Midlife Butterfly: Stop Self-Abandoning & People Pleasing by Healing Your Nervous System — Feel Alive Again

#63 - From Self-Abandonment To Full Remembrance with Kimber Hardick

• Kena Siu • Episode 63

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0:00 | 33:49

Have you ever caught yourself telling the same story about your life — the one where you stayed too long, gave too much, and kept waiting for things to change? 

In Part 2 of this rich conversation, Kena and Kimber Hardick go into the layers of self-abandonment most women never name: the stories we carry like gospel, the desires we’ve quietly buried, and what it really means to choose yourself — not someday, but now.

 

🦋 You’ll Discover:

  • Why so many high-achieving women feel invisible in midlife — and why the real invisibility is the one happening inside, not around you.
  • How the stories you’ve been holding as gospel may be keeping you locked in exhaustion, self-sacrifice, and waiting for permission that will never come.
  • What it actually feels like to choose yourself without apology — and why reconnecting with your desires, your emotions, and your body is the doorway back to you.

 

💜 Coming Home Question:

Where are you still waiting for permission to choose yourself — and what becomes possible the moment you stop waiting?


✨ Where to Find Kimber


💜 I created Coming HOME for the woman who has done everything right and still feels something is missing. It's free, it's private, and it might be the most important thing you listen to this year — sign up here!

🦋 Midlife Butterfly is a podcast for high-achieving midlife women navigating emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, self-abandonment, nervous system healing, identity shifts, and midlife awakening. Hosted by Kena Siu, Identity & Embodiment Guide.

Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Website: midlifebutterfly.ca

Music: Back Home by Alex Productions and  Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

[00:00:00] Kena Siu: What if the story you've been telling about your life isn't true, and the moment you stop repeating it is the moment you finally come home to yourself? 

[00:00:10] Kena Siu: In this second part of my conversation with Kimber Hardick, we go into the deeper layers of midlife transformation, the ones that ask you to stop blaming, stop shrinking, and take radical ownership of your life. From rewiring old narratives to reclaiming your desires, your voice, and your truth.

[00:00:30] Welcome to Midlife Butterfly, for the high-achieving woman in midlife who has spent years showing up for everyone except herself. This podcast is where emotional exhaustion meets nervous system healing and where people-pleasing gives way to self-remembrance. I am Kenna, your identity and embodiment guide.

[00:00:55] Because I know you are doing the inner work, it's time to settle that [00:01:00] wisdom from your mind into your body so you can feel alive again.

[00:01:09] In this episode, you will discover why so many high-achieving women feel invisible in midlife, and why the real invisibility is the one happening inside, not around you. How the stories you've been holding as gospel may be keeping you locked in exhaustion, self-sacrifice, and waiting for permission that will never come, and what it actually feels like to choose yourself without apology and why reconnecting with your desires, your emotions, and your body is the doorway back home

[00:01:45] Kena Siu: This is where the real shift happens. Coming back to that remembrance that we were talking at the beginning, is that, is then noticing that power and use it, 'cause we have [00:02:00]that power as women. We have it as more like midlife when, when realize that, okay, this already happened. Like, how do I want then from now on to experience life?

[00:02:13] Kena Siu: And choosing that power forward because-

[00:02:19] Kena Siu: We in general are so disconnected, and it's, a- and, and not only from emotions and sensations, and sometimes the disconnection between our heart and our mind, and also with, with our sex, because we come from there, but it's considered such a taboo that we think we are not part of it. We come 

[00:02:39] Kimber Hardick: from it, right?

[00:02:40] Kimber Hardick: That's right. That's right. Right? You know, it, it's funny, so, um, I'm gonna talk about my book for just a second. Um, Invitation to Shine: From Invisible to Invincible. This is about my healing journey over the last so many years, and I gave my daughter a copy of the book, and she's like, she looked [00:03:00] at the table of contents and she's like, "Mom, I'm not reading that.

