#42 - Are You Done NOT Putting Yourself First?

You’ve spent years being the rock, the giver, the caretaker — the one who keeps it all together. But what happens when the woman holding everyone else up starts to crumble inside? 

 In this raw and liberating episode, Kena calls out the toxic myths that have kept midlife women small.

Through laughter, truth, and a few well-placed “fuck thats,” she flips the script: self-care isn’t indulgence — it’s sacred rebellion. You’ll learn how to fill your own cup first, release resentment, and reconnect to your soul’s whispers of peace, pleasure, and expansion.

By the end, you’ll remember what it feels like to give from overflow, not depletion.  Because when you choose you first, life starts flowing with more ease, joy, and freedom.

✨ In This Episode You’ll Learn

• The 5 myths that keep midlife women stuck in self-sacrifice
• Why choosing yourself first is an act of love, not selfishness
• How resentment fades when you give from a full cup
• The truth about slowing down and letting life support you
• A soulful practice to reconnect with your heart and soul

🦋 Reflection Questions

1. Where have I been abandoning myself in the name of being “good”?
2. What would shift if I believed that my needs are sacred, not selfish?
3. How can I fill my own cup today — even in one small, loving way?

If this lands, follow the show, leave a review to help more women find it. And share with me @midlifebutterfly on Instagram, what’s the 'fuck that' moment you're done with? 

Midlife empowerment podcast, healing journey for women, self-love and boundaries, spiritual awakening midlife, women reinvention after divorce, how to prioritize yourself, finding joy in midlife

- - - - -

Learn more about RESET, the Intimate Women's Retreat to pause, play & connect. From October 23-26 in the Laurentians, close to Montreal, Qc, Canada. Check the details and reserve your spot: https://midlifebutterfly.ca/resetretreat - Over 30% discount. DM for details!

If this story touched your heart, share it with another woman who’s navigating her own transition.

And if you’re ready to reconnect with yourself and create your next chapter with more freedom, joy, and alignment, join me on Instagram @midlifebutterfly
or explore The Butterfly Path coaching journey.

Download the Midlife Butterfly Guide with 5 Radical Practices to Heal, Take Your Power Back & Rise

Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Chapters

• 0:00 You First: The Wake-Up Call
• 1:42 Host’s Story Of Caretaking Burnout
• 3:40 Choosing Joy And Ending Resentment
• 4:50 Myth 1: Self-Priority Is Selfish
• 6:05 Myth 2: Everyone Else Comes First
• 8:13 Myth 3: I’ll Wait Until Life Calms
• 9:45 Myth 4: Be Grateful, Don’t Want More
• 11:10 Myth 5: Worth Equals Giving Or Doing
• 13:00 Overflow, Not Leftovers
• 14:10 Breath, Heart, And Soul Practice
• 16:20 Journal Prompts And Daily Micro-Step
• 17:55 Save The Date: First You Experience
• 19:20 Closing Energy And Community Invite
• 21:16 Follow, Review, And Connect

