was doing as an individual that I was then judging the other person because, according to my perception, whatever they were doing it was wrong, it was bad or manipulative. Yeah, I said it right, because at that time, with those two relationships well, with the second one, at the end, I mean I shifted. I shifted a lot in the process of that relationship of almost 10 years, but I mean most of the time I was a victim, and one of the roles as a victim is that we like to manipulate.
Kena Siu:Right, because, oh poor me, you are making me feel this, you are causing me to behave like certain way. You, you, you, you and hell. No, it's me, me, me, me. Everything starts because of then me or, in this case, you, dear listener, because the truth is, everything is about the self, the other person, the other relationship, the circumstance that is happening is just the way I see it, the way I perceive it is just a reflection of who I am.
Kena Siu:So who are you? Who are you? What's in your mind? Which are your labels? Which are the hats that you are wearing? Which are the thoughts that you are having? Which are your beliefs that make you move or not forward? Which are the patterns that you are repeating that might, might not serve you anymore? Question it all.
Kena Siu:Again, it's coming back to the self, because whatever is happening in your life, you are the common denominator of it. You are the one creating it. So I invite you to question it, because once you realize that and take the time to heal those parts of you that are not serving you anymore as an individual and as a loving partner, or as a daughter or a son, or a co-worker, or as an entrepreneur, or as a friend, etc. Etc. Again, you are the creator. It's your responsibility. Don't give it to others. Take your power back. It's so fucking cool. It's so fucking cool when you can take your power back, because then you can create a reality, or at least a better reality than the one you have now, and the cool part is that it can get better and better.
Kena Siu:And I'm telling you because I'm fucking living it, my reality at this time, after five years of my second divorce, I've never point I feel so joyful and abundant in any way and reach in, you know, in with my friendships, with my family, even when they are away, away in my life itself, who I am creating it every day, because as soon as I wake up at this point, I wake up in peace and in gratitude and that's the best fucking success I can ever have. That's the best fucking success I can ever have. That's for me that success. Of course, sometimes the peace is there, that you know, most of the time. Sometimes my mind is, you know, going through something and it's normal. I'm human, you are human. But the thing is that most of the time I feel like that I have shifted it from the surge between quotes of happiness and I have shifted for peace. I'd rather feel peaceful because I know life is going to continue happening. You know it's a roller coaster but the fact that I am able to control my mind most of the time because of course it happens that I fall into the autopilot sometimes, or if I'm very busy, or anyway. Life happens. I'm human.
Kena Siu:My point is what was my point? What was my point? Okay, my point is the more I'm able to control my mind, the better life I am creating, moment to moment, day by day. Because by being more aware of what you are thinking, of, what you believe some programs are, the more you're going to be able to shift to something better, right. And by choosing something different, that's how you create a better reality. Sometimes it might not be the choice that we would like to, but it could be a choice that is slightly different, that it can make us feel a bit better, right, make us feel a bit better, right. So, yeah, that's what I have for you today.
Kena Siu:Question yourself if you are the common denominator of something, and what is it that you have to shift, to change, to let go of, for you to live a better life, for you to improve the relationships with your partner, with your siblings, with your kids? Because the thing is it can shift it all Controlling your life. It's your mind, sorry, it's controlling your life. Yeah, that's what is, and I'm not saying not to go with the flow, no, on the contrary, it's about if before, I used to be a control freak and now I love being more into flow, and is it's about then allowing my mind to say, no, it's okay, let's let it flow, I accept it, I allow it instead of trying to control it. So, yeah, give it a shot.
Kena Siu:Give it a shot if you want to create a better life for you, for your dear ones, and know that I am open for one-on-one coaching where we can work in all this to find the common denominator, things that are within you that are worth shifting, for you to create your best life, your dream life, because it's possible, it is. I am doing it and I am helping people doing it as well, so I know you can do it too. If this resonates with you, if you would like to work with me, book a call. I'll be more than happy to have a chat with you and if we are a good match, it would be great to guide you in your journey, because this life is so worth living the way you want it, and the best thing is that, the way you want it, it keeps expanding the more you free your mind of so many limiting stuff that doesn't allow you to see further. And even then, our mind is still limited. When you go beyond the trust and the surrendering to life itself, magic and miracles can happen more and more often. So yeah, book a call with me. I look forward to working with you.
Kena Siu:Have a beautiful day. Much love as usual. Take care. Thank you for tuning into Midlife Butterfly. If this episode lead a spark in you, hit that subscribe or follow button on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you love to listen, so you'll never miss the magic. If you're feeling generous, drop a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps this empowering content reach more souls ready to transform their lives. And don't forget to take a photo of you while listening and share it on your socials. You can tag me at Ken as you, so I can celebrate you and your expansion. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and living in joy, growth and pleasure.