[00:03:02] Kimber Hardick: There's stories about sex in there." And so y- you know, you can't do this healing work unless you look at your sexuality. That's so true. And for me growing up in the era where I grew up, my mom would have these conversations with me about how beautiful sex was, and it was this lovely, wonderful experience, but if it was on TV or in a movie, it was bad and I couldn't see it and I couldn't watch it.

[00:03:31] Kimber Hardick: And so when I got divorced in my 50s, I got to get back into the dating world, which was a trip. It was fun. Um, it was, uh, it was all the things. And online dating was really where, you know, thank God for online dating. I don't know how else people meet, right? I don't go to bars and clubs. And so one of the chapters is, in there is me [00:04:00] creating my profile for the first time on a dating app, and all the shame of, you know, and the emotions that came up.

[00:04:06] Kimber Hardick: So my book really talks about emotions in each chapter. Each story kind of draws you in. It's, uh, you know, talking about being in the cadaver lab or, um, some, some of my sexual, um, experiences with tantra and so it kind of draws you in. But underneath it all was the, the forgetting and the remembering. And so I had to forget all these things that I had learned about myself so that I could remember who I was.

[00:04:44] Kimber Hardick: And so each chapter is a remembering at a deeper level. 

[00:04:47] Kena Siu: Mm.

[00:04:48] Kimber Hardick: A more, um, authentic level, a more, you know, more uncovering. And sometimes, you know, I might have had to uncover and remember several different times and different stories because the remembering [00:05:00] doesn't just happen and ta-da, you're a genius at- Oh

[00:05:03] Kimber Hardick: remembering who you are. It takes a lot of time. You sometimes have to have another experience and another experience until you go, "Okay, I remember. I'm not gonna forget." Mm-hmm. "I'm not gonna forget." Yeah. And so I was given an invitation two years ago to s- um, an invitation to step into my shining, and it was a four-day intensive, and I really took it to heart, and I had to look at all the ways that I was still not allowing myself to shine.

[00:05:37] Kimber Hardick: To shine. 

[00:05:37] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:05:38] Kimber Hardick: And in the process, I wrote this book. But one of probably the biggest things that shifted for me was retelling stories, not from a place of a victim, but from the place of the creator. 

[00:05:53] Kena Siu: Mm. 

[00:05:53] Kimber Hardick: And one of the big ones was why I stayed in a marriage long after its [00:06:00] expiration date, and I would always say, "I stayed for the kids.

[00:06:04] Kimber Hardick: I stayed that long for the kids." And I realized I was making myself the helper, him the villain, my kids the victim. If I left, then I was becoming the villain. I mean, I was deep in that drama triangle. So I rewrote the story, and I realized I stayed as long as I did because I didn't know what else to do.

[00:06:25] Kena Siu: Mm. 

[00:06:26] Kimber Hardick: And so there were other several, you know, stories that I- realized I was still staying in the role of the victim. And, and here's an example. So I, we used to always say, "Well, he, my husband would never let me go back to work, and he wouldn't let me go back to school," and yada, yada. But then I, this real story underneath that was why did I feel like I needed his permission?

[00:06:51] Kimber Hardick: Ooh, that's a huge one. That was a big one. That was a big- You wait for permission- So I started to see- ... to 

[00:06:57] Kena Siu: move forward in life Yeah, 

[00:06:59] Kimber Hardick: yeah. [00:07:00] Yeah. So I started with little moments like that, just little stories that, you know, I hu- I clung to. I mean, like the gospel, you know? And in the process, I started going deeper, and I realized I am an integration coach, but I also realized I have a very unique gift of being able to integrate big life experiences, and it turned into this book.

[00:07:30] Kimber Hardick: And so I looked at all the ways that I was still not allowing myself to shine. And through the process, being able to shine. And before I released the book, 

[00:07:44] Kena Siu: I 

[00:07:44] Kimber Hardick: realized I believe this book is gonna be a big deal in time. I mean, it's, it's timely, um, it's relatable, it's fun, it's shocking, you know, it's all the things- Love it

[00:07:57] Kimber Hardick: that I needed to prepare mys- because I f- [00:08:00] I found myself at a crossroad. I was coming in from my backyard through the sliding doors, and I realized I've been here before, just on the, the verge of doing something big, and then all the reasons why I, I couldn't do it. I don't have the time. What about the commitment?