Transcript

Kena Siu: 0:00

If you spend most of your life putting everyone else first, your kids, your partner, your parents, your career, well, this is your wake-up call, women. Because nobody's handing you permission to go first. Nobody will, so you gotta go and take it. You first, not your to-do list, not their feelings, you. So fuck that. You first. And this isn't about ego, it's about energy. Because when you finally choose yourself, you stop living from leftovers and start giving from overflow. Midlife butterfly, a woman in the sacred in-between. She's not who she once was, and not quite who she's becoming yet. She's unraveling, awakening, remembering. She's navigating life transitions, divorce, loss, impatient, and moods, with a burning desire for freedom, joy, and souled living. She feels the pull to rise, to fly. She's no longer afraid of her own wings. Welcome back to the Mid Life Butterfly Podcast. This is Ken Assyou, your host. And yeah, I know this is a hard truth, but we gotta speak it up. I mean, you first. That's it. That's it, that's all. And I'm gonna tell you something. In my last partnership, in the relationship that I have for 10 years, at one point, I mean, in the last years, it was really like draining. And I noticed that I was spending a lot of energy and putting a lot of you know mental load and uh you know, organizing, planning, nuturing, and you know, taking care of the relationship. I'm not saying he was not doing anything, he was doing his part, but then but the truth is I realized I became his mom. I mean, I literally become the mom of my husband, taking care of like saying you know, you're spending too much money in your vices or this, that, you know, until I mean we chose not to have kids, and I was literally taking care of a grown-up man. And the thing is, I mean, I became his caregiver, he was not my partner anymore. I was so freaking exhausted, and at the end, I mean, I felt resentful, we were disconnected, and we literally felt you know out of touch. Not only for this, there were other situations. I mean, it's a marriage, both of us we have our own parts, but this is one moment when I was like, fuck that, like I'm done, and I realized I gotta prioritize myself. That's the thing. I am the creator of my joy, and I noticed that I felt into a plateau, and there was no more joy, no more magic, and I chose me. I started honoring myself. Yeah, it took me a while to realize that because it's not easy, and I'm gonna tell you what it's not easy because I'm gonna talk about five myths here, you know, to just break up this paradigm of us thinking that we need to be the good woman all the time, you know. So let's be real and I'm just freaking call it out here. And the first myth, and I think you I mean, all of them you have heard about it. I just want you to hear them again, just to finally like put it out there because I'm so fucking fed up of it, and you probably are too. Probably in your silence, probably your soul is freaking screaming it out, but no, you need to be the good woman. So I'm not gonna say anything and just follow the fucking rules. So, no, please, please stop doing that. Please stop the self-sacrifice and start the self-honouring because you deserve it. Okay, so he goes myth number one: prioritizing yourself is selfish. Is it really? I believe it's sacred. Because we come here alone as individuals, and we're gonna live here alone as individuals. The thing is, we gotta fill, you gotta fill up your cup first. Why? From a full cup, you can give from love and abundance. When you don't have a full cup, you give from guilt, from lack, and then you feel resentment to others, don't you? So don't blame them. It's up to you to prioritize yourself, you know, and then besides, if someone is telling you, oh, you are selfish, selfish because you know their demands are the ones who you're supposed to prioritize, then who's really the selfish one? Just answer that question. Myth number two, everyone else should come here first. Kids, partners, parents, work. Fact that. Be done with being the last in the list. As women, especially, we were raised this way. To believe that we have to be the last ones because then we are got the good ones. But again, if you keep pouring from an empty cup, everyone ends up thirsty. Because if you are not good, if you don't feel good, if your well-being and your health is not good, that's reflecting in everyone else. Are you getting it here? I hope you're following me, because I know it's it's it's something hard to understand, but that's the thing. When you are good, when you are feeling good, that ripple effect is gonna follow. And the same is vice versa. If you are not doing well, if your health is not good, if you're in a bad mood, tired, and you know, with resentment and frustration, that ripple effect will also go to the people around you. So, again, you first. Myth number three. I'll focus on me when things settle down. This is such a bullshit. Things will never settle down. Every time we're living at such a speed, life is getting even faster. It will never settle down. Because there's always gonna be another demand, another crisis, another person who's gonna need you. And when are you gonna take the moment to choose yourself? Because that's the only moment that you're gonna get your own peace when you start choosing yourself. You only you, you have that power. You have it. Myth number four: I should be grateful for what I have. Who am I to want more? You are a beautiful human being who comes from the creator, from the divine that is infinite. So, why the hell would you think that you don't deserve more? Why were you doing that? It doesn't make sense, isn't it? And that's why my voice breaks, because we feel ashamed to ask for more. Yes, we feel grateful. We feel grateful for what we