#83 - The Importance of Rest for Your Nervous System

Why can't you rest, even when you finally lay down?

Rest isn't just sleep — it's a nervous system state. And most of us have forgotten how to actually let our bodies get there. 

🦋 You'll Discover:

• Why pushing through exhaustion instead of resting is actually a form of self-abandonment
• Why "the same rest routine every day" doesn't work for a woman's body — and what to do instead
• Three simple night habits that get your nervous system into real rest — not just hours in bed

✨ Coming Home Question: 

Where in your life are you still waiting for permission to rest — and what would it feel like to give it to yourself today?

👉🏼 Invitation to Free Workshop

I'm hosting Leading From Pleasure, a free workshop on August 19th, where you go into what it actually looks like to lead your life and your work from rest and pleasure instead of push and control. Sign up here: http://home.midlifebutterfly.ca/leading-from-pleasure

💜 I created Coming HOME for the woman who has done everything right and still feels something is missing. It's free, it's private, and it might be the most important thing you listen to this year — sign up here!

🦋 Midlife Butterfly is a podcast for high-achieving midlife women navigating emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, self-abandonment, nervous system healing, identity shifts, and midlife awakening. Hosted by Kena Siu, Identity & Embodiment Guide.

Instagram: @midlifebutterfly
Website: midlifebutterfly.ca

Music: Back Home by Alex Productions and  Reborn by Alexander Nakarada

Transcript

[00:00:00] Kena Siu: What if resting is the thing your nervous system has been begging you for?

[00:00:06] Welcome to Midlife Butterfly, for the high-achieving woman in midlife who has spent years showing up for everyone except herself. This podcast is where emotional exhaustion meets nervous system healing and where people-pleasing gives way to self-remembrance. I am Kena, Siu, identity and embodiment guide.

[00:00:31] Because I know you are doing the inner work, it's time to settle that wisdom from your mind into your body so you can feel alive again.

[00:00:45] Kena Siu: In this episode, you will discover why pushing through exhaustion instead of resting is actually a form of self-abandonment. Why the same rest routine every day doesn't work for a [00:01:00] woman's body and what to do instead. Three simple night habits that get your nervous system into real rest, not just hours in bed. 

[00:01:13] When was the last time you rest?

[00:01:19] Yeah, this is a true question because, rest Not only sleep but resting

[00:01:30] It's one of the main necessary things that we gotta do, is honoring your body, mind, and soul.

[00:01:50] And we might say sometimes that we don't have time to rest.

[00:01:58] And I don't know if in [00:02:00] English, but in Spanish there is actually a saying something like, "Yeah, I'm gonna rest when I..." Finally resting meaning something like, when I die, I'm going to rest. But if you don't have the time to really rest during life What quality of life are you having? Because

[00:02:30] It is necessary

[00:02:35] And unfortunately, I think many times we do it when Not when our body tell us, because then we tend to ignore it. But when Our body is screaming already

[00:02:59] Or [00:03:00] when we get sick and we are pushed to

[00:03:10] I went to the annual retreat that I attend, and it was just so beautiful, the sense of community, um You know, we get closer and more nourishment, support, and tons, tons of love, which is the main reason I go there. It's kind of like my annual recharge of love, and it was crazy that I needed to go through an expansion phase to be able to hold more love, which it was so beautiful.

[00:03:48] The thing is, to do that, I need to take care of my body.

[00:03:55] At the end of the retreat, um, there was, this, uh, [00:04:00] virus kind of like a, anyway, the throat and, the breath and all that. And, and this time, I mean, I got so sick. It's been a while. Like, when I was younger, I used to have either allergy or had a cold. And then after I changed my eating habits, that stopped a lot.

[00:04:25] It was rarely when I would get sick. So it's been few years that I didn't get this sick, to the point that I was in bed. The day after I came back from the retreat, uh, just literally just get out of bed to do a chicken soup, eat it, and then come back to bed. I felt like something like just really pass over me and squash me.