[00:08:19] Kimber Hardick: Showing up for these podcasts and, you know. Then I realized I don't have those excuses anymore, but they're still kinda playing back there. So I really had to set the intention, and I did an intensive, to step fully into my shining. Mm. And what that meant was expanding my capacity for what was to come, because I know there's gonna be naysayers.

[00:08:47] Kimber Hardick: There's gonna be people that aren't gonna like what I wrote. 

[00:08:50] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:50] Kimber Hardick: Um, and I, I would, I need to be okay with that. And if this book takes off like I want it to, um, and Oprah [00:09:00] discovers it or- ... Reese Witherspoon or- Yes ... whoever, um, am I, am I, am I ready for- Mm-hmm ... what's to come? Because it'll be out of my hands by that time.

[00:09:13] Kena Siu: Yes. 

[00:09:13] Kimber Hardick: So, you know, there's one thing to have a mind-knowing. There's another thing to have a body-knowing. Yes. And then living knowing is the next step. So I've gone from having a mind-knowing to an embodied knowing, and now I'm beginning to have a living, lived-in knowing. And that's where I teach from. That's where I share from.

[00:09:33] Kimber Hardick: I'm not a counselor. I'm not schooled. I'm schooled in life- Mm-hmm ... in my life, um, navigating the messy middle the best way I knew how. And my hope is, is that the tools that I'm creating, the calls that I have, my book will not t- tell you how to fix yourself, 'cause you're not broken, but just kinda walk beside you and hold your hand and support you- Yes

[00:09:59] Kimber Hardick: as [00:10:00] you step into your shining. And so, you know, I ask, h- here's your invitation to step into your shining. Will you accept it? 

[00:10:09] Kena Siu: Yes. And so the thing is, before jumping into that, we as midlife, we, uh, you know, women in midlife, we feel invisible. Mm-hmm. From your perspective, what do you think is actually happening there that we- Mm

[00:10:29] Kena Siu: have this kind of feeling? 

[00:10:33] Kimber Hardick: We've actually become invisible to ourselves.

[00:10:38] Kimber Hardick: You nail it. Because w- we've be- we've put the needs of everyone else before us, the kids. We've taken on this role of we're the caretakers. We have to take care of everybody else, everything else. We keep ourselves busy so that we don't have to connect. To ourselves. And, 

[00:10:58] Kena Siu: mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 

[00:10:59] Kimber Hardick: But it, it, [00:11:00] being invisible, 'cause I, I know I had someone say, "Oh, but I love being invisible because the men don't hit on me, or this doesn't happen."

[00:11:07] Kimber Hardick: That's not the kind of visible that I'm talking about. The kind of visible is walking into a room and not needing anybody to prove my value, knowing my own value when I walk into the room. Mm-hmm. Not looking for external validation. Um, not, not walking on eggshells, not trying to make myself small so that I don't upset whoever.

[00:11:34] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. Rock the boat. Um, yeah, that's to me what in- invisible is really w- and being invisible to myself and my needs and my desires, my wants. And, you know, the desires, sexual desires. A lot of women, especially when they, you know, are our age... Oh, I know, we had started to tell you the story. I was in the cadaver lab, and we were dissecting a human [00:12:00]cadaver, and when we got down to the anatomy parts, sexual anatomy parts, Gil said- The only job of the clitoris is that of pleasure.

[00:12:15] Kimber Hardick: That's it. That's it. It's its only job. Yeah. And yet we, we shun it, we hide it, we deny it. Mm-hmm. And that really shifted me into really checking into m- my desires. Mm-hmm. And, and I, I had an experience years ago with a woman after I got divorced, and I had never been with a woman. I was like, "You know, I'm, I'm exploring sexuality.