have, but at the same time, it's like, oh, why should I desire more? Because you're a human being and you come in here to live this human experience, and we want to expand, we want to grow, we want to have adventures, we want to spend money, we want to have beautiful moments with our dear ones and travel to places. Fucking own it, you want more. The thing is, we are such a givers. More, you as a woman, you are such a giver that we are so bad at receiving, and that's the thing we gotta learn to receive. That's the only way you can generate more abundance in your life, otherwise, you're blocking it. So it's up to you. You first, yes, be grateful and yes, want more, and yes, be ready to receive it all because the creator, universe, the divine God is here for you to give you whatever the fuck you want, because you deserve it, you are worthy of it, and it comes to me. Number five, my worth comes from how much I give or achieve. No, no, no, no, no, no. You are worthy just by being just that's it, you are existing, and that's your worth. That's it. So yeah, we believe that no, I gotta do this. I wanna help people, I gotta serve, take care of everyone else first to gain your worth, or you have to achieve things to gain your worth? No, you are a human being, not a human doing. So you are worthy just by existing, and you don't have to give or achieve anything or create anything or nothing or nobody you're worthy, know that. And if you don't believe me, just take a moment to connect with your heart, take a moment to listen to your soul, and then you'll tell me otherwise. And I'm telling you to connect to your heart or your soul, not to your mind, because the mind is the one that is programmed, it's the one that is conditioned. So, yeah. First, you isn't about being selfish, it's about being so full of your own love, of your own truth, your own energy, that everything you give comes from overflow. Remember, I told you before to fill up your cup? Yes, it comes from that overflow of taking care of you first to live from love, from abundance, no more lack and resentment. It's about coming home to yourself again and again because being you first, it's about self-care. It's about habits that nurture you. It's about speaking your truth, it's about prioritizing yourself, it's about pleasing yourself before pleasing others. Let go of the sacrifice, let go of giving it all. Honor yourself, please yourself because do you know what? You don't need permission to choose you, that's a permission granted. You need to remember that you are allowed, you are fucking allowed to be first. If you are able to close your eyes, I invite you to do so. If you are driving or doing something else that it needs your attention, just keep listening and you can do this practice later on, okay? So, right now I invite you to take a deep breath with me, breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth, breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth, and softening your heart, your beautiful heart that is beating there for you 24-7, and you don't have to do anything about it. So feel its beat, feel it, and from there connect with your soul. It is there, it is there and listen to her whisper. What does she need today? Is it peace, stillness, rest? Maybe she needs to process an emotion. Allow yourself that answer to flow through you. It comes from your heart, from your soul. It doesn't come from your mind. It's not about the mind at this moment. I probably you already have the answer, you already receive it. Or probably you're gonna receive it later. So just be aware of the signs around you. It's as simple as this to put yourself first. It's as simple as connecting to your soul, to your heart by noticing your breath and your heartbeat. And if you have the time now, I invite you to journal on this. What is it that I need that I desire? And after you write about this, what is a small step towards that that you can take today? Just one. And remember that every time you choose you, you shift your reality because you are that creator. It's up to you when you put yourself first, you can live with more ease and flow. So choose one thing to do just for yourself every single day. Something that fills up your cup. And please, the enemy, your biggest fuck that moment. Share it to me on Instagram, midlife butterfly, because I want to celebrate you. I would love to do that. Yeah, this is it should not, but it's actually revolutionary, just to say fuck that. First you. Yes. And I want to invite you to save the date because from November 19th to 21st, I'm gonna be given uh first you, a three-day homecoming experience. So just save the date. I'm gonna be sharing more details soon. Because it's time to remember who the hell you are, my dear, and reconnect with her. Yes, you first, always. Always. Thank you so much for listening. It is a pleasure. Oh my god, this was so freaking juicy and exciting to share with you. I danced like a few songs before starting this, and I just felt that energy of pleasure and power to come and share this with you. Because everything starts first with you, and that's the energy that I want to give you. And because from that, you that it can feel this empowered and energized and loving and exciting, as you can, you know, hear me now, you can create that in your life, you can by choosing yourself first every time, and believe me, people are going to notice it and they would like to know more about it, and then all these myths that we talked about it before, you will realize that yeah, they are only myths. That's not true. Because first, it's you. Much love to you and have a wonderful, wonderful day. Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow whatever you're listening and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and leave enjoy growth and play.