Midlife Butterfly | Identity, Reinvention, Transformation, Grief, Self-Worth, Empowerment & Spiritual Awakening

#39 - Shedding the Good Girl: Living Fully Aligned Beyond Fear & Old Identities with Karolina Bey Autumn

• Kena Siu • Episode 39

Share episode

Have you ever felt like you did everything “right” — followed the checklist, played the good girl — yet somehow lost yourself along the way?

In this heartfelt conversation, Kena and Karolina strip away the conditioning that keeps women small and explore what it means to reclaim your voice, your pleasure, and your power in midlife. Karolina shares her journey of leaving behind the rules, navigating divorce and loss, and rediscovering her truth through sound therapy and soul connection.

This episode is a love letter to every woman who’s done being who she was told to be and is ready to become who she truly is — free, joyful, and unapologetically herself. By the end, you’ll remember that everything you’ve been searching for has always been within you.


✨ In This Episode, You’ll Hear

  • How fear often shows up as a sign your soul is ready to expand
  • Why healing isn’t about fixing yourself, but remembering who you are
  • What happens when you shift your inner vocabulary and start speaking to yourself like your best friend
  • How letting go of control opens the door to true freedom and flow
  • The truth about midlife: it’s not a crisis, it’s your awakening!


🦋 Reflection Questions

  1. Where in your life are you still living by someone else’s checklist?
  2. What would it look like to choose joy — just for you — today?
  3. How can you start speaking to yourself with the same love you offer others?


If this episode lit something up in you, share it with another woman who’s ready to rise.


And if you’re walking through your own season of reinvention, explore The Butterfly Path or The Truth Seeker, Kena’s 1:1 coaching journeys to help you reconnect with your soul, reclaim your joy, and create your next chapter from deep alignment.
Visit midlifebutterfly.com or connect on Instagram @midlifebutterfly


You can find Karolina:


Midlife empowerment podcast, reinvent yourself after divorce, midlife awakening, healing journey for women, spiritual awakening in midlife, find your purpose midlife, self-trust and alignment.

- - - - -

Learn more about RESET, the Intimate Women's Retreat to pause, play & connect. From October 23-26 in the Laurentians, close to Montreal, Qc, Canada. Check the details and reserve your spot: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/resetretreat - Over 30% discount. DM for details!


If this story touched your heart, share it with another woman who’s navigating her own transition.

And if you’re ready to reconnect with yourself and create your next chapter with more freedom, joy, and alignment, join me on Instagram @midlifebutterfly
or explore The Butterfly Path coaching journey.

Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise

Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Kena:

We have been the nicest girls, we have been married and divorced, then we're interpr entrepreneurs as well. And we have gone through the healing processes to live better lives. And that's the aim of this podcast, to empower women to speak their truth, to be themselves, so they can create better lives based on who they are and not what they were told to be. Midlife Butterfly, a woman in the sacred in-between. She's not who she once was and not quite who she's becoming yet. She's unraveling, awakening, remembering. She's navigating life transitions, divorce, loss, reinvasion, moves, with a burning desire for freedom, joy, and souled living. She feels the pull to rise, to fly. She's no longer afraid of her own wings. She is a sound therapy practitioner and also a podcast host of the Inner Sound Check. And she's been here in the podcast before when we talk about not giving a fuck about you know societal. Well, following the checklist, basically. And she's back to tell her story, to tell her truth. And that's what I don't think we need a longer bio because she's gonna tell us what who she is, what she's been through, and yeah, to get into some juicy stuff in here. Thank you so much, Karoline and Karolina, to for being here at Midliefe Butterfly again.

Karolina:

Thank you for having me.

Kena:

It's such a pleasure.

Karolina:

Yeah, it's an honor to be here again and to know you. Yes, yeah, me too.

Kena:

Likewise. It's and the fun part is I think this gonna this conversation is gonna be super juicy because we have a lot of things in common. We have been the nicest girls, we have been married and divorced, and then we're entrepreneurs as well. And we have gone through the healing processes to live better lives, and that's the aim of this podcast to empower women to speak their truth, to be themselves so they can create better lives based on who they are and not what they were told to be.

Karolina:

Yes, absolutely, amen.

Kena:

Yes, amen to that. So let's get started. So where were you before? Let's start from yeah, where were you before, and then eventually we're gonna go through where you are now and uh well, where were you and who were you at that time?

Karolina:

Yeah, I mean, for most of my life, I was doing the things that I thought I was supposed to and checking the life lists of like go to school, and I'm the oldest of two kids, and so I feel like the oldest daughter also has this like pressure of like, and my mom loved school, so I felt like I had to be good at school, but I hated school. I school was not for me, and I always like you know, go to school, get the good grades, and like go to university, get a degree. I never used my degree, my degree is in humanities, but like I had to get a degree that was the checklist point, so I did that, and like, and then, but I've always had this love for music, and so I was always trying to find ever since I was three, I loved music. I wanted to be a rock star, and my dad was teaching me how to play the guitar, and like I ended up like working at a record label and like finding my way through like music paths. I tried to be a music teacher, I went to university for music before I got my degree in humanities, and I've been like floating through life because what I knew I wanted, which was something to do with music, which is now I'm doing sound therapy. Makes sense, but society said that wasn't good enough. You can't make a career at that, so you have to get something that makes sense, you have to do something that's gonna pay the bills. Like when I first left, I had a career in admin, I had a pension, I made a lot of money. And when I first left that after COVID, so fall of 2020, to try and pursue my passion because I couldn't do it anymore. 35 years old. And I was like, I can't, I can't do this. There's something wrong. COVID really broke me open because my workplace was dictating what was supposed to be right for me and what was supposed to be safe for me. And in that kind of environment, I was like, no, thank you. And so breaking through that and and quitting, and all my dad said, Are you making a living? I was like, I'm leaving, I'm leaving my job to pursue my passions. And all he said, he didn't, he didn't ask what I was doing or whatever. He just cared that I was making enough money. And like that's what I was raised in, that kind of environment. Yeah. Are you making money? It doesn't matter. Are you happy? Do you love what you're doing? Those were never questions that I was asked. It was always like, Are you making money? Are you doing what you're told? And like at no point did people like no one really asks you what you want in life. And I think you're allowed to know what you want. You're allowed to know, like, oh, like when you're dating and you're trying to find a husband, because that's on the checklist. Yes. It's it's like, you know, I want this like Chris Hemsworth Greek God looking guy. And then people will tell you, oh, don't hold out for that because you can never get everything that you want. I'm calling bullshit. But at the time, I'm like, okay, well, and someone once gave me the advice of like, make sure you date someone who likes you more than you like them. And I was like, okay, but like, I know, but like I internalized all this advice because as good girls, we're taught to look outside of ourselves for those cues. Yeah, we're taught to like, because we're not asked, what do we want? What makes us happy? You know, even as a kid, the activities I was put in, they all had to do with like I did gymnastics because my dad did gymnastics, not because no one said, Hey, you love music, let's put you in singing lessons. Nobody, never, I've never done that my whole life. I had to choose it myself. I'm in choir now at 40. But like, I I I always was like looking to other people, like, what should I do? And so that was my early life, looking to other people. And then I spent the last five years trying to figure out who am I and what do I want?