[00:12:44] Kimber Hardick: I think I- Mm ... I wanna try to be with a woman." And so a girlfriend of mine and I, um, we went away on the weekend, and so we decided, "I'm gonna give this a whirl." And I didn't know what to do with her. And I have a vagina. 

[00:12:59] Kena Siu: [00:13:00] Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:00] Kimber Hardick: And I thought, "You know, these poor men walking around without a vagina, without a pussy, and we just expect them to please us."

[00:13:10] Kena Siu: Yeah. 

[00:13:11] Kimber Hardick: But if we don't know what pleases us, and what feels good, and how are we going to share and, and tell the man? And so getting in touch with our own pleasures, and not just sexual in nature. What pleases you? Where is your pleasure in life- Yeah ... at home, in work? If you don't know what your pleasure is, then nobody else is gonna, you know, come and fix it for you.

[00:13:37] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. And so that to me is what the whole invisible to invincible piece is, is really connecting with yourself, and not leaving yourself, and knowing yourself. Knowing who you are, what you desire, what you feel, what you need.

[00:13:59] Kimber Hardick: [00:14:00] That's the in- that's the invincible part. 

[00:14:02] Kena Siu: Yes. 

[00:14:03] Kimber Hardick: Doesn't mean being bigger and louder and... Although you can do that- No ... if you want, you know? Yeah. If it makes you feel good. Yeah, definitely, but it's- I, I love it, I love it when I see older women, and you know, I'm 64 so I guess I fit that category, but dressed in, you know, big, bright colors, and beads, and glasses, and the whole shebang.

[00:14:25] Kimber Hardick: And I had on this outfit one time a couple years ago, and it's, I love it. It makes me feel like a fairy. And this woman came up to me and she said, "I love your outfit, but my girls would have a fit if I wore something like that." And I said, "If it makes you feel pretty- Yeah ... why wouldn't you wear it?" Mm-hmm.

[00:14:46] Kimber Hardick: And so, you know, that's that, that validation, needing permission. And I hear it a lot. I heard it th- not, not too long ago when I was out shopping, a woman saying, "Oh, I don't know. I need to ask my daughters what they think." That's hard. Oh. What [00:15:00] do you think? What do- Uh-huh. So, so many women are so used to giving themselves away- Mm-hmm

[00:15:08] Kimber Hardick: that they don't have a voice. They don't know what they think. Yeah. They don't know what they feel. They don't know what they need because they're so busy trying to be it for everybody else. 

[00:15:18] Kena Siu: Yeah. 

[00:15:18] Kimber Hardick: And that makes me really sad. It makes me really sad. And I moved to Panama- And left my kids in the States.

[00:15:27] Kimber Hardick: And I'd have people go, "How are you leaving your kids and your grandkids? Grandparents don't do that." Well, they have their lives too. Exactly. I love my grandkids, but I raised my kids. Mm-hmm. And if I stuck around and took care of my grandkids and then my aging parents, when is it gonna be my time- Mm-hmm ... to live my life?

[00:15:51] Kimber Hardick: I, I got married when I was 22, so I wasn't one of those that was fortunate enough to travel and do things before the kids came. 

[00:15:59] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:59] Kimber Hardick: I'm not [00:16:00] faulting anybody for that. That was just my life choice. And so the idea of continuing to live my life, and, and a lot of people think I'm selfish, and I'm okay with it- Mm-hmm

[00:16:15] Kimber Hardick: because I know what my intention is- 

[00:16:19] Kena Siu: Yeah ... and 

[00:16:19] Kimber Hardick: where my joy is. 

[00:16:21] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:21] Kimber Hardick: And you know, if, I, well, when I met my husband, he moved to Texas 'cause his daughter lived there. 

[00:16:28] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:29] Kimber Hardick: And within two years, she moved to Arkansas. But that's okay- That's amazing. But that's okay when the kids move away, right? But the- But for the parents to move away.

[00:16:38] Kimber Hardick: Hmm. 

[00:16:39] Kena Siu: No, but that's the thing, like, uh, uh, coming back to that selfishness, it's like who's being selfish, you that you don't want me to move because you want me here, or is it me because I want to build my own life? 