[00:04:56] I was feeling that bad [00:05:00] And,

[00:05:01] I just accept that. It's like, okay, this is what I have. I'm just going to take the time to pause, to rest. Even though I was planning to rest for a few days, I actually took last week to do that as well. That's why I didn't, got a, a Midlife Butterfly episode. It's the first time since I started

[00:05:33] And I thought about doing it, and I thought about pushing myself to do it. And to tell you the truth, my level of energy, it was just so, so low that I was, no, honor your body and honor your mind because my mind didn't have the capacity either [00:06:00] And just by taking it easy, of course, I did some things here and there, but not according to the schedule that I was having.

[00:06:11] And it had a reward, you know? Because I was having some stuff in my mind of things that I wanted to do and stuff, so it really brought me to that. By not doing anything and, mmm, most of the time I was in silence, that I didn't even feel like listening to music or listening to podcasts or the classes, that I want to review.

[00:06:37] My mind really needed silence, just silence. And, mm, that

[00:06:48] Helped me to gain the clarity that I was wanting to receive in order to focus on some things in my business. So since I do a, a [00:07:00] business m- mapping, at the beginning of the month, I took that and I was like, "Okay, I want to focus mainly on these three things, so let's work on those and put it in this schedule," meaning in my calendar.

[00:07:18] Otherwise, I don't do them. I don't know what happened to you, but, uh, yeah, I'm like that. If they're not there, they're not gonna happen, and even sometimes, let me tell you, even when they are there, I tend to postpone them. Or just moving to another day that I feel more inspired to do them. Um, and yeah, that's the feminine way of doing things.

[00:07:43] I honor myself to feel that inspire action. Of course things that they don't have a, a hard deadline, right? And even, you know, because I was going to offer a neuroepigenetic breathing session, [00:08:00] a workshop, and I postponed it too because I wasn't even able to breathe properly so how on the, on the hell I was going to offer a session like that while I needed to blow my nose and I was coughing and stuff?

[00:08:20] It's like, nope. I was like, "I need to be in a better state to serve you better, to serve my clients better," and that was not the time, and I needed to honor that too

[00:08:39] Just by allowing myself to rest And talking about neuroepigenetic breathing

[00:08:51] I was at peace when I took those decisions. I was in acceptance, and I was just in [00:09:00] equina- equanimity

[00:09:06] Because of doing the practice of neuroepigenetic breathing, there has been so much rewiring mentally and biologically, meaning like in my cells, that My way of, that I used to have of trying to control, of trying to push because things had to be done It has faded away so much that when I have glimpses of, "You gotta do this," and, you know, it's like, "Mm, do I have to do that?"

[00:09:52] And I take the time to pause and to reflect and to this, "Okay, I have to do this at a [00:10:00] certain level, and okay, I'll do one part, or this can wait. Let's postpone it."

[00:10:15] And just by Having those patterns and beliefs and conditioning shifted, oof

[00:10:32] I am actually able to rest better Because

[00:10:42] I allow myself to be more instead of doing all the time. And By not

[00:10:59] [00:11:00] resting and by trying to control and push all the time

[00:11:07] I was not living in pleasure. I was not leading my life in pleasure

[00:11:23] Because in order to live like that, rest is super important Why? Because when you really rest your body is in a different state because your nervous system, it's in parasympathetic, meaning it's calmed, it's more at peace. Compare that when you don't rest and you're pushing and controlling all the time, you are in a stress level.