Kena:

Yeah, we come to a point, and I guess that's the beauty of midlife, right? Then we think we are in a midlife crisis, which is not really that, is our awakening after following all those rules, the checklist, the status quo, because as you said, like they don't ask us what we want, they can say, Okay, what do you want to study? Like, but what about if I don't want to study? Yeah, if if you know, I also went to university, I wanted to go to university, and but that's the thing, like in your case, was something that you are not going to make money with music. So, how come there to go that path? If yeah, you're not gonna be able to sustain yourself financially afterwards.

Karolina:

Yeah, but who's to say that I can't? Like, who are they to limit me? Like, yes, you know, and I remember in high school, you were only allowed to take one of the arts, and so I had to pick music, but I wanted to do art, I wanted to do drama, I wanted to do graphic design. Nope, you can only do one, one and but you have to do math and science, and I don't I don't remember any of that history, I don't geography, like I got Google Maps, I don't need geography, yeah. We have calculator, right?

Kena:

I don't need math, I don't remember math, yeah, and but that's how the system is created, unfortunately, to cut off our creativity, because if we would really flow into our creativity, as you said, design and music and art and coloring and photography or whatever, that's how we really express ourselves, yeah. So they want to demons down that. Well, that's the way it's done.

Karolina:

Yeah, yeah, that's how I felt. I felt like I feel now this year is the first year of my life that I feel I'm actually expanding and I'm letting myself glow. And I need to take a lot of time to integrate that because I'm seeing myself behave and react in ways that are who my future self is, because I'm stepping into that 2.0 version and behaving as that 2.0 version. Yeah, but my brain is still like, wait a minute, this isn't how we lived the last 40 years. So there's like a disconnect and like a pullback, yeah. There's like this embodiment piece of like, no, I am, I'm gonna be a millionaire, and I'm gonna like I'm a badass boss queen, and like nobody can tell me otherwise. And I'm dating right now. This man last night called me a goddess, and I'm like, Yes, I am.

Kena:

Claim that, claim that, of course, yeah, yeah, and that's the thing. We also want that kind of relationship that they are going to lift us up, yeah, and we will do the same for them, exactly, right? Yeah, so oh my god, this is so juicy, and I can see it in your face, yes. You know how you like this year, that payment, and I'm sure that's why what that you rebranded your business and everything, and your offerings as well, yeah, and and my name, yeah, yeah, your name, Carolina, Carolina, yeah, because I was born as Beverly, and I've always hated that name.

Karolina:

Always when I was three, I wanted to be a rock star named Carolina, but I always thought that I needed to, you know, my parents gave me that name, and I thought it would be disrespectful if I changed my name. Fuck that, it's my name. But yeah, you're the one wearing it, right? I I feel my energy. If if I say hi, I'm Beverly, I feel it constricting. It doesn't feel good when I say hi, I'm Carolina, I feel expansive. And so when my divorce is final this year, hopefully in September, depending how long it takes to process, I'm legally changing my name because this makes me feel expansive, and that's what I want to live the rest of my life as expansive because I'm done settling for things that I was handed in life.

Kena:

Yes, yes, welcoming that expansion. Yes, yeah. Hell yeah. Oh my god, it's so important. You know what? My my name is actually Eugenia. I mean, it's not my favorite, but I mean it it's you know, it's okay now that you're saying because and then another thing that uh we can talk a bit later is I know how you talk about a lot about the importance of our the words that we use, and I think that's super important as well. Yeah, um, yeah, but coming back to my name, I mean it doesn't bother me. I mean, it's okay, but I'd rather have been called by my nickname, which is Kenna. Yeah, I don't know, it's I think I know I don't know, it's shorter, I think it's more potent, as you said. It's like saying Kenna is like, oh, you know, something else, like saying Eugenia, and then sometimes you said Virginia, no, it's Eugenia, it's in Spanish, Eugenia, and then sometimes you need, you know, need to do the whole explanation, but at least Kenna, even though sometimes they call me Kina because I mean, if it's in English, right? But I mean, yeah, I think that's important to have names that we can feel empowered with them.

Karolina:

Like if you feel ashamed, like I feel ashamed to say, hi, I'm Beverly. I don't want to go through life with this shame. Like, and that's something you always have to, you you go out and you meet people and you're like, hi, this is my name, or someone calls you that name, or like, you know, and you have you always feel that shame when they're using that name. Like, I don't want to carry that around anymore because words have vibration and they have energy, and and we don't know enough about that because we're not taught that. But like the words that we choose to use every day have a vibration and it helps, you know, guide where we're at in the day. Because if you go around complaining all day, that's bringing you down. And if you go around looking at the positives, like you know, say it's hot and humid, but you say it's beautiful, it's sunny outside today, you're shifting that vibration, your that outlook, and shifting your outlook is just as powerful as shifting the words you're using.

Kena:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel you on that. Because one of the things that I that I that I learned to do and I chose to do because nobody actually told me after I separated to I was like, okay, I need to improve the relationship with myself, yeah. Because I mean, if the relationship with myself is not good, of course I'm reflecting that to other people, and of course that was reflected into my marriage as well. Yeah, and one of the things that I chose to do was to become my best friend, yeah, and the first things that I started doing is the inner vocabulary because we talk to ourselves so bad and so mean, yeah, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna start treating myself as like my best friend. So choose words that you will use with that other person, yes, and that's how my vocabulary, my words started shifting and changing for good, and that's how my reality starts also changing because, as you said, everything is a frequency, so we start seeing things from another from other lenses because unfortunately we're taught to follow and to focus on negative stuff instead of positive, yeah, and it's not that we have to be positive all the time, but at least we we can choose, yeah, we can even get neutral if we want to, it's possible, yeah. But it's really having that awareness to choose our words and starting with the inner vocabulary that we have.

Karolina:

Yeah, I I would encourage listeners too to try this. Like, try saying, So I use this example with my dog, he like scratches the grass after he pees. All dogs do that. Yes, and I he's he's very I've shifted the word. I used to say you're so aggressive, say that word. Like I'm encouraging the listener, say the word aggressive, and then you're shifting to the word enthusiastic and see how that feels in you because they both mean the same thing. You can use both words to describe the same action, but the one feels better, and that's just yeah, that's how you can feel the difference in the vibration of the words you're using and what you're choosing, and it's all that lens. And you're right, when you talk to yourself, you look in the mirror and you say, I'm beautiful, I'm hot, I'm a goddess. Like you say those things to yourself, eventually you start to believe them, and then you start shifting, you start recognizing these other words you're using, like aggressive, and you're like, Oh, that doesn't feel good, because you're you're more in tune with this goodness of like goddess and hot and beautiful, and like then you really feel you're like, Oh, this word doesn't feel good, and then you can choose, you're always choosing what word you can use.

Kena:

Yes, yeah, definitely. Yeah, we're always choosing. That's true. Yeah, and I think it's how little by little, I don't know how it was for you, like your part of your awakening, because I I want to go there. Yeah, for me was very subtle, little by little, but one of the things it was it was that me starting to shift my vocabulary, vocabulary, and as you said, that helped me shift my own energy, yes, and that is oh my god, that's so freaking magical with that start happening, yeah.

