#47 - The Root of Your Boundaries: Healing the Patterns That Hold You Back

When the holidays arrive… does your body tighten before your mind even catches up? 

 You’re not crazy, you’re intuitive. And your body has been whispering the truth long before you learned how to listen.

 In this short and potent episode, we explore the root of your boundaries — not the surface “say no” version, but the deeper identity wounds, people-pleasing patterns, and protective mechanisms your nervous system created to keep you safe.

This is where midlife empowerment truly begins: in understanding why you react the way you do… and choosing something different.

 You’ll hear why gatherings can trigger contraction, how inherited wounds shape your limits, and what shifts the moment you set boundaries from self-awareness rather than fear.

If you’re navigating midlife reinvention, healing your inner child, or craving grounded self-trust, this episode is your gentle wake-up call.

✨ In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• How your body signals boundary violations before your mind does.
• Why old wounds and identity patterns shape the way you set (or avoid) limits.
• What happens when people-pleasing becomes your automatic survival mode.
• How awareness helps you shift from reacting to choosing with intention.
• The truth about setting boundaries as a midlife woman in healing and reinvention.

🦋 Reflection Questions (3)

1. Where does your body tighten or contract when you’re about to betray your own needs?
2. What identity are you still protecting — the good girl, the peacemaker, the responsible one?
3. Who do you become when you set boundaries that honour your truth, not your fear?

* * * * *

✨ First You: Boundaries for Joyful Holidays

The holidays don’t have to drain you. Step into a space where your peace comes first, your energy is protected, and your joy gets to lead.

Inside this on-demand masterclass, you’ll learn how to create loving, guilt-free boundaries that keep you grounded, present, and actually enjoying the season — without overgiving, overextending, or abandoning yourself.

- Watch the Masterclass: http://midlifebutterfly.ca/firstyoumasterclass

Song: Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome To Midlife Butterfly
• 0:28 The Root Of Boundaries
• 0:49 Your Body’s Danger Signals
• 2:11 Why Boundaries Matter
• 3:27 Identity, Wounds, And Limits
• 4:32 People Pleasing And Healing
• 5:44 Closing And Ways To Connect

Transcript

Kena Siu: 0:00

Welcome beautiful soul. This is Midlife Butterfly, the space where you remember who you truly are beneath all the roles, responsibilities, and expectations. I'm your empowerment guide, Ken a Siu, and I hold this space for women in midlife who are ready to rediscover themselves, reclaim their joy, and live fully aligned. If you are new here, welcome to our cocoon. You just entered a place where choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's sacred. In today's episode, we are going to speak about the root of your boundaries. It's a sweet and short episode, and if you want to be ready to set boundaries this holiday season and beyond, I invite you to watch the masterclass Boundaries for Joyful Holidays. The link is in the show notes. So take a deep breath, drop into your heart, and let's dive in. Have you ever noticed how your body reacts when you know you're gonna have a family gathering? Because your body is the one telling you danger, danger. Or this is not good, right? So since holiday season is coming, either even when we might want to connect with family or not, sometimes we have to have the shoes. I mean, we get to shoes at the same time, but it's also about being prepared for those events because they are going to happen. And it's up to you when you are in the presence of other people, if you want to be more open and at ease instead of feeling that contraction, and you know, so you don't want to allow what's going on there. Because what happens is if your body is saying danger, danger, is because it's trying to protect itself, right? And that's why it's very important to put boundaries during this time. Well, not in this time, at all times, but in this case during this season, because I think is when we gather with family and close friends more often, and those triggers, those coping mechanisms mechanisms that we have to protect ourselves or to give in into others, to fit in, to be loved, whatever, how we then behave and how that affects at the end the way we feel, the way we perceive ourselves, and yeah. So why boundaries are important, it's because you are the one putting the limit. It's not the other person that is up to you to put a limit, to put to set a standard according to who you are, according to what you want in life, according to your personality. The thing is, that personality, that identity of you, if it's not healed yet, meaning healed in the way of as human beings, once we come here and even before we are carrying with wounds and trauma that doesn't belong to us and other one and others, yeah, we do have them during this life experience. So it's about what are they because based on those is how you are setting boundaries or not. That's the truth. That's the truth. So my invitation for you is to notice from where you are setting boundaries or you are not setting boundaries. And something that is very common is the people pleaser. That's the easier way for you to figure it out. Because from that place, you know, if you start noticing why you are acting from there, you might find what is that wound, that cop coping mechanism coming from because once you put attention to it, once you you heal it, you solve it, or at least you have that awareness, it's gonna be easier for you then to recognize your patterns and your beliefs based on that, and then from then on set a different boundary because you know a little bit more about you, you have more awareness of who you are, and that's what how you can start shifting your life. Thank you for tuning in to Midlife Butterfly. I hope this episode empowers you in some way. Share the love by hitting follow whatever you're listening and leave a review if you feel inspired. I also love to connect with you. Come say hi on Instagram at Midlife Butterfly. I love to know you. Until next time, keep spreading those wings and live enjoying growth and pleasure.