[00:11:56] You're in a fight or flight all the time[00:12:00]

[00:12:03] Therefore, your body is in a sympathetic state and it's in the go. In the go, in the doing

[00:12:17] So you cannot really rest even when you sleep And you have probably noticed that because that still happens to me sometime. If your mind keeps going and going while you are sleeping, you don't really rest. You might sleep, but your body was still in the go because your mind was processing stuff all the time

[00:12:50] So ja

[00:12:54] It's amazing how

[00:12:59] We can [00:13:00] self-abandon ourselves by simply not resting and give us permission to do that

[00:13:12] And I don't know you, but I'm getting glimpses of perimenopause, and, I noticed that my body need to rest more. Before it used to be, six, seven hours in a row, and I was good to go. And now it's more around an average of seven hours, and then I've been honoring my menstrual cycles for around five years now, and I notice now that when I have my cycle, my body needs more rest than before. [00:14:00] Like before I, I will, even when I will take it easier those days, the day one, day two during my menstrual cycle, 'cause the mind, the body requires to go inside.

[00:14:12] I don't know if you have noticed that. And it needs to go that inside to actually send the blood to the pelvic floor, to the uterus, because it's the work, the main work that the body's doing at that time. That's why our thinking as women and our sight can decrease at a time because the body is sending the blood what is more needed.

[00:14:50] And at that time, when we have our menstrual cycle, the body needs the blood in the uterus and not in the [00:15:00] head

[00:15:04] Yes. That was a huge, mind-blowing 

[00:15:10] when I hear that, and it makes a lot of sense, isn't it? So yeah, coming back to the rest, honoring your body when you have your menstrual cycle is very, very important because based on that is gonna be the rest of your month, literally. I mean, if you're still having, your cycle.

[00:15:32] And if you are not, just follow the moon. That's what is ... The menstrual cycle is also called the moon because it has its phases as the moon. So when there is new moon, meaning that it's dark outside It's when you can, calculate that you are, bleeding. And when it is a full moon is when you [00:16:00] are in ovulation because it's when more energy you have.

[00:16:03] That's how you can balance that, and kind of also noticing, comparing how is it that compare of how you are really feeling. Because if you still have your moon or you used to have it during full moon, that's freaking like a super duper duplicated power because, if you have it during this period which is called the red moon, you have more energy.

[00:16:43] Even though you're in your moon, you're supposed to be ovulating, you have more energy. So just observe yourself in [00:17:00] there

[00:17:01] So yeah, that's what I wanted to share with you today That importance of resting to really recharge your body fully

[00:17:25] And also I want to share that to have a better rest while you are sleeping, it's important to start with your night habits and some of them could be like winding down, meaning getting out of the screen at least one, two hours before you are going to fall asleep. If you want put some nice music that is gonna calm you down.

[00:17:57] If you have lights that can dim, [00:18:00] just use them so you can get into that state of going to bed. I tend to sometimes, look at my phone before bed, so I'm trying now to check my phone before coming to the room, so I don't check it when I am already in bed. And have a book, so I actually read something, and I can get my mind out of the screen and get into something that I love reading that is gonna get me more, more into the sleep mode.

[00:18:36] And another important thing to do is that your last meal is at least two or three hours before you go to bed. And why is this important? Because most of the energy that the body takes, it will take it for digestion [00:19:00] And it's important for the body to digest, to do that process before you go to sleep.

[00:19:10] Because when you are sleeping in the first hours of your sleep, the body is going to restore. That's what it's going to do to whatever it needs to actually, recharge the cells, to rejuvenate you, to restore whatever it needs to do. And for that, the body needs energy. So if you just eat before going to bed, then the body first is gonna use that energy for digestion, so probably it's not gonna have enough energy afterwards to do all the processes that it needs to do following that circadian rhythm for you to, then rest [00:20:00] and, restore and do again all those functions that the body needs to do for you to work at your best the next day.

[00:20:13] So those are some of the tips that I'm giving you because that can help you to have a better rest during the night, a better sleep, so when you wake up the next day, it doesn't matter sometimes how many hours you sleep, you can feel rested, you can feel more at peace with a regulated nervous system and hopefully

[00:20:45] Waking up at a better state than when you went to sleep. And what I mean with this is, whatever happens during the day, there's a lot of stories, [00:21:00] memories, trauma, conditioning programs that you went through to the whole day, and those repeating patterns that includes habits of actions and habits of thoughts.