Karolina:

It is, yeah, it is little things. I feel it starts little because I almost I don't believe the universe is testing us, but I do believe that when we're ready, it can either like for me, it was kind of both where it was little changes I was making, and then I got hit over the head. Like, you can't you can't you can't keep going. Here's the big thing, but I still didn't know what it meant, and then I kept doing my little things until this year, and then I figured out what it all meant, and then everything fell into place. It's like those little pieces, it's like when you're doing a puzzle and you have you know, you're you see it coming together, and then all of a sudden that last little bit and all the pieces just fall into place and the whole puzzle's done, and like that's kind of what it felt like for me. But yeah, it's the little things, and we don't, you know. And when I share the story of the awakening, people might think that's what you need in order to change, but it's these little pieces that set that foundation that get you to this place. I truly believe that.

Kena:

Yeah, yeah, would you like to expand of those little pieces that you were through?

Karolina:

Sure, yeah. So after I left my job in 2020, that's that was the first thing I just knew. Something felt off. And following that whisper of something feels off, I can't work for I can't, it wasn't even the work. It I mean, the work wasn't ideal for me, but it was the fact that someone else was allowed to dictate what I had to do with my life, and I was not okay with that, and recognizing that and and the action of quitting, showing the universe, I'm not allowing this anymore. I'm not allowing anyone to tell me what I can and can't do with my life anymore. And it's it's little actions like that. And I know that's a big action quitting your job, losing, I lost. Well, I didn't lose my pension, it's now like a GIC or something, but like I'm not contributing to it, I don't have that anymore. So, like a lot of people think, how can you leave a full-time job, like you know, with a but my soul matters so much more than any number, like you know, and following this, that was the first time I think I can't say the first time in my life. I'm sure there was other times, but in this journey in the past five years, that was the first step I took where I was like, I'm not actually, you know what? I also got married in 2020, right before COVID, and I started claiming this new identity because I never liked my father's name, like my family name either. And so when I got married, I got to change my last name, and that was my first permission slip that I can start claiming these new things that feel more in alignment for who I'm becoming. So, like I changed my name and then I quit my job, and then I started doing TikToks and I started rejecting how I was dressing because I dressed the way I thought I had to. I thought things needed to be tight, I thought I need to show things off. I thought that's how women were supposed to like present themselves. All my clothes were way too tight, and like I started, I went in the complete opposite direction. I started wearing like baggy clothes, and then I started realizing, wow, I can breathe. And and and getting dressed on TikTok and showing ways where like I used to wear tight clothes, but then I also used to hide in my clothes. It was very like, and so then finding ways that light me up and things that light me up, so like little things like that. And I've yeah, and I've always been a spiritual person, so I've always done like meditation and vision boards and stuff like that. So that always continued, but these things that I did were all like real world kind of stuff, and the biggest thing that helped for me was moving. We moved 3,000 kilometers away from the system that was stifling me, and that distance I felt like I could breathe, just like I could breathe with my looser clothing, I could breathe out in Alberta, and I was like, wow, I I didn't realize how much the energy, not only because I live in like I think there's like 10 million people in this like Toronto area, I think, and the energy here is very buzzy, it's very like I don't know, like a logo. Yeah, okay, yeah. And and then being out there, it's so in it's a town of 25,000 people, and I could finally breathe, and everyone is so carefree, and the energy is because it was like a vacation town, so everyone was in good moods, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I I finally realized when I was out there, like, oh, this system that I grew up in is the problem. Subscribing to the system is the problem. But then I was like, well, how do I know what to do? How do I know what I want? How how how do I go about life now? Knowing that what I had isn't aligned for me, how do I build going forward? And I spent a lot of time reading and like playing video games because I I felt almost stuck because I was like, I know who I was isn't right, and I didn't know how to listen to myself. And I didn't, I had learned that was another piece. I learned human design in 2021, and that really broke me open too, because my human design wasn't in alignment with who I was living, but everything about it resonated with my soul. Like my soul was like, those are all the things I want, those are all the things that I've thought I wanted that I've never been allowed to want or to do.

Kena:

Oh, wow, yeah.

Karolina:

And then being out in Alberta, I was finally able to like, all right, how can I be this person and live as this design that I came here to be? And then that's around the time when I had my spiritual awakening. But but before that, it was a bunch of synchronicities that led to that because I lost one of my best friends. He died suddenly. He didn't know he had cancer, and he went in with a stomachache to the hospital and they misdiagnosed him because he was 38. They were like, It's probably IBS, go home. It was not IBS. He went back a month later and he died the next day. And oh wow, yeah, that might be super shocking. It was. He didn't get to say goodbye to anybody, he didn't know he was sick. We didn't know he was like, nobody knew, and he was just gone. And it's it, it was it was so jarring to to lose someone that I had known for 20 years who'd been one of my best friends. Like, I even asked him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and he was like, No, I just let your dad do it. I I don't want to get involved. And I was like, All right, well, like I'd rather have you do it, it'll be more fun. Well, yeah, but anyway, I lost him and then my body tensed up and I was in such extreme physical pain. And I went, I did everything. I went to physio, I went to the chiropractor, I did massage, I was doing, and then my therapist recommended doing something called craniosacral therapy. And the woman that I met to do that, she was so intuitive and she opened me up in a lot of ways because craniosacral deals with your energy. And yeah, and she was very intuitive. I miss her so much because she's still in Alberta and I'm back in Ontario. But but she said to me, Have you ever tried chanting? Now, of all the things I've tried, and you'd think as a music person, I would have tried, I've never tried that. I did meditation, I did I did vision boards, I did tapping, I did, I did all those things, and I never tried chanting, and I don't know why. And so she said that, and I was in so much pain, I was like, I will try anything. And so I bought a book on sound therapy for beginners because the reviews said that there was chanting in there, okay, and yeah, and it was Lionsgate Portal in 2023, and I did a chakra vocal toning because I was reading through the book and I was like, wow, this is so cool. And I sat there and I did this vocal toning and I felt my energy blocked at my throat, like the energy was swirling everywhere below, but it wouldn't come up like to the to the throat and above chakras.

Kena:

Yeah.

Karolina:

But my therapist, she it was somatic psychotherapy, and she was teaching me how to tap into the energy layer that's just outside of your skin. And so when the energy was blocked, I tapped into that, and every that's when the awakening happened. I was pulled out of my body, I felt the energy whooshing all around, all the chakras were lit up, everything was whooshing around. I get so emotional talking about it, and then my body multiplied, and there was six of me, and we were all holding hands in this like circle, and then this phoenix rose from the middle, and I didn't know what that meant, but it was so cool because I felt so connected and I felt so limitless and so expansive, but I had no idea what it meant, but it made me feel that there was something so much bigger, and like everything shifted in that moment because I was it while I was doing that, I was like, I have to do sound therapy, I have to help people with this, the way this has expanded me. And then so from that moment, there was more to learn from that. But what I took from that moment was I need to sound therapy, is what I need to do. It's my musical, spiritual gift. And I found a woman who was teaching an in-person class within the next month, synchronicities, everything lined up. Like my friend died in July, this thing happened in August, my training started in September. It was all like it all lined up. I did my training. I'm at this in-person training doing my first sound bath. And the instructor kept interrupting me because she's like, You're doing such a great job. Oh my gosh, your skill is is on par with mine, and I've been doing this for 15 years. And I was like, Yeah, because I'm meant to be doing this. I'm like, I was told to do this. Like, yeah, that's that's what I got from that moment. And and so I I but then I did a sound bath in December that year, and a woman got triggered by my ocean drum because she had lived through a hurricane, and I felt so much anxiety because yeah, because I have an open emotional center in human design, so everybody's emotions I feel 10 times stronger than they do. And so this woman was triggered, and I was so anxious, and then I was like, I don't know if I can help people the way they need if I'm getting overrun. Because it took me like two weeks to feel better after that, and so I was like, So I paused my sound stuff to try and I didn't know what to do to try and help with my emotions and everything so that I can help people, and then I hadn't done anything yet, and then in May 2024, my then husband left, he moved his stuff out in the middle of the night and said, He came back in the morning and said, I'm leaving you out of nowhere. I didn't even know he was unhappy. He oh my god, yeah, he just left. Yeah, and so I didn't have my business, and then I didn't have a husband, and I was in Alberta away from everybody that I knew. And well, I have one friend in in Alberta, but I I was away from everything, and I had blown up my whole life. I took myself off social media because I was like, that doesn't feel good. So, like, I didn't have contact with anybody, I went no contact with my parents, like I was just Just like I was trying to figure out what life's gonna look like, and and how I did that was pushing everything away so that I could connect to myself. Little did I know that that's what the awakening was showing me. The six of me, I know now the six of me is the six layers of our being. It's like body, mind, soul, energy, emotions, and then your connection to source. That's the six that why was that's the six that I was holding hands with, and now my practice every day to tune into me, to tune into my confidence, to tune into my energy. I can have a sound bath now and I can ask myself, is this mine? And if I know it's not mine, because I I feel into myself and I know, okay, that's not mine, I can let it go and I don't feel overrun by people's emotions anymore. And so it took a long time, but now 2025, I I can tune into those six layers in like 10 minutes, and I feel so expansive and so big, and I know now that I don't need to know where I'm going as long as I can tap into my six layers, all the answers will come and they come from action. And my when I tune in, I know what the right action is because I know what I'm feeling because I've created this connection with myself. Because what we don't learn our whole life when we're looking outside of ourselves is how do you connect to yourself? So it's more than what do you want? It's it what feels right, what resonates, what is yeah, and so it's your soul scrolling exactly. My soul, when I first started tapping into my soul, my soul was like the size of a raindrop. It was so small and it was it was buried deep inside because it I did, I don't want to blame myself, but I don't want to blame other people. But like my soul didn't get to live because every time I want to do art and music and drama. No, you can't. And so every time my soul got compressed and compressed and compressed. But now that I've tapped into it more, my soul is like bigger than my body every time I tap into it. Now she's glowing, she's on fire, she's out there. And like all I did was build a relationship with her, like becoming her best friend, like you were saying, becoming your own best friend. All I'm doing is building that relationship, and all you got to do is get curious. I'm like, hi, soul, where are you today? Like, and just sitting with her. You don't have to do anything, it's the simplest process.

Kena:

Yeah, but as you said, I mean, we have been told to always ask something outside of us because we were supposed to follow everything that we were told to do. Yeah, they never told us, hey, take a breath. What is it in there? Yeah, right, yeah. Because again, the the system is not made like that, so they can manipulate us. Yeah, and they and they done it, they I mean, they've done a pretty fucking good job. Yeah, I'm so glad we're out of there. Yeah, after a few decades when we're out of it, yeah. And and I want to come back to what you said about that the universe doesn't test us because yeah, I don't see it that way. I think I probably saw it that way before when I was playing into the victimhood, and you know, like, oh, everything is happening to me and not for me, which I already shifted, right? Yeah, but when yeah, it's not about testing, it's about the growth and evolution as human beings, yeah. And I mean, we're eight billion people, each of us we have our journeys, a lot of them they are similar to others, of course, but at the end, each of them they are unique, yeah. So it's about welcoming those experiences in life, which are the ones that make us grow and take us to where we are now to know who the fuck we are at this moment, yeah. And I I don't know. I want to assume if I can put it that way, that the transition of your friend some so suddenly it probably will cut something on you. At least that's what happened to me with my father. Yeah, in five, I mean, he had a stroke five days in the hospital, gone. Wow. So that's the thing. It's life is unexpected, everything is it's unknown. But I think through the processes that being true and really knowing who we are and getting into peace to that beautiful peace that is connecting with our souls and being guided, allowing ourselves to be guided. That's how we can go through with ease and flow, despite when you know the loss of a dear one happens, when somebody left, like in your case, mine was a separation, then a divorce. Because this is part of the journey, we're always going through different things. Yeah, it's it's never going to stop. Yeah, but I do believe that the more connected we are with then, the more connected we are with our soul, with that guidance, with source. It's easier to navigate. Yes, to navigate these ups and downs in life because they're gonna continue to be there, exactly.

Karolina:

And it's like your anchor, you can always come back to you. You are the only one that you wake up with every single day of your life, and if you don't have a relationship with you, how are you supposed to even try to navigate your life? Like it's you're you're literally your own compass, and there's this gold mine within that when we can just all we gotta do is create a relationship, and then you know, and then you have all that abundance is here. There's nothing outside of you that you need, it's all right here.

Kena:

Everything is within, yeah, yeah, yes, true. And we oh, you got me so excited when you told gold mined. I just felt like my my shift and my heart expanded because that's true. The gold mine is within us, yeah, it's about nurturing it, listening to it, put attention to it, yeah.

Karolina:

Like I could be sad, and I get sad sometimes when I think my friend's not here, and I go visit his grave now that I'm here, because he's in Ontario and I couldn't see him when I was in Alberta, but but I think it's his life was a blessing, and what I got from his passing is that life is short, you never know when you're gonna go. So make the most of every fucking day because you only have right now. And we have, yeah, and people can tell you that, but until you experience it, you don't realize like how powerful it is to just live for today. Cause like we only have this moment, like you don't know what's gonna happen. Life is so there's control is the biggest joke, like planning for retirement. My friend couldn't plan for retirement. What's the point? You know, like we we worry about these things, like I want to worry about what makes me happy right now.

Kena:

Yes, yeah, oh yeah, I'm so agree with you. I have a friend that I mean, she works for the government, so you know she has all the support and benefits and da-da-da. And again, like, yeah, like we're good, you know, we're for retirement. I was like, Are you kidding me? It's like, no, I choose my freedom, that's when I became a digital nomad. Do I have money for the retirement? No, I don't at this moment, eventually, because I'm like you, I'm aiming to be rich as fuck. So whenever that arrives, then I'm gonna think about it. But for now, I'm living life. I'm not gonna held my hold myself back to a future that I don't know if it's gonna arrive. Exactly to enjoy the present.

Karolina:

Yeah, something else I learned over the past five years is that the universe always provides any time where I didn't think there was enough money, money came from nowhere. I have always been supported, I've been choosing my joy, and I have been I quit my job with the pension, and I've always been supported. And it's taken me a while to get to this place and to like launch my business and do my stuff because life be life and but like I have always been supported, and so like this whole thing about worrying about planning for finances and stuff, I'm always supported, it's gonna be fine. I believe that it's gonna be fine, and when you believe, when you have those beliefs, the universe matches that.