[00:16:53] Kimber Hardick: And experience something new. I- Yes ... being, being an expat is something that's been in my [00:17:00] radar for a really long time.

[00:17:02] Kimber Hardick: We had the opportunity, possibility, and I'm married to a man that we both said yes. And I remember my daughter, she, she was really supportive and she said, "You know, Mom, if you don't like it, you can always come back home." And I said, "I know." Yeah. And it's gonna be three year- it's gonna be three years in April- 

[00:17:23] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm, oh wow

[00:17:24] Kena Siu: that we, 

[00:17:24] Kimber Hardick: that we move down here. 

[00:17:25] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:17:26] Kimber Hardick: And there's several grandmas down here- 

[00:17:29] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm ... that, 

[00:17:30] Kimber Hardick: you know, and before we moved down here we lived in a 50 plus community, and there were so many women, I played pickleball, and there were so many women that moved there from somewhere else in the US because their kids were there.

[00:17:46] Kena Siu: Hmm. 

[00:17:46] Kimber Hardick: And that's just kind of what, you know, the, the construct of being a good grandma and a good mother is. And Glennon Doyle wrote a book, I can't remember the name of it, um, and she talks about, I know it's [00:18:00] over there, she talks about we as women are conditioned to believe that in order to be a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter, a good grandmother, we have to self-sacrifice.

[00:18:17] Kena Siu: Yeah, I, I don't agree with that anymore. No. I think that's also a condition and that's a program. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it is. Because we don't come here to, to be sacrificed or to suffer for someone else. We're here to live. No. And I think that's part of the remembrance. 

[00:18:35] Kimber Hardick: It is. Yes, absolutely. It is. That we came here to 

[00:18:38] Kena Siu: activate, reactivate.

[00:18:40] Kimber Hardick: Mm-hmm. Ab- absolutely. And that, um- Oh, I forgot what I was gonna say. It came and it went. It'll probably come back. But yeah, no, I totally agree with that. And oh, I know what I was gonna say. I used to be told that I was a superwoman because I took [00:19:00] care of everything and everybody, and I wore that like a, like a shield, like a, you know, a fur coat.

[00:19:06] Kimber Hardick: I was proud- Yeah ... of the fact that I could handle situations and I could da da da. I don't get called that anymore, and I am so okay with it. I bet. Because I didn't come here to be a Wonder Woman, superwoman for anybody but myself. But 

[00:19:20] Kena Siu: yourself. 

[00:19:21] Kimber Hardick: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. So, um, I've lost friendships because of it, relationships, um, and they're just not where I'm at, and they don't understand.

[00:19:35] Kimber Hardick: I, I feel like it's, it's kind of like the, our constructs are bumping up against each other. They have this strong belief that no, this is how a grandmother or mother should be, and I'm going and doing just the opposite and having this incredible life. Um, and so I've... It, it gets kind of lonely here sometimes, you know?

[00:19:53] Kimber Hardick: I'm actually, I'm calling in some women my age because the younger- I know the way. Yeah. [00:20:00] The... And, and, and so my, my wom- my focus on my women's group, and I think you'll, you'll, you'll love this, and maybe it's something we can, you know, co-create together in some form or fashion. Bringing women together to remember what it's like to be supported by other women, and to sup- what it's like to support other women, because most of us were never taught that.

[00:20:27] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. And I shared this on a podcast I was on not too long ago, and bless her heart, it was a great podcast. It was a wonderful interview, but she recorded it on her phone while we were on the computer, and that's what she posted and so the quality, sound quality, was terrible. But she had this video recording.

[00:20:49] Kimber Hardick: So I was like, I'm gonna support her. This is me jumping in to help promote. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna support her and encourage her, 'cause it was such a good conversation. So I took the Zoom call and I put it [00:21:00] through Descript and I cleaned it up and I sent it to her. And in her mind I was judging and criticizing that she wasn't good enough.