[00:21:14] And habits of thoughts after you have a good sleep and rest Hopefully they will be different. You will be at a different state, at least as soon as you wake up. That's why it's important that when you wake up, stay in silence, stay a bit of stillness And just be there for a couple of minutes or five minutes at least before you check your phone, before you need to run to your tasks, before your [00:22:00] kids. You deserve that time for yourself.

[00:22:05] And if you have time also to meditate, just to observe what is going there, because that's what meditation is. It's an observer. It's not about bringing your mind blank, because the only time that's going to happen is when you are dead, and you're still alive, my friend, and you are here to live and not to survive.

[00:22:29] So my point here is take at least five minutes for stillness, for silence,

[00:22:39] to notice what is happening in your body, mind, and soul at that moment Because once you notice, remember free will. You are the one choosing. You are the [00:23:00] co-creator of your life. Yes, co-created, co-creating with God, source, the universe. It doesn't matter how you call it. The thing is this If you are co-creating, if you are being guided, you put yourself under that guidance, the better your days are going to be, and the better you can choose to continue with that state of peace, of joy that you may have at that time

[00:23:43] So you can create a better day. You are always choosing, so be aware of your thoughts. Be aware of your patterns and actions so you can choose better every time[00:24:00]

[00:24:02] Okay? That's how you're going to create a better day

[00:24:10] And of course, contrast is going to happen. Meaning the downs and ups of life. That is life itself So get to accept that And trust the unknown, release control because at the end, that unknown, it has been there your whole life. It has been there your whole life. At one point, you didn't know how to speak, you didn't know how to walk, you didn't know the friends that you were going to do at school, the colleagues you were going to have, the jobs that you were going to have, the travels, the experiences, the partners.

[00:24:58] You didn't know. All that [00:25:00] was unknown So trust that un-unknown, because your life so far has been based on that. How cool is that? But when you're feeling guided, when you are in a state of peace and joy ... or even just neutral. What I mean is that you are not in a fight or flight or phoning all the time.

[00:25:35] From there, you can create a better life.

[00:25:41] And I'm going to come back to neuroepigenetic breathing because that's what this system helps you with. The main thing that helps with is with the nervous system

[00:25:57] And then it helps rewire your mind, [00:26:00] meaning all your patterns, your memories, your trauma rewires. And then it works the biology level , the chemistry in the body, the biology itself by rewiring the cells. Why? Because while you are breathing, you are oxygenating your body And the more oxygen your cells have, the more your body is going to Regenerate, you know, cells and work in the things that your body is needed to be healthy at a cellular level, at a mental level, at an energetic level So how cool is that?

[00:26:55] Mm-hmm. Yes. So that's why I [00:27:00] offer this system. That's what I trusted because I know how transformational it is, and I know also how it can help you, again, to have better rest because your nervous system can improve at such a beautiful level

[00:27:23] That it can allow you to rest better, to live better, to live in love, to live in pleasure.

[00:27:40] The weekly Please Yourself challenge for this week is silence before screens. So try to do at least four mornings this week.

[00:27:52] Don't touch your phone for the first 10 minutes you are awake. Just notice what's there. Remember that [00:28:00] rest isn't the reward for finishing. It's the thing that lets you finally arrive in your body, in your life.

[00:28:12] In this episode, you'll learn why pushing to exhaustion instead of resting is actually a form of self-abandonment, why the same rest routine every day doesn't work for a woman's body and what to do instead, and the three simple night habits that get your nervous system into real rest, not just hours in bed.

[00:28:35] And if what you just heard about rest and your nervous system landed somewhere in you, I want to invite you deeper. I'm hosting Leading From Pleasure, a free workshop on August 19th, where you go into what it actually looks like to lead your life and your work from rest and pleasure instead of push and control.

[00:28:58] It's free. 

[00:29:00] Registration is in the show notes. And closing with a coming home question, where in your life are you still waiting for permission to rest, and what will it feel like to give it to yourself today?