Kena:

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I'm so with you at this moment, like in a in a path of uh of so much trust and surrender at the same time, because of course the mind and the you know our biology coming like come on, we need to survive. It's like, no, it's okay. I hear you, but I choose to surrender, I'm allowing, and I trust, and it's gonna it's going to flow, as you said. Yeah, we're always supported. Also happened with me because I separated in 2020, and uh then I rented an apartment. Thanks to the abundance of my friends. Like again, I always was supported, like half of the stuff that I have in this apartment is was for it was given for one of my friends. She moved in with a boyfriend. I was like, and I moved to her place for a couple of months before renting this apartment. And she was like, No, you can't stay there. I mean, the the rent is paid. And I was like, no, at least I want to pay one month. Come on, you know. It's like, you know, but then she was like, So this is the things I'm taking from my apartment. The rest, you can take it or you can sell it or do whatever you want with it. Wow. I was like, wow, like we're always we're always supported. That's so true. I mean, the abundance is always there, it's about welcoming it in whatever way it is.

Karolina:

That's the thing, right? You can't you can't say you want abundance and then limit how it's gonna come in. You gotta open yourself up to any possibility. That's the thing. It's like I wanted happiness and joy and freedom, I needed divorce for that. Like I wanted to be this 2.0 version of myself, I needed divorce for that. I couldn't have got to this place I'm in right now without that. And we can't limit and restrict and hang on to that thing that we think, like marriage, like, oh, I gotta be with him forever. Well, nope, nope, no thanks, unsubscribe. Like that. Yeah, I love that absolutely right.

Kena:

Unsubscribe the happily ever after can happen just within ourselves, with ourselves, and that's a cool part. One, we are happy ever after with our own. Yes, oh, we get to expand all that joy and love with other people, exactly.

Karolina:

Yeah, I'm so much, so much happier now than I was ever in my life. Yeah, even the day I met the Backstreet Boys, that was a great day, but I'm happier now.

Kena:

Oh wow, yeah. Oh no, it's true that uh it's a great place to be. It's a great place to be, but it it's about realizing that we went through a lot of fucking shit the last year.

Karolina:

Yeah, yeah, and that's the thing. It is the process, it's the process, it's the small steps that you don't realize make a huge difference. The way you talk to yourself, the way you dress, the way you show up, the way you restrict yourself, that surrender and letting go. I actually went to Canada's Wonderland last week and I practiced surrender and letting go because I was like, this is the perfect roller coasters, is the perfect way to practice surrender and letting go. Because I would always go on the big ones and white knuckle the handles, and I was like, I'm gonna put my hands up. I'm practicing surrender. I trust that I'm gonna get back safely, and I did. I put my hands up and it was so scary, but I did it, and guess what? I'm alive. The roller coaster got me safely back to the to the whatever it's called, and then I got out and I walked away, and it was fine, and like trusting that it's gonna unfold exactly how it's meant to.

Kena:

Yeah, you know what? You're making me think I love rock climbing, so I started doing it this year again. So I go two or three times per week, and now that you're saying about letting go, I was thinking about it the other day, and I think that one of the things that I love is just when I get to the top, I usually look down. I love seeing all the walls with the different colors and the rocks and the whole thing, but being in there, and then it's like just doing that, let go and stuff, just letting myself going down, yeah. And I feel so freaking good, yeah. And I think it has helped me a lot to lose a lot of fear for other things, yes, because everything is intertwined, right?

Karolina:

So yeah, yeah. I think I would encourage the listeners to find that thing, whether it's roller coasters, rock climbing, skydiving, bungee jumping, like it doesn't have to be extreme, but like finding a way that you can practice surrender and letting go. It just I think that signals to the universe that you're ready to receive. Oh, and that you're stepping into this new identity of someone who is welcoming this abundance and possibilities in their life, and like that's definitely something I've learned and embodied in practice because of all the shit and all the little stuff. This is just one little thing you can do.

Kena:

Yeah, that's true. Thank you for that invitation. Yeah, awesome. You know, coming back to what you just mentioned, identities, I think that's we're so attached to our identities that I believe that's why sometimes we want to keep the people pleaser because if we let it go, our identity is gonna shift, and then the other people around us are not gonna like it because it's not convenient for them, right? Well, that's one the people pleaser, but also I mean, after decades of thinking the same things, having the same patterns and beliefs and programs and following the whole thing, I I believe that that's why a lot of people struggle with when going into the healing process or when they want to improve something in themselves, or when the awakening is happening, and we think we're in a crisis, it's that push, right? It's I mean, we get a lot of fear, but I think that fear, what it really means is that push of the soul saying, It's time to expand. Yeah, it's time to expand.

Karolina:

Yeah, you're it I love the analogy of a plant. You go go to the the greenhouse and you buy a plant and it's in a small pot, and then eventually the roots grow so big that it doesn't fit in that pot anymore, and you got to put it into a bigger pot. But until you move it into the bigger pot, those roots are pushing up against the edge, and I think that's the fear. You're pushing up against the edge of your pot. That's your old identity, and now you need to be transplanted into a new pot so that you can grow more. And I think that's just and and the fear comes from the fear of the unknown. And I think all the all the people pleaser and like our old identity is just habits, and you can always change your habits, and once you realize that you're just operating out of habit on this old programming, it's easier to change it because it's it's just like picking up a new like exercise habit. You find something that brings you joy, you're gonna make it a new habit. Like you don't do it because someone tells you to. You tune in, you find out what brings you joy, like rock climbing, and you do it three times a week because it brings you joy, not because you think you have to, and then that's how you change your habits.

Kena:

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, and then I'm also coaching habits, so it does what I my mind now is like like you know, trying you thinking a lot of things at the same time. Because as you said, like I base everything in self-care, then I think self-care is one of the main things that we must do, not only as women, but as in men, we gotta take care of ourselves first to fill up our cups first, so we can give from a place of abundance and love instead of lack and resentment.

Karolina:

I like to use an analogy that we have two cups. Okay. This cup's for me, and this cup's for everybody else. Oh, and so yeah. So we're double fisting in life. And and this cup, yeah. So, like, I need to have enough room so that I can do my life. And does my other cup have enough water in it, or whatever liquid you want to drink to give to, you know, talking to you, or like going rock climbing, or going to the amusement park, or like walking the dog, or like this cup is every doing laundry, cooking food, like that's what the other cup is for. And this this is my self-care, this is my life juice.

Kena:

I love that analogy. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Because I mean, we usually say it's one cup and we give from the overflow, but if the overflow is already spilled, right? Oh, at least we at least we put another bigger pot under something like that. Yes, exactly. Yeah, so as you said, like so self-care basically is based in habits. And and the thing is, like a lot of people they struggle when they want to exercise, you know, do something new, or the thing is we each of us were different. We gotta tune into things that we enjoy. As you said, I do rock climbing now because I freaking enjoy it. Yeah, and at the same time, I'm exercising my body and I'm super present, and you know, all those little things that add up, and that's what it keeps calling me there. So it's about for the people who need to exercise, who want to move more, what it's calling you, what tunes you on so you know that thing can become a habit. Yeah, and that and that's the thing how we can put habits in life. It gotta be things that light us up, or also the idea of um habit stalking. So you do one thing so you can remember to then do the other thing, and then at one point it just becomes something, a bigger structure, but then you do a lot of things at the same time that can benefit you to live better and to fill up your cup.