[00:21:10] Kimber Hardick: Mm. When in my mind I was supporting her, and we had just had this conversation about women supporting other women. But some women don't know what it feels like to be supported by another woman. They only know what it feels like to be judged or condemned or criticized. And so in my women's groups, that's our focus, is to hold space for each other.

[00:21:31] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. Not try to fix, but to support, and then- Yeah ... be supported. And it's, it's part of the remembering as well. 

[00:21:39] Kena Siu: Yeah, that's true. Because, eh- Yeah. It, it is, we are so much powerful together when we support each other. And sometimes it's just holding space, as you said before. It's not about fixing anyone, it's about, uh, noticing that

[00:21:58] Kena Siu: Because many times we [00:22:00] keep quiet in what we are going through, that we don't know that by speaking our truth, some o- so many other, they can relate. It might not be- Absolutely ... exactly the same story, but it can relate and then you can come with more- L- love with more, I, I do lo- I still like using the love compassion, I think- Yeah, yeah

[00:22:23] Kena Siu: you said no, but, but just coming from that place of I am here for you. Right. Not to judge you, but to hold space for you and to allow you to go through your path, and if you want help I can, I can help you. Yeah. And if you want just to be listened, I can just only listen. 

[00:22:41] Kimber Hardick: Listen, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

[00:22:43] Kimber Hardick: Absolutely. I think that's why I have finally decided to step on this estrangement platform- Mm-hmm ... because I realize that I've had the privilege of time, money, tools, mentors to get me to a place [00:23:00] where the estrangement has not caused me to just totally fall apart and lose my sense of self. And, you know, a lot of these groups, people are replaying the story and then someone says, "Oh, I'm going through this," you know, they're, they're just, they're building their anxiety.

[00:23:19] Kimber Hardick: Mm-hmm. And in my group we're learning how to retell the story. 

[00:23:23] Kena Siu: Mm, I 

[00:23:24] Kimber Hardick: love that. To not get lost in the story and to really, you know, cre- be the, be in charge of how we experience it. It doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt- Of course ... but it's not totally consuming us. So the conversations are different in my- Yeah

[00:23:39] Kimber Hardick: estrangement group. And it's interesting 'cause I'm in some of these other groups and I keep getting banned. You know, they're there to support, you know? Yeah. And I'm like, "Hey, I have another way, you know, we're not replaying- Yeah ... the stories. If you're ready to step into something different, it's called Parenting Forward: Finding Strength After Estrangement.[00:24:00]

[00:24:00] Kimber Hardick: And I can't tell you how many of the estrangement groups are like, "Okay, she's banned. She's banned." Mm-hmm. And they've got, you know, 10,000 people in their group. How do you support 10,000 people by yourself? It's, it's, has become- Mm-hmm ... for some of these, um, people on, who's, their platform is estrangement and how horrible our kids are for doing this to us, it's, it's a numbers thing and it's an ego thing, and it's, it's filling a need for them and that's fine.

[00:24:26] Kimber Hardick: That's not why I'm doing it. I'm honestly looking for people- Mm-hmm ... that are tired of suffering- Mm-hmm ... or tired- Yeah ... and it can go through, you know, any experience, but sometimes- Mm-hmm ... breaking it up into people with shared experiences, you can have a kind of a shared language. 

[00:24:43] Kena Siu: Yeah. 

[00:24:44] Kimber Hardick: So. 

[00:24:44] Kena Siu: Yeah, I think it's, for those groups is more like the intention of the gathering, right, is what makes the difference.

[00:24:52] Kena Siu: Like you said, not coming there and then for what you were mentioning more is like, okay, these groups who are well, like, they want to keep in the loop of the, the victim. [00:25:00]No. Mm-hmm. The intention here is it's collaboration, it's seeing whatever is happening to you in a different perspec- perspective- And having that holding space and, and, you know, that it really creates the difference then for growth and evolution instead of victimhood and getting kept stuck in there.

[00:25:21] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. Well, and it also Takes away their, you know, they want to be the helper, and if they're not able to help you, then you're of no, no use to them. 

[00:25:32] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:25:33] Kimber Hardick: So it, you know, it's still, it's all, you know, the drama triangle is such a powerful, powerful first step in shifting- Mm-hmm ... you know, our story and where we are and how we respond and how we react.

[00:25:45] Kimber Hardick: And I think what's really cool about this format that I'm creating, there's not an order. You don't have to do- Hmm, okay ... step A to step B to step C. You can join my calls at any point along the way and are still gonna walk away with some [00:26:00] value, and know that you can come back and keep coming back and learn more and go deeper and, um...

[00:26:05] Kimber Hardick: So there's no, you know, and healing is like that. It's not a linear thing. It's a spiral, and it- Oh, yeah ... down, you know, back, back-stepping and going forward and receding and yeah. Yeah. Mm. This has been so lovely. 

[00:26:23] Kena Siu: No, thank you. Thank you. I mean, this has been such a wonderful conversation, and I think, uh, we nail a lot of important things that, and maybe that we, 'cause we talk about, a lot about emotions.

[00:26:39] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. And I think that's something very important, because that's how we can remember who we are- 

[00:26:47] Kimber Hardick: Absolutely ... through 

[00:26:47] Kena Siu: those emotions, by not blocking them, because that's- Mm ... how we release, how we clean whatever it is there that is blocking us to be [00:27:00] ourselves- Mm-hmm ... for that woman to be the one that she really wants to be, and f- feel that call, because as we were talking at the beginning, it's not the shoulds or the haves, it's really that calling of, okay, I'm tired of this shit.

[00:27:15] Kena Siu: Like, what is it? But it's only by doing the inner work and going through those emotions that the healing process, or better said, that remembrance, is going to come through. 

[00:27:27] Kimber Hardick: And, you know, if we're not in touch with our feelings, how do we know what we need- Mm-hmm ... when our needs are being met and when they're not- Yeah

[00:27:36] Kimber Hardick: being met. And that shift right there, I think, is a mindset shift that might make people go, "Oh, right," because our emotions are the message of your needs are being met or they're not being met. 

[00:27:53] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:27:54] Kimber Hardick: But if you're not listening to them, then you don't know. You don't know. You just don't 

[00:27:58] Kena Siu: know. 

[00:27:58] Kimber Hardick: And I would say [00:28:00] all but three stories in this book started after I got off of antidepressants and really started learning what it means to feel.

[00:28:12] Kimber Hardick: And I had a teacher tell me one time, she, she drew a line She had all the emotions. And she said, you know, "If you don't allow yourself to feel these emotions, then the, all the rest of them dim down." You know, the emotions dim. 

[00:28:27] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:28:29] Kimber Hardick: And one of the girls in my women's group told me that she heard on a podcast, so I'm gonna rephrase it in, in kind of my own language, but that joy is the mother of all emotions, and she won't come sit at the table until all of her children are welcome

[00:28:51] Kena Siu: Mm. 

[00:28:52] Kimber Hardick: So if you turn down your anger, you turn down your sadness, you're turning your joy down. You're turning it all down. [00:29:00] And, you know, this work isn't about becoming more emotional, it's about becoming more emotionally whole. And our emotions are not storms to survive, uh, they're, they're part of us. Yes.

[00:29:13] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. And if we don't make s- make space to feel them and to welcome them, they're gonna control us in the background. We just aren't gonna be aware of it. Mm-hmm. And so by tapping in and becoming aware of what it is that we're feeling and why, and separating the emotion from the behavior that we associate with the emotion is really, it is important as well.

[00:29:39] Kimber Hardick: Yeah. So I can feel sadness and not have to go and have a, a long, hard cry. I can have a cry if I want, but that's not necessarily how I'm going to relieve myself of the sadness. Um, there are all sorts of practices if an emotion does get stuck, through sound. Um, primal scream is one of my favorites. Yeah.

[00:29:59] Kimber Hardick: I've, I've taught [00:30:00] it to kids. It's an amazing practice. You can do it by yourself with the, just on the floor. You can do it with a partner and it's super powerful. 