Karolina:

Yeah, like I now have a speaker on the windowsill in the kitchen. So when I do dishes, because like who loves doing dishes? I always have a dance party while I'm in the kitchen doing dishes, and all of a sudden the dishes are done, and I'm just rocking out to like songs from the 2000s that I used to dance to in the club, and then it's like kitchen dance party, and everything gets done, and then it's so that's the stacking that I've once you find what works for you, then life is so much more enjoyable because it's like a party instead of I have to do this thing, and that's like shifting the words too, like, oh, I get to have a dance party now, like instead of like oh, I have to do the dishes, like yes, yeah, it's it's really the intention, right?

Kena:

Like how we approach things, yeah. You say about the dishes, yeah. Nobody, yeah, but I I don't enjoy doing dishes either, and I don't enjoy cleaning my my place either. But it what I do is I usually either I put a podcast, usually, or also listening to music. So then I'm in a good vibe and I'm not doing it because it feels like I have to do it. It's more like, oh yeah, it's feels and also I I actually tune into that's I also tune into my soul for that. It's like, what do you feel like doing today? Yeah, and sometimes it tells me, ah, what about doing the laundry today? And then I do the laundry in the meantime that I'm working and stuff, and it just flows and it doesn't feel as a task, yes, right? Yeah, but it's also tuning in to the soul for that, yeah, for something so simple, but it's gonna bring more ease and flow during the day.

Karolina:

Yeah. I don't know if this works for every type in human design, but I know as like generators and manifesting generators, because we have sacral authority lit up, if you can follow that that thread of like what do I want to do and feeling in, you can get a task done if you force yourself to do the checklist. It can take you like eight hours to get a bunch of stuff done. But when you're operating from alignment and you're moving from, ooh, this sounds like fun, you can get it done in an hour. This eight-hour task, you can get it done in an hour. Yeah. And so I've stopped living my life from I'm such, I'm not, I'm wow. I was about to say I'm such a list person. I'm not a list person anymore. I do what I think in the moment and I don't write it down because I'm just like, oh, I need a vacuum. Yes, I want to vacuum and I vacuum and it's done. And like, I don't make a list, I have to vacuum every week. I gotta this every week. I gotta do this. I don't do that anymore. I follow the flow of that's the thing. We have to remember too that life is flowing like water, and sometimes there's a big wave and sometimes there's not. Sometimes it's still, and and like if we move with the waves of life, that's when the best things can come because you're moving with it, you're not fighting against it.

Kena:

Yeah, and I want to put together to that the waves of life, but also it's about, and then more as women, go also with the flow of our menstrual cycle. I think that's super important, yeah. Like last week it was it was a kind of like a full week for me because I I was doing the uh karity and life experience that I offer, and then I started a new training, and I was like, okay, that's like enough, like you know. So I took myself besides having my period that also came at the same time. Oh my gosh. It was more like, yes, it was just like everything in there. I was like, okay, so I need to go more often, like for walks. I didn't went much to the I went to rock climbing, but it was until Sunday, so that the week was over because I know I was like, no, I want to honor my body how it is at this moment. And and yeah, and it also flowed. I had a great week, even though there was a lot of stuff happening, but by honoring my body and the cycle where I was in my moon and going with the flow of life at the same time, it's just you know, it's just going in a little boat and just let yourself float in there.

Karolina:

Yeah, it's that surrender to the waves of life, yeah, or the the waves of your individual life, yes, exactly. Yeah, because like that's the thing. I love astrology and I love all that stuff, but I don't think it necessarily always applies. If you're flowing with your life and Mercury's in retrograde, it doesn't always like affect everyone the same. And so like I stopped like, sure, I still follow those things, but I stopped worrying about them because if I feel good, my communication feels good, I'm not worried about it. Like, I don't gotta worry that Mercury's in rec retrograde, you know, like not letting that limit me. I'm flowing exactly, yeah, with exactly how I feel.

Kena:

Yeah, yeah. I also like reading those stuff just to know what's what's happening, but at the end, it's it's within us and in which where we are in life, as you said, at that moment. Because it's not gonna, it's not gonna be the same for you, for me, to the listener at this moment. We're at different stages in life, and it's about having just that awareness that kindness and compassion that we forgot a lot of times to have for ourselves.

Karolina:

Yeah, yeah, it's true. And one of the other things that I did actually to feel more empowered, I stopped reading self-help books and I started reading romantic books where written by women authors, and the women female characters are such badasses. I feel more like my 2.0 version because like this new identity of myself, because I'm so inspired and empowered by these women who are like kicking ass and taking names, and you don't get with the self-help books, you're still looking outside of yourself for those cues of what you need to do and how you need to behave and like analyzing your behavior, whereas like this is more like lived. And I finish reading a chapter and I'm like, yes, queen, let's go. And like seeing them do it, I'm like, I can do that too. I can go slay a dragon, like, let's go. Oh, I love that.

Kena:

Yeah, I think uh I don't know who it was for you, your experience, but I think we go, as you said, like when we go deep into the healing process at one point that when we probably remove like the thicker layers, there is a point that we have to just let go. As you said, stop reading self-help books and say, like, okay, because if we keep searching, we're gonna keep finding, that's for sure. I mean, nobody's perfect, we are not, and we can keep digging and digging, but I think there is a moment that we gotta say, okay, I've done the deepest work, I know who I am now. So, as you say, like just being open to see to the possibilities, because that's the cool with these novels, or you know, by having coaches or seeing other people, we know there's more possibility for us, right? So it's about saying, okay, I'm done, and then there's more possibility. Then it's like if I welcome those possibilities, then what else the universe is gonna bring us to keep moving forward, but not just being like, oh, I still need to heal, I still need to do this, you know, or that. I think at one point we can fall, or at least that was my experience. That at one point I felt like I fall into, oh no, I need to keep digging here and healing. At one point, I was like, I'm so freaking fed up with doing this, and I'm still doing it, you know. I'm suddenly doing something, and then a breakthrough came after listening to something, or by listening to a song that I have listened many times, and at that point something clicked, right? So, yeah, when we I think there's a point when we stop really searching or digging, but we're still gonna keep getting the signs to go through that process because our soul, it's if I mean, if we have that connection with the soul by allowing it to show me the magic, show me the miracles, show me what it is that you want me to see, having that willingness and openness, we're still gonna keep receiving those gifts. Yes.

Karolina:

And I think what was my I was gonna use the word problem, but I'm not a problem. Yeah, I don't know. Like, yeah, like obstacle, my my limiting belief, I guess, was that there was always something wrong with me and that I needed these books. I studied, I read all these books in the self-help world for 20 years, and I wasn't taking enough action in my life because there was like this disconnect of like believing there was something wrong with me, believing I needed to be fixed, believing that I didn't find the right tool. I need to find the right tool, it's not working. The right tool, you have everything you need inside of you. You just have to connect with yourself so. So that you can have that compass to tell you what the right things are and the right path is. And I I had this talk with my friend a couple of weeks ago because she's trying to think. She's like, Well, what do I need to do with my life? What do I, what do you think I should do? Da-da-da. And I said, You can't think your way through life. You have to live your way through life. You have, we're not human thinkings, we're human beings. We gotta be, we gotta do, we gotta like action is the way to move through life. And if we're gonna keep reading books, we're just sitting there, we're not actually living. We gotta like do and we gotta learn how to connect to our compass to be able to move through life in an aligned way. And you can't do that by looking outside of yourself because there's nothing wrong with you. You have all the answers inside of you, and then once you can believe that, then you can then that's when you can claim this new identity. That's when you can change your habits, that's when you can change your life. That's when you can any tool that you have suddenly clicks into place because you're realizing that you're the gold mine and you've got everything in here. You just gotta, you can just take it out from inside of you. There's nothing outside of you that you need, it's all in here.