[00:30:07] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:30:08] Kimber Hardick: Shaking and moving, you know, putting on some music and just shaking. If you feel an emotion is stuck- Oh, yeah ... and just shaking for three to five minutes, you know?

[00:30:16] Kimber Hardick: Even just flicking. Right now, flick your hands with me. Yeah. Just flick your hands. It's 

[00:30:20] Kena Siu: just so powerful. 

[00:30:22] Kimber Hardick: And as you flick, and you flick, and you flick, do you feel how that energy's moving up into your arms? 

[00:30:27] Kena Siu: Yeah. 

[00:30:28] Kimber Hardick: And then you stop. What do you feel? Oh, I can feel like, you know, like- Yeah, that's energy- ... the energy moving through

[00:30:39] Kimber Hardick: and emotions are energy in motion. Yes. And so if they do get stuck, you know, tapping, clapping, you know. Mm-hmm. There's so many somatic practices that can be done, and I have a whole toolbox of things to, to take, [00:31:00] take out- 

[00:31:00] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:31:02] Kimber Hardick: w- when, when emotions feel stuck for whatever reason. And they do get stuck, because we don't know what we're feeling, and so they go and they hide.

[00:31:09] Kena Siu: Yeah. Exactly. 

[00:31:12] Kimber Hardick: Wow. 

[00:31:13] Kena Siu: Kimber, it has been a pleasure- Yes, it has ... literally a pleasure having you here with me on Fireflies. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Sure, why not? Let's

[00:31:24] Kena Siu: do it again. Thank you. I do love your energy, your, uh, your laughter, your smile. I mean- Thank you ... you are literally shining- Thank you ... right? As the name of your book, and I'm gonna be, uh, sharing all the links, uh, in the show notes so people know how to reach you. Thank you. And, uh, you already answered this, but I would like to know if there's something else- Yeah

[00:31:48] Kena Siu: because this is the, this is the, uh, question- The closing. I know. I teed it up ... yeah, closing question, so I'm gonna ask again if something else pops out. Like, what's the pleasure you enjoy the most?

[00:31:58] Kimber Hardick: A simple pleasure I enjoy the most. [00:32:00]

[00:32:00] Kimber Hardick: Simple pleasure. Um, besides the one I, I just mentioned earlier, um, you know, getting up and having coffee in the mornings with my husband and watching- Mm

[00:32:11] Kimber Hardick: the sunrise. Mm. Spending the end of the evening curled up on the couch in his lap watching TV. Um, doing podcasts is amazing for me, talking about my book, and working on the work that I'm creating. Um, I was talking to another teacher yesterday, and she's like, "I'm just getting really tired of teaching. I wanna leave a body of knowledge behind."

[00:32:38] Kimber Hardick: And I said, "Exactly." You know, I don't, I don't claim that this work is just mine. 

[00:32:43] Kena Siu: Mm-hmm. 

[00:32:43] Kimber Hardick: But I, it, I'm, I, I've put it together in such a way through a different lens that I think it's gonna be helpful. Yeah. And I want it to be accessible. And my book also, you know, it's so exciting for me. I have one sitting on my [00:33:00] bookshelf, and it's like every time I walk by- Mm-hmm

[00:33:03] Kimber Hardick: it's like another invitation, a reminder. This is my invitation. 

[00:33:07] Kena Siu: In this episode, you learned why so many high-achieving women feel invisible in midlife, and why the real invisibility is the one happening inside, not around you. How the stories you've been holding as gospel may be keeping you locked in exhaustion, self-sacrifice, and waiting for permission that will never come, and what it actually feels like to choose yourself without apology and why reconnecting with your desires, your emotions, and your body is the doorway back to you

[00:33:44] Kena Siu: Hey, beauty, if you're ready to shine your light, I created Coming Home for the woman who has done everything right and still feels something is missing. If that's you, this is free, private, and it might be the most [00:34:00] important thing you listen to this year. The link is in the show notes

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