Kena:

Yes, oh, that's so juicy. Uh yeah, because we can read as many books as we want, or listening to master classes, or you know, mentors, or being with mentors, but if we don't take the time to implement, yeah, nothing's gonna happen. Yeah, and I've seen some people I remember I went to a yoga studio for a long time, like for seven or eight years. And I would, I mean, I will see people there that I didn't see them advanced in their practice. It's like, yeah, you practice it, but you're not take going to the age, you know, really to implement a bit further so you can expand.

Karolina:

Yeah.

Kena:

And if we're just consuming information and if we don't integrate, if we don't take that action, we cannot expand, we cannot grow. Exactly.

Karolina:

Yeah, you're just checking off the list, you're not actually moving. The list is never gonna end. Yeah, throw away the list, yes, burn it. Oh my god, dance on the ashes, let's go.

Kena:

Oh, I love that. Oh wow. Did you study human design or did you just I mean, use it for your own?

Karolina:

I when I learned it, because like so I had done vision boards, the secret, the documentary The Secret, really got me into the self-help world that came out in 2004. I've seen that movie hundreds of times because every time I watched it, there was a new nugget that I didn't pick up. And it's all about manifestation, the law of attraction. And so, fast forward to 2021, I'm listening to a podcast, and someone on the podcast says, if you know what your arrows are in your human design, you learn what kind of manifester you are. And I'm like, hold the phone. We don't all manifest from vision boards, we don't all manifest the secret lied to me. We don't we don't put a picture of the kitchen we want, and the universe is gonna bring us that kitchen that doesn't work for all of us. No, it doesn't. And so when I learned that and I looked at my human design and I was like, I'm not that kind of manifestor. So I I actually have three books. I like I dove right. I actually got the textbook that the the organization who teaches human design, that's the textbook. Like I read through the textbook, I read through, yeah. I everyone I meet, I'm like, uh, when were you born? Do you know what time you were born? Can I can I look you up? Because like I got the paid version of the online human design stuff. I'm like, oh wow. My nephew is almost two years old when he was born. I'm like, what time was he born at? I got him in there. I look him up. I want to see, I want to see him flourish based on his design. I'm gonna I'm gonna encourage him to live by his design. And now that I'm here, I can do that. That's great. Imagine if we were girl like that.

Kena:

Yeah. We oh my god, yeah. I the world would be completely different. That's what right? Yes.

Karolina:

And like I I know a lot about human design, but I don't know enough to like coach someone or give a reading. I know enough that if I look at your chart, I can tell you what to look at, I can tell you what's important, I can tell you how it works. Okay. Um, but like I I I mean, maybe that's enough to give a reading. I don't know. I'd have to look through my books specifically to be like, what do these things mean? But also chat GPT works real well for that too. If you're like, hey, I'm this type and my arrows go in these directions, and I have these centers lit up, and these are my channels. He'll give you. I say he because I call him Chad, Chad GPT. Okay. Anyway, so so and you you give that information, you'll get a like a free reading.

Kena:

I don't know how like accurate it is, like, but no, I have my I had had mine too, and uh what I as you said, I mean, as you it really many things resonated. I'm a manifesting generator, one three, and I then I was like, Oh, this makes a lot of sense. That's what I jumped from one thing to another one, even though when sometimes I might not finished, but then at one point I put all those things together, it's like this is what you have, you know? Yeah, and I'm a lot into practicality, and that's the methodology that I based my stuff. It's like holistic self-care, body, mind, soul, and then let's do practices so you can, you know, get your shut together, and you know, yeah. So yeah, but yeah, when I when I learn about human design, and I know the basics, but just for that, it really opened not open, I guess it was kind of like the permission slip, like saying, Yeah, you are right, the way you are, you are right. You are not broken, you are not wrong. This is who you are, and allow it. And as you say, like also as you say where uh our authority comes from our sacral, so we really feel that excitement and that push, and we know what that when it comes from there, that's freaking true. Like the soul is like, hell yeah.

Karolina:

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you're right, it is a permission slip because it it really, especially as manifesting generators, because and with the three, because I also have a three where it's like you have to try, you have to do, and you don't have to finish because if you try and it doesn't light you up, you can let it go. But society doesn't work that way. Society says you have to follow through with what you start, you have to complete like everything that you do, but that doesn't work for us, and that's what leads us to burnout because it goes against how we're innately designed. And I think human design, learning your human design, that permission slip is the same as people getting diagnosis for like ADHD and autism and stuff because it's a permission slip. Yes, it is because it's like, oh, this is how I'm different, this is how I'm allowed to operate like this now. That is how I view human design. It's like this is how I operate. Like, you know, you can put a label on it if you want, but like I would rather call it a permission slip. This is this is how I'm built, and this is I'm allowed to move through life this way, done. And and and allowing your soul, like, okay, soul, this is what you're here for. Let's go. Yeah, let's like because what have you got to lose? You can always go back to who you were. Why not give it a try? Give it a try, living exactly how you're built.

Kena:

Yeah, but that's the thing you will not want to come back once you said, like, this is freaking me, and I've been struggling, and I've been dimming my life, and I've been, you know, again thinking that there's something wrong with me when there's nothing wrong with me. Exactly. And I love also that you are a three because oh, that's so I mean, those so fucking exciting because it's it's the person who really experienced that it speaks from their experience when they have already lived something, and and I think that we are here to serve people. Yeah, I mean the teachings that we do is because we have already been through those. Yeah, if we are guiding people, you know, if we're guiding souls for their awakening to live better lives, it's because we know there is a way to do it because we are living it, yeah, we have done it and we keep doing it.

Karolina:

Yeah, exactly. Right? Yeah, I'm actually a 3-6, and so apparently with the six, you live the first 30 years of your life as a three-three, and so yeah, you don't start developing the six until you've got that lived experience under your belt, and that's when after 30 years old, you're integrating into apparently there's like the six line is really weird where it's yeah, the first 30 years is like you're a three-three, and then for the next 20 years, it's like you're integrating the three that you've learned. But then once you're like 50, the six really comes out, and the six is the role model, and so like not only are you like sharing your lived experience, but then as that like role model like turns in, but anyway, the double threes really I had to do a lot. There was so much, like I gotta try things, yeah.

Kena:

Oh, okay. I'm a I want three, yeah. So I and I understand a lot the one is the investigator, yeah. So I really love like digging in into into into things, like and and that's one of the things the work that I do is because it's related a lot to the mind, and me knowing more about how the mind works is just such a gift. It's it's I mean, we get to understand ourselves so much because of that. Why why we have you know, or beliefs or programs, and then and how we act while we act is yeah, part is the mind, but then also when we understand the body is the subconscious mind, it's like whoa, you know, yeah. I love investigating and going yeah, deeper into things, and it's just just so much fun. That works for this show, yeah. Oh yeah. Oh my god, what a juicy conversation. I I I've been I I've been enjoying it a lot, you too. So you said at this moment you are in the best time of your life so far. Yeah. What is it? Can you tell us? Can you tell us more about that?

Karolina:

I feel like it really has to do with becoming my own best friend and loving my own company and getting to know all the things that light me up and choosing the things that bring me joy. And so every day I'm just having fun. And like I chose to start online dating again, and I'm just having fun. I'm coming at it from fun, and I'm having a blast, and everything about life is all about having a blast. I even put that in my online dating profile that my motto is if life's not fun, what's the point? Because like I I can't have I can't be with someone who's serious. I want to be with someone who actually wants to have fun with me in life. Like I like I said, I don't care about planning for retirement. I care about having fun. I know it's gonna be taken care of, so why worry about it? But I think that's why. Like on paper, you know, my business is not supporting me and like I'm living with my mom. And like, so on paper, it's like, oh, how are you, how are you okay? But like also, I struggled a lot with depression after my ex-husband left, and I had to go through this like dark night of the soul in order to get here, and I know what's on the other side, and I just like I don't know, I just I just love life and I just have so much fun, and I don't have fun all the time because you can't live at a 10 your whole like your whole existence. But like, but even when it's like, you know, I like I said, like I'm reading for fun, I'm not reading because I think there's something wrong with me, I'm reading because I enjoy it and it lights me up, and I'm in two book clubs and I can talk about the stuff I'm reading, and I have so much fun, and I'm doing new things like book club and stuff where I can meet new people and get out there because I'm living my three and I'm really honoring who I am. And that just makes life so much more enjoyable. And and all these little things are helping me claim this identity, and I'm living as this person that I know I'm meant to be, and I'm hearing things come out of my mouth, and I'm like, who said that? Because, like, that's not how I used to like say things, and and it's just happening because I'm just living it, I'm not thinking about it, I'm just doing it, and it's so cool. Like, I I walked into actually book club, and my one friend, and I spent so much time with her, she's one of my best friends, and I walked in, she's like, Ew, look who just showed up. I'm like, absolutely not. I will not allow you to talk like that to me. And she's like, I'm joking. I'm like, I don't care, I don't think it's funny. And then she tried to hug me. I'm like, absolutely not. And I went and sat down. I'm like, nope, like I'm not taking that energy. And I sat there and I was like, I started shaking. Like, but I think that's the nervous system integrating. That's like the somatic work. And my system was shaking, and I tuned back into myself because when I tune into those six layers, I feel so much peace. And I just tune back in. I'm like, I did the right thing, I'm proud of myself and everything I'm doing in life. I'm like, am I proud? It's the same as like I got a troll comment last week. And my only concern is what's gonna make me proud of my actions in this moment. And that's how I live all my life from. And I think that's why I'm so happy because I'm I I can at the end of the day have a celebration log and list so many. I'm so happy that I made this delicious coffee today. I'm just loving the little things and the big things. I'm so happy I was up till 1:30 in the morning talking to this new guy because it was fun and my cheeks hurt, like like little things to like bring me joy. And that's that's why I think life is great right now, and it doesn't have anything to do with the the checklist on paper because like I'm just loving life.

Kena:

Yeah, but that I think that's the point in life, enjoying it, yeah. You know, whatever whatever it is that it brings us, and then if we have that intentionality and that yeah, it's how we want to welcome it, yeah. Because there's always again, it's always gonna be shit, and there's always gonna be magic. It's like, okay, well, shit happens, okay, let's move to the magic, yeah, and then it's like a dance the whole day, yeah, it's really like that.

Karolina:

Yeah, one thing that I didn't love about moving back to this area was traffic because there's so like I said, there's so many people here, and I have to go to an appointment. And I used to think, oh no, am I gonna make it on time? And I started telling myself, I have lots of time, I have so much time, everything is everything's gonna be fine because I have so much time and I've never been late. And it's just shifting, like you're saying, like looking at the magic, that's the magic, trusting that everything's gonna be perfect, and I've never, I haven't had to worry about it. I'm not late. And so even when I notice myself rushing, like, I've got lots of time, got lots of time, because you're not thinking, I don't want to be late. You're thinking, I've got so much time, and it's that's that abundance, it just lines it all up for you. And like, I've never I've never been late for an appointment. It's just it just works out, and it's that belief that it's gonna work out, it's that belief that you deserve to be happy, it's that belief that like when you do that, you're supported, like you know, it's it's shifting the beliefs, and then that helps you step into your identity. If this you can you don't have to settle for what was handed to you in life.

Kena:

No, we don't have to settle, yes. We get to choose either, even when sometimes that choosing is not the best thing that we would like to, but it's those little micro shifts, micro movement that we can do that at one point is gonna add up. And I mean, we are here five years after losing a dear one, yeah, and having a divorce, and we're living our best lives, yeah, right? Yeah, just to say give me shields. So, yeah, it's it's about enjoying the journey the way it is, and then choosing then that magic because it's there, it's there, yeah, because the journey is gonna be what it is.

Karolina:

There's no point in trying to control it. We just like shift our belief, shift whatever meaning we give it. I saw this video today, and this guy said life, and he's not saying this from like a like a sad or a defeatist place, but he's like, Life has no meaning, life just is. We give it meaning. Yes, we get to decide. Does it mean I'm gonna like if if I'm stuck in traffic, does that mean I need to be stressed? Or can I turn on a song that I love and just enjoy the ride? Because yes, control is the biggest joke. Yes, like even if you think I can control what I wear, how do you know if you pull something out of the closet and a moth didn't put a hole in it? You know what I mean? Like you can't, you still have no control. Life is gonna life. So, like, yeah, release that. It's not serving you. Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it flow.

Kena:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the way it is. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, Carolina, for being here, Sweet. Thank you for oh my god. Oh, such a pleasure. And I would like to know. Well, you probably said it in a lot of words, but if you will come and summarize how you call this midlife chapter, the one you're living at this moment.

Karolina:

Freedom. Love it, yeah, love it, love it. Yeah, because like unsubscribing from all the rules that have were so constricting, and unsubscribing from control, and unsubscribing from all of it is just liberation, it's freedom. It's like finally I get to live.

Kena:

Yes, yes. And final question what is the pleasure of you that you enjoy the most?

Karolina:

I want to say like cuddling with the dog on the couch. That's nice. Yeah, like he'll get in, he'll cuddle, and he'll he'll just lean on me. And it just it, I don't know. I think we're co-regulating, it's so grounding, and it's just I just watch TV and pet him, and he just loves it. Yeah nice.

Kena:

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Oh, can you tell our listeners where they can find you?

Karolina:

Yeah, I spend a lot of time on Instagram at the inner soundcheck. So you can find me there.

Kena:

Okay, and your website is also the inner sound. Theinner soundcheck.com. Yeah.com. Okay, beautiful. I'm gonna put all that information in the in the show notes again. Such a pleasure having you here. What a wonderful conversation. I super enjoy it, and uh much love to you.

Karolina:

Thank you, YouTube.

Kena:

Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow wherever you're listening and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and leave enjoying growth and pleasure.

Podcasts we love

Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.

Inner Spark Artwork

Inner Spark

Casey Taton